Cold Desert
by lillpixievixen
Summary: Set in new moon,Bella takes the road to drugs when she bumps into Edward but he's not alone."There he stood behind Devin looking more gorgeous than I remember EDWARD.Ironic my ex holding my now boyfriend, the one who broke me with the one who fixed me.
1. life after Edward

**_COLD DESERT_**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own twilight I do however own Devin :)_**

**_BPV:_**

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_Looking my self in the mirror seeing the girl I have become since HE left it still hurts me but now I found a new way to relieve my pain and the hole HE left in me I know he would not approve of my ways none of them would but it's the only way I know how to cope with my pain, its been almost a year since they left and he never came back._

_'Fucking asshole' i think to myself_

_"Bellaaa! Get your ass down here now bitch!" Jessica yelled I became best friends with Jessica and Lauren they helped get out of my depression state_

_Charlie died 3 months after they left so now I have a house all to my self in which I like to throw crazy parties and drown in the effects of the alcohol and drugs, I'm not the reserved little girl any one knew once upon a time._

_"What the fuck jess! I'm here" I said coming down from my room,_

_"look at you miss swan lake" said Lauren I did a turn to show off my outfit I was wearing dark blue corset and black Minnie skirt with my black boots_

_"yea I cant wait to hear what Devin has to say" I said laughing_

_"That boy is going to flip" said Lauren._

_People were starting to arrive, I was well known for throwing the biggest parties there ever was in Forks, Devin is my boyfriend I met him after Charlie died and René and Phil disappeared he became my rock and also my supplier for the things we need, we met like that me wanting to forget everything about my so called life he wanted to forget about an ex, Devin he's tall 6'2 brown hair green eyes he's also pale his body is build nicely he likes to workout he has piercings, ears, tongue, lip and his back is full of tattoos his a little bit older than me he's 21 I'm only 18 I'll be 19 soon, So here I am in one of those crazy parties wanting to get high and Devin is nowhere to be Found._

_"Hey Tyler did you bring what we asked" I yelled above the music, I was sitting in a bar stool next to Jess and Lauren he was a couple of feet away_

_"So did u baby?" Lauren cooed at him_

_"don't worry my gurrrls I got what we need" said Tyler rolling the r he came to stand next to Lauren_

_"we'll go in partners Ty and Lau, jess and me " said Mike_

_"Who's with me asshole?" I said looking between them all_

_"Me baby" said Devin coming to stand in between my legs, I hadn't noticed he had gotten here, he started to kiss my neck_

_"mmm baby if you keep that up we are going to have to go upstairs" I murmured next to his ear._

_"ok lovebirds we'll be back and we'll let you know" said Tyler I watched them walk towards the stair to go to my room_

_"so lets dance to kill time" said Devin in my ear I could hear the lust in his voice_

_"get me a drink please" I said wanting to drown in the affect's of the alcohol before anything else, i liked Devin but sometimes I needed the courage of the alcohol _

_"Here drink it fast they're coming" he said coming back from the kitchen "wow that was fast" I said surprised._

_"Hey losers you guys are next" said Lauren giggling with Tyler, jess and mike I could tell they were high already._

_"Let's go babe" Devin told me pulling me towards the stairs._

_I close the door in my room behind me I locked it in case any idiot decided to come up_

_"so are they ready" I said turning around to ask Devin_

_"Sorry baby yea they are how many lines you want to do?" he asked me while still looking down preparing the white powder in straight lines_

_"4 give me 4 just for now" I told him as I reached for the bill that was rolled, I have been drinking and smoking pot a lot but lately my new addiction has been cocaine._

_After we finished I decided to head down but before I could reach the door Devin pulled me by my wrist, he pushed me against the wall and he attached his lips to my neck_

_"mmm Bella baby I want you so bad right now you have no idea how good you look and so faceable too " he said kissing my neck then my collarbone_

_"I want you too but you know they are waiting for us downstairs" I panted out he kissed me with his soft lips he licked my lips our tongues dancing with each other he picked me up I put my legs around his waist his bulge pushing against my core rubbing me the way I wanted_

_"ugh, Devin don't stop baby" I moaned out, I felt the adrenaline of the drug and alcohol swirling around my system_

_"baby I need to be inside you please" he said I could only nod my head, the high was making me dizzy-he set me on my feet I helped him take his pants off I pulled his boxers down I brought his cock out of its confines he put the condom on as I lifted my skirt up and took my thong out he picked me up, I wrapped my legs around him, he pinned me against the wall he gave me one quick kiss then in one swift movement he plunged into me. He started thrusting to me fast and hard but not hard enough on how I wanted it._

_"OH FUCK! HARDER" I screamed in pleasure he pushed harder and faster_

_"oh god Bella your pussy feel so fucking good and tight" he moaned out, I felt the coil in my stomach begin to tightened_

_"oh I'm almost there baby" I moaned_

_"come with me baby, Fuck you feel so good" he moaned out I felt the my climax so close but yet so far away, I kept on hearing him chanting 'fuck so good' with 3 more thrust he came, we stayed locked together for a bit, I was out of breath he set me on my feet after we catch our breaths, we started getting our self's ready to go down to the party the affect of the drugs in my system was making me giddy I felt like I was flying and everything was in 3D that's what I liked about drugs I felt like nothing could bring me down._

_We made it downstairs and I saw my living room had turned into a dance floor full of drunk people, We made our way to our gang._

_"Hey bitches this was some good shit" I said Tyler and Lauren were on a full blown out make-out session_

_"It's so good" said jess I was looking around having the sensation of someone watching me I didn't see anyone, pushing the feeling aside I asked jess and Lauren to dance with me making our way to the dance floor we pushed people aside so they could make room just as the song 'Beep' by The pussy cat dolls came on._

_Jess was in front of me and Lauren was behind me we started dancing and grinding to each other we dance like a bunch of sluts but I didn't care, like so many things I did I never cared about the consequences anymore, Everyone that was dancing stopped just to look at us dance our guys were looking at us with lust._

_The song finish and when I was done dancing I got the feeling I was being watched again I looked around to try and find the source of it but I couldn't find it frustrated I left the gang on the dance floor and made my way to the kitchen to make my self a drink I saw a bottle of Jose Cuervo I started drinking it out of the bottle I didn't mind looking for a glass to serve my self_

_I felt dizzy and buzzed…_

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_**KEEP READING IT WILL ONLY WILL GET BETTER ;-p**_

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	2. the ex

**Hope you guys like this chapter its a litte short sorry oh and I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT HOW SAD =(**

**Bpv: The ex**

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'oh my Fucken god my head hurts' I thought to my self waking up the next morning I had such a hangover,

I got up and walked to my bathroom I saw my reflection and Wow I look like shit how guys thought I was cute I had no idea but I think they are blind haha I walked back to my room and grabbed my toiletries and went back to the bathroom I took a hot shower to relax my muscles 'ooh that feels good' I thought.

I tried to remember what happened after I drank the bottle of tequila I just remember feeling dizzy and how did I get in my room? I don't remember coming up but yet again I don't remember after that bottle, I shrugged it off and got out of the shower and walked back to my room.

I just put some black yoga pants and a t-shirt walked down to the living room and saw what a mess there was I decided to clean it after I drank some coffee, I took out a mug that belonged to Charlie I drink out of it everyday since he passed away I glanced at the clock that was on the stove and saw it was 1pm it was late already...

I had just finished cleaning when I heard my cell phone ring I ran to my room to answer my iPhone

"Hello my biatch" I said seeing who it was

"Hey my dirty lill slut" replied Jessica

"What's up?" I asked

"So listen me and the guys where planning on going to a club it's well known 'but' it's in Vancouver" she said with an emphasis on the 'but'

"um ok" I said

"yea well we are wondering if you wanted to come with us?" she asked

"Fucks yea a road trip sounds good to me" I said excited of the idea of getting out of Forks.

"ok then let me call Mike so he can get his expedition ready!" she chirped excited

"hahaha ok Jess I'm going to call Devin to make sure we take enough stuff to party but where are we staying at?" I said

"Oh we talked to Lauren and her parents have a house close to the city but it's far enough to give us privacy." she said

"ok kool" I said

"ok well talk to you later we leave tonight so hurry and pack" with that she clicked.

I looked around my room for a small suit case and started packing my clothes i didn't pack much We would go shopping as soon as we got there, I brought my case down to the livingroom and called Devin.

"Hey baby" he answer

"Hey babe" I said back"so listen are you getting stuff for the trip?" I asked him

"Yea I'm actually just arriving to a location, I'm in Seattle baby" he said

"oh ok well be safe and call me when you finish ok baby" I said not wanting to interrupt one of his deals

"No I have time I'm meeting at a store with them I'm going to take advantage and buy something for-" he didn't finish as I heard yelling on the back

"Devin what's going on?" I screamed through my phone I stood there quiet trying to hear what was going on

"Your still with that damn slut!" I heard someone yell

"it's none of your damn Fucken business Cynthia" I heard Devin yell back Cynthia is Devin's ex and i believe this is their first encounter since their break up she thinks he dumped her stupid ass cuz of me but no they had already broken up by the time I came into the picture, you are probably wondering why they broke up well it's simple she cheated on him and that's what made our bond strong 2 broken hearts united by the people we both trusted, we never thought they would be the ones that would deceive us.

"I love you Devin unlike her she's just using you for your money!" she screamed at him, it's true he has money but I have my own thanks to Renne , Phil and Charlie they had life insurance they left me everything in case something where to happen to them so I was left with a well sum of money and Devin is well aware of it I trust him with that information.

"You have no idea what you are talking about!" he yelled back at her

"Yes I do why do you think she's with you she's a brat that likes to get things her way!" she yelled back to him

"come back to me baby I'll take you back I'll forget this ever happened she doesn't have to know about us, don't you love me anymore?" she said to him trying to be seductive

"Cynthia you know what we had was special I will always-" he didn't finished talking he was cut off I didn't hear anything else but a moan, my guess is she kissed him!

"DEVIN!" I yelled I had enough of this stupid bitch

"aw shit!" he yelled I guess he didn't realize I was still on the line.

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**So will Devin give a second chance to his ex? or will he stay with bella...review to find out if next chap will be BPV or EPV **


	3. Love ,Life forgotten

** Love, Life forgotten**

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**EPV:**

Purgatory that's my life now ever since I left the love of my life my Soul mate

I sat here in the lunchroom at school ignoring everything around me I zone out all the time I go to a place where I wish I could be right now, our meadow I see _HER_ there waiting for me I haven't been able to say or think her name the pain is too much.

I wish to know how she is, does she think of me? Did she move on like I had planned for her to do? Has someone capture her sweet love, I feel my self get enraged with the mere thought of someone having her love.

'Edward bro you need to relax please' Jasper thinks to me I hear his struggle trying to control his anger,

"Sorry" I murmured at him I can feel the others staring at me.

I make my self relax, I do one quick scan around the room and see if we haven't raised any suspicions but no all is the same just children involved in their typical problems,I hear the gossip going around about the new student that's attending our school I ignore it.

'Great just another one to add to the club of the Cullen obsessed' I thought to my self

I tried to close out the voices in my head this are the times I wish I wasn't a mind reader I hate it I frown as I thought this.

"Isabella" I heard someone yell,

For a quick second I swear my heart leapt back to life and was full of hope wishing it was her, I turned to where the person had said the name I could feel my siblings looking at me and her she was waiting to see what I would do if in fact this was the girl that stole my dead frozen heart,

If you wondering to know who her is she's the one that has brought me out of my day dreaming fantasies where I was always with my Angel for that I hate her I know hate is a strong word but she took advantage of my weakness I was in a very confused state that I thought she was my Bel-She was _her_ my angel and I gave in to her I thought I was making love to my Angel that's what brought me out of my haze when I realized it wasn't my Angel.

I was raised to be a gentleman so after sleeping with her I couldn't just leave even if it was part her fault cuz I do blame my self for part of not realizing sooner, so I Edward Cullen is in a relationship out of guilt not love I'm tied to this woman and that's what's keeping me away from going back to those beloved arms of my sweet Angel.

I scan the room fast and see the new girl I hold my breath waiting for her to turn around I want to see if she's the one I so desperately love I noticed she has long brown hair and her skin is pale she seems the same height all I have to do is wait and see her face she slowly turns we meet eye to eye but her eye color Its not the one I was waiting for this girls eyes are light blue I was hopping to meet chocolate brown and just like that my whole world came crushing down.

"Hey I'm Anthony" said a boy to her who I assume was Anthony

"Hi I'm Isabella but I go by Bella only" she said in a quiet shy voice

I felt like life was slapping me in the face by this I looked at her again and wonder is this how my Bella would talk to guys I got filled with rage I got up abruptly and walked out in the cold winter of Vancouver its not like I would get cold anyways,

I walked and walked not bothering to run I just walked home just thinking to my self.

'this is what you wanted remember' a little voice in my head said to me

'yes I did but I didn't think it would hurt this much' I replied to the little voice

'yea well expect the unexpected' the little voice said

'Yes forgive me for not realizing how much it would hurt' I thought bitterly back

'you know I think you should give your new relationship a chance' the little annoying voice said

'no I cant betray my angel like that' I thought back

'well it's a little too late for that, for god sakes you already slept with the woman ' the voice said

'you do have a point its not like I can go back to my angel' I thought back

'So are you going to give it a chance?, come on boy I need to get some action too' the little annoying voice said

'ugh fine I will give her a chance you happy!' I thought back

'very happy thank you'

Great now I'm talking to my self!

Without realizing I had made it home.

"hey" I said as I noticed everyone was home

"hey" everyone said back

"Hey Edward we were talking and we were planning on going to a club tomorrow night it's in the city so me and the girls are going shopping just letting you know so you can go hunt ok" said the little pixie of my sister.

I can do that, its really not fair to my family and I haven't been out since we left Forks and since i decided i should give my new relationship a chance atleast, i know i can never replace my sweet angel but i have to try its the least i can do for them i will go out and try my best to have fun with my family.

"Ok what's the name of the club we are going to?" I asked her with a tiny smile

"It's called 'Crawl' " she said with the biggest smile i have ever seen.

'Thank god he didnt make a fuss and oh my god he had a smile i know it was small but still i saw it' she tought to her self

'Ahem' i cleared my throat to let her know I could hear her,

'sorry' she tought.

I made my way out to the backyard to run into the woods and find my self a kill, tonight I will make my plans clear I will try to make it work and if it doesnt then we will part ways.

After I killed 2 wildcats and 1 deer I made my way home with my plans decided I will go out tomorrow

night and I will try to have fun.

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**Ok ppl i hope you guys like it and plz ppl dont b shy i dont bite...well maybe i do lol...review review review let me knoe if u guys like it or not cuz i see alot of u are reading it **

**so make me very happy...also i want to say hi to MISTYTEARZZ ;-)**


	4. UHHO

**Heads up ppl This chappy is long too long that i had to cut it **

**So on with the story and enjoy.**

**_JAKE_**

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**Bpv:**

"Bella I'm sorry I pushed her off I swear I did" said Devin through the phone

"Oh quit kissing up to her Devy you know you wanted me to kiss you" Cynthia said

"You damn bitch you better pray I don't come across from you cuz when I do I will beat the living daylights out of you" I yelled through my phone to her

"It's that a threat bitch" she said

"No you slut it's a fucken promise" I said back I was seething how dare she kiss him after what she put him through this girl was seriously fucked up from her head I wonder how many times did her mother dropped her cuz there must be a reason for her damn problems.

"Oh really well we will meet and we will see if you really pull through cuz I know I won't hold back!" she yelled

"I should make my way down there now shouldn't I" I said to her I knew she wouldn't wait

"I wish I could waste my time waiting for you but I got things to do" bitch said making it sound like she was bored by me

"I knew your ass wouldn't pull through" I said

"Yea whatever" she said

"Can I have my phone back now Cynthia" I heard Devin said to her.

I didn't get to hear what she said to him but I'm pretty sure she said call me, His ass hanged up before I can tell her to shove ! I don't really know what Devin feels for her so I'm pissed and worry I might loose him I feel like he's everything I have left, Yea she made him suffer but he loved her so if she wants him back and then he probably wants to be with her I don't know why it hurts to just think he might leave me and go to her.

He's the only one that has made me to really forget the pain that He caused me yes I had Jacob for a month after _they_ left I haven't talked to my wolf friend since Charlie passed away I got close to Devin.

I remember how he hated that I called him Wolfy 'hahaha' poor Jake I should probably call him again we used to wrestle and since I'm mad I should blow some steam off like I used to.

I went outside to get some fresh air and try to relax before Devin got home we needed to talk some stuff

Fuck it I'm just gonna call Jake I looked through my phone until I found it... 1 ring 2 ring 3 ring.

"Hello" said a gruff voice

"Jake" I said timidly

"Bells!" he said surprised

"Yea how you been?" I said quietly afraid he would tell me to go fuck my self for ignoring him all this time

"Que pasa loka" he said cheery'phew' I thought to my self

"I know so listen I was wondering I-If y-your home I-I wa-wanted to come over if that's ok" I stuttered out like an idiot

'you are an idiot' my inner voice said shut it voice i thought.

"Bells you are always welcome to come down here" he said serious

"ok I'll be there in 15 minutes ok" I said excited and I clicked on him with that.

Thank god for no traffic I made it to Jake in exactly 10 minutes,

"Long time no see loka" he said as he ran to me and enveloped me in a big hug

"Jake... can't ...breath" I said out of air

"Oh shit my bad shorty" he said putting me down

"Hey loko" I said once I was able to catch my breath

"I missed you" he said I looked in his eyes and I saw some emotion flicker through his eyes but before I was able to pin point which one it was gone.

"I missed you too... So what are you up to this days" I said as we stood there in front of my car that I bought with my college tuition looking at each other I felt it was to intimate somehow, I looked away trying to clear my mind.

"I've been ok just same old thing" he said as he started to walk towards his house I followed him remembering the last time I was here I froze on the spot I was standing looking down where I had been sitting down that day it was the day Charlie passed away Quil had come running to us.

"Jake! Bella!" he yelled like a crazy man

"Quil calm down what's wrong!" Jake had asked

"Bella I'm so sorry" he said as he broke down crying

"What are you sorry about?" I said looking up at him puzzled by he's demeanor

"Bella Charlie is-" I didn't let him finish

"WHAT! What about Charlie!" I asked getting up scared to hear what I felt in my heart

"Bella Charlie had an accident" he said with a broken voice

"Oh my god is he ok? Where is he at?When did this happen?" I bombard him with questions I wanted to know

"they took him to the hospital right now" he said

"Let's go Bella" Jake said pulling me up He took me in his arms when he saw I was frozen on the spot I couldn't move I could hear my breathing was coming in small gasps

"Bella!" I heard Jake said breaking me out of my memory I looked up to him I saw his face was full if worry, why would he worry?

"Yea sorry what happen?" I asked with a hoarse throat that's when I noticed I was crying

"Are you ok?" he asked still worried

"Yea I'm fine sorry Jake just zoned out remembering some stuff" I said and gave him a small smile I think it came out looking like a grimace but at least I tried right.

"So what brings you here just out of curiosity?" he asked

"Oh well I'm going to be out of town for a couple of days and plus I was mad too cuz Devin was with his ex" I said lamely

"Oh and your worried about it?" he asked

"um well kind of I'm really attached with him" I said looking away, I felt one of his hand under my chin he pulled my face to look at him in the eye.

"You love him" he didn't ask he stated hurt, why would it hurt Jake if I did love Devin? Do I love Devin is that why it hurts to even imagine him leaving me like _HE_ left me

'Stop it swan don't even think of Him' my inner voice yelled.

I haven't thought of him all day and now his memory is coming to the front of my mind the pain is getting strong in my chest I need to get home and find my relieve and it needs to be soon.

"I don't know what you're talking about" I said defensive about the subject trying not to give out my inner turmoil.

"Bells I see it in your eyes, you don't have to lie to me" he said coming closer a little to close I could feel his chest pressed to mine.

"I don't" I said a breathless his closeness was making my mind foggy

"Is it still _him_?" he said with disgust in his voice

"Ye-yea I wish I could stop loving him, I know I need help with forgetting Him" I said feeling guilty about not being able to forget him

"I can help" said Jake

But before I can even ask him how his lips had made contact with mines, My lips molded to his I don't know why I didn't push him away I just kept kissing him, he snaked his arms around my waist pulling me closer to him I raised my hands to his chest then raised them to his hair I started pulling on his hair I felt like I couldn't get close enough to him he made a moaning sound deep in his throat he let go of my waist to pick me up and walked me backwards he then push me against the front door, our tongues where battling with each other with my legs wrapped around him I pushed my hot core to the bulge of his pants raveling in the frictions,

"Oh god" I moaned out he pushed harder into my core hitting right where I wanted,

"Jake we need to stop" I managed to say

"Ok Bells" he said as he licked my earlobe making me moan loud.

'Ahem' I heard a couple of people clear their throats

'Oh shit' I thought.

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**Hello my pretties I hope u guys liked it n remember review review }=) let me know what u think.**

**I already have the next chapter done I'll post it up tomorrow.**


	5. CONFESSIONS

**ok this one is a little shorter than the last one but it had to be like dat...on with the show!**

**I DONOT OWN TWILIGHT =(**

**Confessions**

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**_Bpv:_**

I pulled away looking to see who it was

Jake set me in my feet I fixed my shirt I felt my self blush knowing how we were caught in such a compromising position.

"Wow you guys are better than porn" said Seth Clearwater

"Damn Seth I didn't know you watch porn" said Embry

"Yea I caught him once hahaha he should be happy it was me not his sister or his mom" said Quil

"I'm gonna go Jake I need to get ready we leave tonight" I said before their conversation escalated to other things I didn't want to hear about Seth, I'm not shy hearing of porn but Seth is just 15 I see him as a little kid ugh can you say bad image there.

"Ok bells I guess we'll talk later?" he asked walking me to my car we reached my car I opened the door but before I got in I turned to him

"Yea Jake um you know about the kiss well I really don't know what to say I'm with someone right now and well I can't explain my actions and I don't excuse them either" I said a little confused my self. One minute I'm worried of Devin leaving me and the next I'm kissing Jake what the hell is that!

"Yea I know your with someone but I'll be here when you want me you have options Bella" he said leaning in giving me a small peck on the lips

"I got to go" I said a bit shocked I didn't know what to say to that, I got in my car and drove to my house while thinking.

'How I'm I going to explain this to Devin!' I thought to my self

'Just tell him the truth' my inner voice said

'Yea which is cuz I don't even know what the fuck happened!' I thought back

'Well he kissed you' the little voice said

'You do have a point there' I said thought back

'I know I do'

'Yea how do I explain the rest?' I said

'Yea leave that part out'

'HA! No can do, if I tell him I have to tell him everything you know I don't keep anything from him' I said

'Ok fine tell him '

'Ok who are you' I asked

'Oh silly I'm you' my inner voice said

Great now I'm talking to myself

I got home and saw that it was 8:17 great it's late I noticed Devin wasn't home yet, I walked inside and noticed my bags weren't where I had left them

'I guess Devin came and got them' I thought to my self, I went up to my room to change and get ready I was still wearing my yoga pants and t-shirt from this afternoon.

I looked through my closet I got some black skinny jeans and a purple shirt I got my black flats and made my way to the bathroom, I showered and changed I was doing my make up when the gang arrived I checked the time I saw it was 9.

"hey baby" said Devin to me as i was walking down the stairs.

"hey your self ha-ha" I said playfully to him

"Hey I put your bags in Mikes expedition I hope that's ok" he said

"it's fine so are we ready to go" I asked all of them

"yea we were just waiting for you" said Mike and Tyler at the same time

"ok then I'm ready let's go we have a long drive" I said pushing all of them through the door, The drive to Vancouver was a long one 6 hour drive we would get there rest for a bit then me and the girls would be going shopping for some outfits for the club we were going to in the night, I sat all the way in the back Devin next to me in the middle was Tyler and Lauren, Mike was driving so Jess sat in front next to him, I cuddle my self close to Devin.

"So baby did you bring the good stuff" I asked

"Yes baby you want some right now" he asked

"Can I get some I really don't want to go to sleep" I said

"Yea bro pass some of that shit over" said Tyler turning around to us

"I need some bro since I'm driving" said Mike

"I think we all need it" said a very tired Jessica

Devin got his bag and started going through it I got my iphone I started looking for some good music to put on.

"Here I brought a lot for the whole week" said Devin passing little small bags around

"How long are we staying" I asked

"Not long baby but I brought some just in case you know I'm always prepared" he said

Devin prepared me 4 lines for me to do I grabbed the straw I bend my head down a bit to sniff my lines I heard all of them sniffing I had to laugh at this.

"What's so funny miss swan" asked Lauren

"It sounds like we are having a sniffing contest like little piggy's" I said

"God swan you laugh at the stupidest thing" said Lauren laughing at me

"Hahahaha I know I do" I said laughing uncontrollably

"Baby I think you need to start rolling a blunt" I said to Devin after i stopped laughing.

"Damn baby take it slow" he said

"Fuck babe I haven't had a mother fucken hit all day!" I said getting mad

"oh sorry babe don't get mad, I'll roll you a blunt right now ok" he said kissing me softly on the lips this action brought back the guilt of what I had done with Jake earlier I pulled back

He seemed shocked at my actions

"We need to have a talk" I said softly to him

"Yea we do" he said glumly.

We got high as fuck I lost all my reasons.

Right now Mike was going to pump some gas so we were getting down to stretch our legs out.

Devin pulled me for a small walk to the side of the small store

"Bella what's wrong? Is this about Cynthia?" he asked

"Um yes and no" I said not able to look at him in the eye

"Look I know she kissed me and I should have pushed her off faster but I don't know I guess I froze " he said sounding guilty

"what happened when you hanged up on me?" I asked

"I didn't hang up on you she did, I'm so sorry Bella she kissed me and things got a little heated between us but I stopped it I feel so guilty Bella cuz you have been so good to me" he said sounding morose

"um its ok Devin actually I need to tell you something" I said how can i judge him when i had done the same shit too.

"what?" he asked ok here goes nothing.

"Um you see I have a friend down at La push I went to see him I told him about you and how I was feeling knowing you saw your ex and well he kissed me things got a little heated between us too I feel so guilty too" I said pacing in front of him i couldnt face him knowing his face was going to be full of disgust for me.

He stopped me by standing in front of me he cupped my face in his hands and made me look him in the eye.

"Bella we both had slips, we both admitted to one another what happened, it goes to show that we have a very good relationship and this showed me how much you really mean to me by you being honest" he said holding my gaze he leaned down, he kissed my lips with such tender and love it wasn't full of lust it wasn't needy it wasn't rushed it was perfect.

"I love you Bella" he said looking me in the eye, I saw it there he was in love with me the problem now did I love him too.

"Devin I-" he didn't let me finish

"I know it might be too soon for you and I understand you will tell me when your ready and I will be waiting" he said honestly

"Thank you your so sweet" I said I pecked him gently on the lips

"But you deserve to know you have helped me heal little by little I'm not fully healed I still have a long way to go but baby I do love you" I said with teary eyes knowing i was saying the truth this moment right here made me realize my feelings for him, he leaned down and gave me a soft kiss.

I knew I will never love anyone like I have loved _HIM_ he will forever hold that special place in my heart but it was time for me to try and live my life I couldnt wait for someone who never loved me.

"Hey lovebirds we go to go" yelled Tyler,

we made our way to the truck we got in just then did I remember that I had never asked the name of the club.

"Hey guys what's the name of the club I never asked" I said

"Oh it's called 'Crawl'" said Lauren.

* * *

**AWW our sweet bella is in love with Devin, but what's going to happen when she bumps into our Edward...dun..dun..dun! **

**So i hope you guys like this chp the next one is done but im still working a couple of details on it **

**ok you guys know the routine review let me know what you think. **


	6. ARRIVING TO VANCOUVER

**ARRIVING TO VANCOUVER**

**_Bpv:_**

* * *

We had just arrived to Vancouver.I was looking around the streets I noticed this place was like forks it appeared to be a small little town it was 4 in the morning so everything was quiet it all looked like Forks i saw Mike turned on a street I noticed he started driving towards a huge house on top of a hill.

"Damn Lauren is that your parents house?" Devin asked pointing to the house.

"Yea" she mumbled taking a peek to where he was pointing.

We were all tired we only stopped when it was needed, We arrived to the house it was 3 floors it had huge windows it was gray and white it looked so modern it was also a 3 car garage to add they were huge. We got down and walked inside the first floor sank down, it was the living room it was massive next to it was a playroom if you kept walking the kitchen was next to it, the counter top was marble the cabinets were cherry wood the appliances were stainless steel, there was some big French doors to the right of the kitchen Lauren said that was her parents room. The second floor Lauren said it had 3 bedrooms each with their own bathroom we went up to check them out they where incredibly huge each room had a walk in closet build in drawers the floor was wood.

The third floor she told us was the same 3 bedrooms but it was designed to be like outdoors, in the back yard they have a this big pond.

We grabbed our stuff and we made our way to the rooms we left the third floor alone we all stayed in the second floor.

Devin and I got in our room it was nice the canopy bed was a king size the white netting made it look like a cloud I dropped my luggage, I undressed my self and climbed in bed in just my bra and my boy shorts I was so tired, we had to get up to go shopping in a couple of hours.

I felt him crawl in bed with me he pulled me to him I snuggled deep in his arms I loved the warmth of his body, with him kissing my temple I drifted off to sleep.

I woke up I saw it was noon already, Devin was still sleeping I went grabbed my toiletries and a change of clothes out of my bag quietly I made my way to the bathroom, I showered and changed I did my make up light I left my hair down.

I made my way down to the kitchen to grab something to drink Lauren and Jess were already there drinking some wine coolers,

"Hey ladies" I said I was still tired

"hey" they both said tiredly too we just stood there looking at each other out of nowhere we burst out.

"let's go shopping!" we all said excited we laughed at our out burts laughing we made our way to the mall.

We only went to buy an outfit for tonight we all got some nice dresses I saw some really cute Jimmy Choos I grabbed.

We arrived home to find the guys ready, I saw the time it was 7 we would be leaving at 8:30 to get to the club at hurried and showered I put my dress on it was skin tight dress it was strapless navy blue I put my silver fuck me heels did my make up my eye shadow was smoky silver with black, I did my lips with a little red tint to them I let my hair loose I had natural curls so I didn't have to do nothing to it, I grabbed the rest of my accessories and made my way down.

"Fuck" I heard of couple of murmurs I smiled looking at Devin he was wearing some loose black jeans with a gray button shirt the top buttons were un-done I was able to see some of his Tattos he had in his chest.

"Let's go" said Tyler watching Lauren who was wearing a red halter top dress tight with some red fuck me heels, Jess was wearing a blue one shoulder strap dress and some blue stilletos we made our way to the truck we got in, Tyler started driving towards the club, 'Crawl'.

The music was loud I could feel the pounding in my chest I don't know if its being caused by the music or my nerves I have been nervous since we were coming.

I pulled Devin to the side where no one could hear.

"I need some right now please" I said pouting my lips

"ok come on" he said pulling me back to the truck.

He took some small bag out handed me a small straw, I sniffed it desperately trying to get rid of my nerves I saw him do some really fast, I started feeling dizzy right away.

"wow this is good" I said

"yea lets go" he said pulling me to the entrance of the club we catched up to the guys they were about to go in. The club was huge it was packed it looked almost like a football stadium cuz of how big it was. We made our way to a table thank god we were able to find one, the guys went to leave our coats and get us some drinks, well Devin went to go get us drinks since Mike and Tyler were underage they just went to help him carry them, the music was loud I loved it the Dj was playing 'shake your pom pom' by Missy Elliot.

Jess was swaying to the music Lauren started joining her I felt my body follow their lead.

"would you like to dance" a guy asked Lauren

"maybe later" she said flirting with him

"OH come on just one dance wouldn't hurt" he said

"No it wouldn't hurt but she's not alone" said Tyler in a menacing voice as he stood next to the guy,Shit they better not fight to my surprise the guy walked away

' thank you god' I thought.

"Here baby it's a tonic" Devin said in my ear I took a sip it tasted good and the alcohol was strong but I liked it.

"thank you baby" I said I gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"let's dance!" Jessica yelled over the music we left our table, we headed to the dance floor with our drinks in our hand. Us girls just started grinding to each other while the guys watched us dance Jessica kissed my neck while Lauren slapped my ass I moaned to add affect to it. I looked at Devin his eyes were full of lust I noticed other guys were looking at us but the guys had girls looking at them.

'BITCHES' I thought

Devin pulled me to him I started grinding to him I could feel his excitement through his pants, I pushed my ass rougher against his bulge I made him moan I grinned knowing the affect I had on him. We had been dancing a couple of songs I asked Devin to get me a drink that I would meet him at our table. I turned to dance with Lauren and Jessica since the guys went with him to get drinks.

"Jess I wanna do some lines" Lauren said.

"Me too what about you Bella?" Jessica asked me

"Fuck I want some so bad" I said

"ok let's go let the guys know we are going to the ladies room" said Lauren with a mischievous smile.

We started making our way to our table when I was pushed into something hard I looked up to see what it was my breath hitched and got caught in my throat there stood someone I never thought I would find here.

"Bella!" he said surprised.

* * *

**Ok ppl let me know what you think this one chap had to happen just so i could get to the good stuff and boy is it coming up ;)**

** One thing next chapter is done but i want to know if you guys want an Edward point of view before i get to the good stuff.**

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**


	7. ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE

**ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE**

**_Bpv:_**

* * *

"Wh-What are you doing he-here" I stuttered out surprised he was here,did he follow me?.

"Oh um I came with Paul and Embry" Jake said.

"Oh" I said lamely

"Bella! What are you doing here!" asked Paul coming with some drinks in his hands he handed one to Jake right behind him I saw Embry.

"Hey Paul, Embry oh I came with some friends. What about you guys?" I said and asked

"Oh kool we came with my girl she brought some friends for Jake and Embry" he said wiggling his eyebrows.

'So Jake is here on a date how nice of him' I thought.'Are you jealous?' my inner voice asked 'what no!' I replied wait was I jealous no I love Devin.

"well it was nice running into you guys I'm going to go find my group ok" I said feeling out of place I walked to the table where I saw the group sitting down Devin looked pissed I went and sat down next to him.

"Hey" I said

"Where were you!" he asked with anger

"I ran into some friends from Forks" I said annoyed I hate it when he goes caveman on me.

"Who?" he asked still mad

"Some friends from La push you don't know them" I finished saying as I realized my mistake, I think he realized who I was talking about.

"Is it him" he said with such venom

"Yes his one of them" I said carefully afraid he would go hunt Jake down.

"Did he do anything to you?" he asked softly, I knew he was afraid I would leave him to go with Jake.

"No he didn't try anything he's here on a date, so don't worry about it" I told him, I leaned down I gave him a small peck on the cheek.

"Come on caveman let's dance" I told him pulling him up

"go dance with the girls I want to do some lines, I'll find you" he whispered.

"Ok hurry" I said making my way to the dance floor with the girls we stayed in view of our table to see when the guys would were playing some techno I was moving to the beat with the girls.

"Mind if we join" I turned to see who asked and it was the pack.

"Not at all" said Jessica and Lauren before I could say something. Paul started dancing with Lauren, Embry was with Jessica that left me with Jake.

I started swaying my hip back and forth when I felt his hands on my hip pulling me closer to him I saw the girl dancing with the guys they weren't dancing this close like we were this made me a little uncomfortable but not enough to push him away he turned me over so my back was to his chest and he started guiding me to move with his hips I could feel his excitement through his jeans, he was getting turned on I turned my self over to face him so I couldn't touch his bulge.

"Jake I got to go" I said looking him in the eye. I felt him starting to guide me backwards while dancing. Where is he taking me?

"Why? I don't think he'll mind at all" he said seductively

"Jake I told him about yesterday he knows and he knows it's you" I said a little worried

"so I don't care if he knows" he said bending his head down I saw what he was trying to do, I turned my face away so he couldn't kiss me.

That's when I saw Devin coming our way with a murdering look on his face I turned to look at Jake and our positions. Oooh did this look bad.

"Jake let go he's coming!" I said trying to move from him but his grasp tightened he wouldn't budge

"Let him come, just let me do one thing" he said lifting his hands to hold my face. I tried to move my face from him.

"Jake don't-" I didn't finish he smashed his lips with mines I was trying to push him away but he wouldn't let go I was trying to say ' let go what are you nuts' but all I got out was 'mmmmmmmm' All of a sudden he was pulled away from was punching him Jacob was blocking and punching back Devin landed a blow to Jake stomach making Jake bend down.

"Oh fuck Devin stop!" I yelled I mean Jake is huge he's ripped with muscles everywhere he's every girls temptation but Devin had this bad boy image to him he has muscles all over too but he looks less bulky than Jake though.

I was trying to get in the middle of them all of a sudden I was pulled a side so I wouldn't get hurt I saw they where pulled apart too I didn't bother to check by who but I got in the middle and I was pissed.

"Stop it both of you" I yelled at them getting in the middle of them they were trying to fight again. I was in the middle of them I had one hand on Devin's chest and one on Jake's.

"Jake stop ok I think you should go back to your date!" I yelled at him

"I don't care about my date I only care about you" he said grabbing my wrist and pulling me to him. Devin held on to my other wrist so that I couldn't be with Jake.

"Let her go you dog" Devin sneered at him pulling me towards him.

"Why so you can destroy her! You think I don't know what you have been giving her since you started dating her!" Jake yelled back

"I never push her it comes out of her! Who I'm I to deny her what she wants!"Devin yelled.

"If you care for her you wouldn't let her do that to her self" Jake yelled

"I Fucken love her! So don't tell me I don't care for her!" yelled Devin this arguing had been going back and forth and each time one of them would yell they would pull on me making me look like a damn yo-yo.

"STOP IT!" I yelled I was seething now and my wrist were hurting.

"For Fucks sakes you guys are arguing about me like if I'm not even fucking here my life is no ones business but yet you 2 assholes decided to make it peoples business by displaying my life!" I screamed at them.

"Jake you have no idea what you are saying Fuck Devin loves me he wouldn't hurt me." I said to him

"Devin you should know better than this shit don't play into it! God yes I know your jealous but did you really had to discuss my life here!" I said feeling a little embarrassed with the fact people were hearing of my problems.

"Bella do you love him" asked Jake all of a sudden I was taken a back by this

"Sorry Jake but that's none of your business" I said looking at him with hate

"Just tell me the truth and I'll go" he said a little hurt

"Jake don't" I didn't get to finish he interrupted me

"The truth Bella" he said

"...Yes I love him" I said turning to look into Devin's eyes.

"I love you too baby" said Devin pulling me to him I hugged him with the feeling of never letting go I buried my face in his neck.

"Bella?" I heard a tinker-bell voice ask I knew that voice anywhere.

I stiffen in Devin's arms I knew he noticed cuz he did the same. I turned around and there greeted me a sight I thought I might never see again. There stood Alice with Rose and another beautiful strawberry-blond with them i could tell she was one of their kind. I let go of Devin with all the arguing I finally noticed we had gather a little crowd then I noticed who had separated Devin and Jake.

Emmet was behind Jake, I'm guessing Jasper was the one who moved me to not get hurt I turned to see who I knew had pulled Devin.

There he stood behind Devin looking more gorgeous than I remember EDWARD.

Ironic my ex holding my now boyfriend, the one who broke me with the one who fixed me.

* * *

**SO THERE YOU HAVE IT THE CULLEN'S COME INTO THE PICTURE FINALLY =) **

**REVIEW LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK CUZ I HAVE THE NEXT CHAPTER BUT I WONT POST IT UP UNTIL I KNOW IF YOU LIKED THIS ONE **

**I KNOW I'M EVIL BUT SOME OF YOU ARE READING BUT YOUR NOT LETTING ME KNOW IF YOU GUYS ARE LIKING THE STORY =(**


	8. YOU COULD BE HAPPY

**YOU GUYS NEED TO LISTEN TO **

**YOU COULD BE HAPPY BY SNOW PATROL **

**IT MAKES YOU FEEL HIS PAIN MORE**

**_I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT _**

**Epv:

* * *

**

**"You could be happy but I wont know**

**But you weren't happy the day I watched you go"**

I had found this meadow when we first moved here.

I was sitting down just listening to my ipod thinking of my angel a song by snow patrol was on how I related to that song.

**"And all the things that I wished I had not said**

**Are played loops till its madness in my head"**

_"You…don't…want me?" she asked with tears in her eyes_

_"You're not good for me, Bella" I had said her face showed how much I hurt her_.

**"Is it too late to remind you how we were?**

**But not our last day of silence, screaming,blur"**

_"You need to sleep Bella" i said_

_"No I want you to kiss me" she said_

_"You're overestimating my self-control" I had said_

_"which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?" she challenged_

_"It's a tie" I grinned back._

**"Most of what I remember makes me sure**

**I should have stopped you from walking out the door**

**You could be happy, I hope you are**

**You made me happier than I'd been by far"**

_"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…" I murmured_

_"What a stupid lamb" she sighed_

_"What a sick, masochistic lion" I replied_

**"Somehow everything I own smells like you**

**And for the tiniest of moment its all not true"**

_"Are you cold" I had asked when I saw her shiver._

_"its just the coke" she explain shivering again_

_"don't you have a jacket" I said disapproving_

_"Yes... oh I left it in Jessica's car" she explained_

_"Here" I handed her my jacket_

_"thanks" she said putting it on._

**"Do the things that you always wanted to**

**Without me there to hold you back; don't think just do**

**More than anything I want to see you, girl**

**Take a glorious bite out of the whole world"**

**"BELLAAAAAAAA!"** I rocked my body back and forth I was in a fetal position sobbing for leaving my soul ,my life my everything behind.

"**BELLAAAA!"** I screamed **"BELLAAAA! I LOVE YOU"**

"**AAAHHHHH"** The pain in my heart was too much.

I sobbed until it was night time.

* * *

We were sitting in our living room waiting for the girls, I would show them tonight that I'm willing to try.

"Wow you look beautiful" I heard Jasper say

I turned towards the stairs the girls were coming down how I wish it was my angel coming down and not _her_ but I screwed up and I have to deal with the consequences.

"You all look beautiful ladies" I said not wanting to point her out

"Thank you ,so shall we go" said the little pixie of my sister.

We got in Emmet's Hummer they just recently got this one he hasn't said why he doesn't want to drive the jeep he keeps telling everyone he got bored of it but we know the real reason he tries to hide it from me but he can't, it hurts him to get in it when it still smells like her the strawberry of her shampoo it's penetrated not just in his but in all of ours. I drive the Volvo just so I can smell her I like to torture my self with it I don't let no one else in it afraid the smell will fade with their scent. With my mind full of thoughts I didn't noticed we had arrived at the club..

'Edward I can't see our future after one hour in there I'm worried' thought Alice to me I nodded my head up and down letting her now I would keep an eye out.

'Thank you for coming with us' she thought I shook my head side ways to her to not thank me it's my fault we aren't happy in the first place.

We made our way in of course we turned heads Like always we found our self a table with no problem we sat down the girls decided they wanted to go dance my brothers and me just sat down and watch them I saw how most of the guys were looking at them. Some guys tried to dance with them but they pushed them away.

"How are you feeling bro" Emmet asked Jasper. We still keep an eye out for him he has gotten better at his control but we can never be to sure I read his thoughts they were excited I guess being surrounded by drunk people really affected him.

"I feel fine thanx for asking" he said all giddy we just chuckled at his excitement.

"You're a lucky asshole, feeding of peoples excitement, what does it feel like?" he asked him

"Jasper dont lie to him just tell him, he feels buzzed don't deny it" I said to him

"Fine you asses I feel buzzed ok you know what" he said then I felt it the dizzy feeling I felt drunk the feeling reminded me of the exhilarating feeling when Im running through the forest.

"Fuck jazz!" yelled Emmet, people turned to look at us we started giggling like a bunch of school girls.

"What's so funny" the girls came to sit with us we just laughed harder

"Show them bro" I said laughing, it felt good to laugh after a long time

"What the fuck! Is that" asked a giggling Alice.

"That my sweet darling is the feeling of being drunk" Japer said with his southern accent

"ok you bunch of drunks let's go dance" said Rose pulling Emmet to stand we made our way to the dance floor I started dancing to some techno when I heard Jasper's thoughts he sobered up making us sober with him

'Oh my god it's Bella' Jasper thought I followed his train of sight we all stopped dancing the rest turned to see what we were looking at there we saw her dancing with a guy but it looked like she was pushing him away. I saw her turn her face this fucker was trying to kiss her.

'Edward don't I can't see our future anymore!' yelled Alice to me in her thoughts.

I notice I was moving close to her, my brothers followed behind me we froze on our spot when we saw a guy come towards them pulling the other guy off. She looked so beautiful but she had lost some weight she looked so fragile she didn't look nothing like the Bella I had left behind her face looked hard- her scream snapped me out of my trance I noticed she was trying to separate them when I heard her sweet voice.

"Oh fuck Devin stop!" she yelled

"Oh shit did Bella just cussed? Damn she looks hot bro!" said Emmet then I heard the 'whack'

"Shut up you idiot and go help her before she gets hurt " said Rose

We made our way to them I pulled away one guy while Jasper pulled her away my angel looked mad.

"Stop it both of you!" she yelled at them getting in the middle of them, this guy tried to pull away from me but I was stronger

'how dare he kiss my girl!' the guy I was holding kept screaming in his head.

She's with him I read all of his thoughts Bella dancing with him, Bella kissing him, Bella fighting with him, Bella fighting against other girls for him.

'They are fighting for her damn who would have thought' thought Rose.

"Why so you can destroy her! You think I don't know what you have been giving her since you started dating her!" yelled the guy that Emmet was holding I didn't hear most of what they were arguing I was reading their thoughts.

His name is Jake he's a native from down at La Push he is also a wolf. I read his thoughts I saw how he spied on Bella always watching her she must have felt it too cuz she kept looking around then I saw what he meant of this guy giving her. I saw my sweet innocent Bella smoking what seemed to be a joint then her drinking and just recently sniffing cocaine. I felt enraged by this how can he give her this didn't he care for her I let him go before I did anything stupid. I was brought out of his thoughts by a question that stopped my breathing

"Bella do you love him" asked Jake looking at me.

'listen to what she says leech' he sneered in his thoughts to me he knew what I was cuz of his legends.

"Sorry Jake but that's none of your business" she said looking at him did she love him did she really moved on and forgot about me about what we had.

"Just tell me the truth and I will let you be" I heard Jake say he sounded hurt I saw how he's in love with her too it hurts him to think she doesn't love him back

"Jake don't" She didn't finished he interrupted her

"the truth Bella" he said

"...Yes I love him" She said looking at the guy I had been holding

"I love you too baby" he said pulling her to him she hugged him she buried her face in his neck.

Right there my whole world stopped spinning she had forgotten about me about what we had she did move on like I had wanted her to.

'Damn im sorry bro' thought Jasper

'No she can't love him! she's supposed to be with Edward!' Rosalie surprised me by this

"Bella?" Alice spoked to her I saw her stiffen in his arms she pulled away she took in her surroundings she noticed the small crowd and all of my siblings one by one then she turned to me we locked eyes.

'My sweet angel how have I missed you why did I leave you' I thought.

* * *

**FIRST OFF I WANNA THANK ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE LEFT ME A REVIEW JUST CUZ OF YOU I DECIDED TO NOT MAKE YOU GUYS WAIT BUT**

**IM LOOKING FO ATLEAST 5 REVIEWS FOR THIS CHAPY**

**IF I REACH THE 5 I'LL POST TOMORROW BEFORE NOON ;)**


	9. VIRGIN?

_**VIRGIN?**_

_**Bpv**_

* * *

They had listened to everything the fight had been about.I made eye contact with him his eyes were full of emotions some of it was sorrow, pain and why would he show love he moved to stand next to his siblings not breaking our eye contact I finally broke it when I noticed the beautiful strawberry- blond stand next to him holding his arm now I knew why he showed love, he was in love with someone who looked better than me I turned to see Jake looking at them too but he didn't seem surprised.

Is this why he pushed to know if I was in love with Devin?. Just so they could hear I was in love with someone else they don't care.I turned to Devin he looked so cute being clueless I felt the pain in my chest coming on seeing all of them but specially him brought all those painful memories I had to get out of here I pulled on Devin's arms he looked at me.

"Let's go it's time" I said very softly he knew what I meant I needed to get high to forget the pain.

"Ok let's go let the others know" he said softly holding my face like if I was some fragile china doll that would brake any moment.

"Bella how you been?" I heard Rose ask what did it matter to her to them they heard about my problem plus they never cared I was just a pet I felt anger bubble inside of me.I turned around I was about to answer when I felt being slapped. I saw every one stand with their mouths open like a bunch of fishes 'ugh idiots' I turned to see who had done it and there she stood Devin's ex Cynthia.

"YOU BITCH! She yelled before I could retaliate Rose stepped in front of me.

"Touch her again and I will kill you" said Rose in a menacing voice.

What the fuck rose hates me why would she defend me? Ill worry about that later.

"Move Rose" I said in a calm voice

"Listen bitch! You better get the FUCK OUT OF MY DAMN FACE CUZ I AM NOT IN THE FUCKEN MOOD!" I yelled at her

"Like if I care what's your mood you damn slut!" she yelled

"I think you should" I said in a deadly voice stepping close to her we were face to face.

"Baby don't- she's not worth it" said Devin pulling on my arm I pushed him off I was already pissed didn't he just pulled this shit on me.

"You're calling me a SLUT when you're the one who cheated on him by opening your damn Fucken legs to another guy who wasn't your fiancée" I yelled at her

"HA! Look the virgin is talking!" she sneered at me

"What the fuck are you doing here Cynthia" Devin asked before I was able to say something

"I came with some friends" she said sweetly to him

"I thought we were more than friends" said Paul coming to stand next to her I guess she didn't notice he was there.

"Oh wow your still with him, you keep telling me to leave her to go back to you when your still with the guy you cheated on me with!" said Devin getting mad again

I was still face to face to her I saw how her face paled when he said this.

"Wait you cheated on him with Paul!" I said shocked I turned to look at Paul he looked pissed

"You're asking your ex to go back with you when you are still with me!" Paul yelled at her

I turned to her with a smug face.

"And you are calling me a Slut?" I said smugly to her face she looked red in the face she was speechless.

"Seriously you kids are full of drama" said the strawberry-blond

"UGH can someone shut the tramp there please" I said turning to look at the Cullen's

They stood there mouth a gap shocked by what I had said to them but truth be told I lost respect to all of them. I'm not the sweet innocent Bella they left behind.

"What did you call me?" she said getting over being shocked that a mere human was going to answer her like that.

"You know swan you talk almighty like you don't hide shit, I know what it is that you do, did you forget I used to live with him?" said Cynthia

"Really enlightened me then" I said.

'Do you really want her to say your life in front of the Cullen's?' my inner voice said

'Too late now they heard I do stuff but just not exactly what well Edward probably read their minds so he knows but the rest don't' I thought back.

we started circling each other.

"You really don't think I know about your addiction, the adrenaline rush you get with being high and you driveyour damn bike at the same time" she said smugly I heard a couple of gasp

"It's not an addiction stupid" I said

"Oh but it is!, you crave it daily and every 5 minutes you want more I bet you anything you want some right now" she said grinning at me still circling me.

"Actually no I don't want some right now" I stated proudly

"So you do admit you do drugs" she said

"So what if I do?" I asked I heard a couple of

'oh my god' by the Cullen's yea I'm a dissapoinment.

"So my little virgin you're an addict didn't I get that right, so I must be right when I call you a SLUT" she said proud of her self I looked from her to the first person I found I made eye contact with him I could see in his eyes disappointment it must be of me I didn't break eye contact with him. I wanted to yell at him how can you leave me if you're my soul mate but I guess I wasn't his we kept staring

" What makes you think I'm a slut" I asked still looking at him I could see hurt in his eyes

"Well did you forget what happened yesterday with Jake and I know your no virgin but you like to play one" she said I turned to see her she had an evil smirk on her face I walked up to her

"If you think Devin doesn't know your wrong I told him as soon as he got home and I don't play a virgin I know I'm not one" I said to her making her loose her smirk

"but you mustn't have the right information since it was nothing but a kiss if that's what your referring too" I said to her I saw the crowd there still not moving the Cullen's just looked shocked about this.

"If dry humping you on the side of his house is called kissing then ok" she said smugly they told this bitch about it!

"I rather get caught dry humping in the side of a house than getting fucked in the middle of a store like you did I had clothes on and you were bare ass naked did you forget that little detail cuz if you did its on you tube" I said smugly to her

She tried to slapp me but I acted fast and took hold of both her hands

"You know since they tell you everything down there I think they forgot to mention one small detail about me" I said

"Really what's that, oh wait that you were passed around like one of your joints?" she sneered at me

"No that I used to box it out with the guys not even Leah was able to last a round with them like I did, you have met Leah right" I whispered in her ear.

I brought my arm back and took a swing at her with one punch I knocked her ass on the ground.

"Don't fuck with me his mine get over it don't like it bite me bitch" I said looking at her sprawled at the floor.

I turned around I was about to walk away when I felt someone grab me by the hair I used my elbow to hit them in the ribs making them let go of my hair I turned around I saw Cynthia grabbing her rib she composed her self and threw her self at me she punched me on the lip I felt the blood in my mouth I kicked her on the leg making her loose balance I grabbed her hair then head bumped her she grabbed a hold of my hair we were tangle with each other I felt people trying to separate us.

"Bella let her go" I heard someone say

"NO!" I yelled all of a sudden I felt a cool hand in my arm making me let go of her I felt calmed I turned to see jasper holding my arm I saw behind him the security guards were coming towards us I turned to see Cynthia knocked out cold Paul, Embry ,Jake and Devin were laying her on the floor checking on her

I felt a cold arm grab me by the waist and started moving me towards the exit.

I felt the cold of the night in my face I felt relaxed

"Are you feeling calmed now" asked a velvety voice I knew that voice and it was the last one I wanted to hear...

* * *

**WELL WELL WELL THE CULLEN'S HAVE WITNESSED THE NEW REBEL BELLA..WHAT DOES IT EDWARD THINK?**

**OMJ THANK YOU ALL WHO LEFT ME A REVIEW NOW I HOPE I DIDNT LET YOU DOWN WITH THIS CHAPPY CUZ I WAS UNDECIDED ABOUT IT**

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	10. THE CULLEN'S

**I HOPE YOU LIKE IT =)**

**THE CULLEN'S**

**EPV:**

* * *

I shouldn't have left you

'You left her for a good reason you want her to grow up have kids have a Normal life remember' my inner voice said

'yes but not with drugs' I thought back

'let her be she's moved on now go to your mate' my inner voice said

' I love you my Bella' I thought moving without breaking our eye contact with her I stood next to my new mate she held my arm Bella broke our eye contact she looked down and saw our arms connected she looked hurt. She looked to Jake who was just staring at us then to the other guy I read his name of jakes thoughts.

His name is Devin his 21 his older than her and to make it worst he's a damn Drug Lord, She turned away I tried to move to her but this one didn't let go

'Edward move an I'll make a scene for you' she thought to me I stopped moving

"let's go it's time" she said in a small voice I read his thoughts to see what she meant he was gonna take her to do drugs I spoke low and fast so just my siblings could hear

"One of you stop them now" I said fast

"Bella how you been?" Rose asked She turned around she opened her mouth but a girl came out of nowhere and slapped her we stood there shocked who was this girl, Rosalie stepped forward and looked at the girl with so much hate.

"Touch her again and I will kill you" said Rose in a menacing voice she has never liked Bella but she has seen how she changed us all she was the glue to this family Emmet doesn't joke like he used to Alice hardly goes shopping. today was the first day we decided to go out all 6 of us.

"Rose move" Bella said in a calmed voice; I took notice of my Bella she wasn't the sweet angel I left, No before us stood a Lioness she was fierce and deadly like a cobra ready to attack. We kept quiet just watching Bella my siblings were in a state of shock hearing what she has been up to.

"You really don't think I know about your addiction, the adrenaline rush you get with being high and you drive your damn bike at the same time" she said smugly to my Bella

"Damn Bella turned hardcore" whispered Emmet

"She's full of hate and rage" said Jasper.

The things this girl said made a stab in my heart over and over again.

Bella looked up made eye contact with me I felt disappointment in myself I let her down she's like this cuz of me.

I saw when Bella leaned forward to whisper in her ear only us with special hearing got to hear what she said.

"No that I used to box it out with the guys not even Leah was able to last a round with them like I did, you have met Leah right" she whispered

I read the mongrels thought and sure enough I saw how my sweet Bella used to fight with them they made her tough they showed her how to fight.

'Whack' I heard I stopped looking into the mongrels mind I saw Bella had punched the girl Cynthia in the face she was in the floor.

"Don't fuck with me he's mine get over it don't like it bite me bitch" she said looking at the girl on the floor.

"Oh shit!" yelled Emmet

"Fuck she grew a back bone" said Rose

"don't mess with the human" chuckled Jasper

"Oh my god she is wearing high heels and! They are Jimmy Choos!" squealed Alice

"At least she fights with style" said the blond next to me.

Before our eyes I saw how the girls started fighting Bella had the upper hand she was well trained by wolfs.

"Damn it break them up" I said making my way to them I had notice the girl Cynthia was knocked out I pulled Bella by the waist while the guy Devin was holding Cynthia

"Bella let go" I said

"NO!" she yelled

"Jasper!" he knew what I wanted him to do.

I felt her relaxed she turned to him then to where they were laying Cynthia on the floor;I pulled her by the waist taking her to get fresh air I knew my siblings would be following us.I saw she took a big breath and let it out.

"Are you calmed now" I said She stiffen she turned around and just stared at me then at my sibling with so much hate in her eyes.

"Wow bells you know how to fight" said Emmet proud of her

"Oh my god Bella you wear high heels and not just any high heels but fuck me high heels that are Jimmy Choos" squealed Alice

She just looked at all of us like if we were crazy.

"Careful guys she's not happy she's gonna explode" jasper whispered fast to us.

"Bella are you ok did you get hurt?" I had to ask

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU GUYS CARE!" she yelled at us

"Hi Bella I'm Tanya" she said extending her arm out ignoring Bella's explosion

"What makes you think I give a fuck who you are or what you are doing here!" she sneered to Tanya.

"You don't have to be a bitch about it" said Tanya back

"Then get the fuck out of my face if you can't handle me bitch" Bella said stepping closer to Tanya

I got next to Tanya and pulled her back "Damn bells you sure know how to raise hell" said Emmet laughing

"Oh my god you have your nose pierced!" squealed Alice

"why did you do that?" I asked with a disapproving tone

"cuz I can ok!" she said turning around she started walking away from us

"where are you going" I asked

"I'm getting the fuck out of here" she replied without looking back at us

"Bella wait!" yelled Alice She stopped, turned and just glared at us

"what?" she asked with annoyance

"do you have a ride?" Alice asked her timidly

"Yes I have a ride" Bella said frustrated. Bella took out her phone and was about to dial when someone yelled her name

"Hells Bells what the fuck happen back there my little slut" asked Lauren;I remember her she didn't like Bella when we used to live there what brought them together

"Bella you beat the shit out of that girl, she's knocked out!" said Jessica What in the hell! She has been hanging with them no wonder she's like this.

"Holy shit it's the Cullen's" said Lauren "yea... Hey you have the key to the truck right" Bella asked them. I noticed they where drunk they also had drugs in their system.

"Yea here" said Lauren tossing the keys to bella ran to the truck it looked like she was looking for something she was bending down over the passenger seat the dress she was wearing didn't leave anything to the imagination;I could see her curves, her small waist, her ass looked well rounded her legs looked long and toned. I didn't notice I was staring until Emmet brought me out of my not so innocent thoughts.

"Nice view bro?" thought Emmet wiggling his eyebrows at me I cleared my throat at her so she could fix her self up cuz I was having a big problem down below

"What" she asked turning to look at me with a knowing smirk in her face

"I uh " was all I could get out

"I'm I showing you my underwear" she said staring down on her dress.

"Yea almost" replied Tanya pissed that I was checking out Bella's ass

"Really did you see them?" asked Bella staring at me

"um no you can't see them" I said embarrassed being caught by her if I could I would be blushing right now.

"I don't think you can anyways" she replied with a smirk on her face

"And why's that?" asked Emmet. Did he really have to ask!"Oh that's simple I'm not wearing anything under" she said without a bother in the world just looking at me in the eye.

I never cuss but "Fuck" I whispered I thought I said it low but I guess not since a heard a bunch of chuckles behind me, Bella just giggled at me fuck her giggle made my dick twitch.

"Damn it Edward I could feel the lust coming off of you in waves, bro" thought Jasper

'Slut' thought Tanya

"Shit wouldn't you like to tap that ass, uh bro" said Emmet wiggling his damn eyebrows at me again. I won't live this down I just know it.

"Fuck me!" she yelled all of a sudden for a second I thought she said that to me but no she turned to the 2 girls that were getting all touchy with each other I shivered at the sight of it.

"Hey bitches do you guys know where Devin left his bag?" she said to them"Yea he has it in his jacket" answer Lauren I read their thoughts I saw what Bella meant she was looking for his drugs.

What have I done to my sweet angel.

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**Thank you all who reviewd im glad you liked the last chapter now i hope you like this one**

**Review**

**oh yea bella won't be so forgiving in this story just a heads up**

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	11. THE CULLEN'S 2

**The cullens 2**

**Bpv:**

* * *

I knew that Edward had figured out my secret; Yes I was into drugs it's not like I'm the first person anyways. I started doing them after Charlie passed away so!I noticed Edward stiffen when Lauren answer my question no doubt he read what I meant. mmm I wonder, I walked up to Lauren and kissed her in the mouth I made out a little bit with her it's not the first time we had kissed.

"mmm yummy" I said to her

"I'm glad you think so" she said Jess got behind me and smacked my ass. She leaned in to whisper but it didn't matter I knew the Cullen's could hear.

"Are we gonna have fun tonight Bella?" she asked with lust in her voice

"Maybe we'll see" I said in a whisper

"Holy shit that's fucken hot" I heard Emmet say follow by a 'whack' no doubt Rose smacked him

"Damn who would of thought Bella would be kinky" said Alice with a giggle

"Bella what happened to you?" asked Rose

"You know it's really none of your business" I said turning to her with an attitude she took a step close to me I guess she was expecting for me to move but I shocked her when I took a step closer to her.

"Wow you really aren't afraid of me are you" said Rose with a smirk

"I stopped being afraid along time ago" I said back with no emotions

"Babe just leave her alone" said Emmet pulling her back

"Why?" she asked raising a perfect manicure eyebrow at me

"You know Rose I really don't fall for that intimidating crap and I don't owe you any explanations" I said putting a hand on my hip

"Bella just ignore them an go get the guys so we can go home and have our fun" said Jessica

"You damn hoes really know how to ruin my fun" I said turning around pouting my lip Lauren giggled

"oh come on you had enough excitement for one day haven't you? he fought for you , you fought for him see same shit as always a guy hits on you he tries to get touchy-touchy on you Devin gets pissed beats the guy up then a girl hits on him you get pissed cuz she flirted with him you go at it like a bunch of wildcats" said Lauren I saw the Cullen's were just staring at me they were perfectly align almost making their circle each with their partner it hurt me seeing Edward with someone else

"ok enough of the chit chat we got to go". I said before they gave out more info

"Fine hurry up well wait inside the truck"Said Lauren walking away I saw them walk towards the truck and get in.

I turned around and started walking towards the club. It's always like this that's true a guy get touchy with me Devin beats them up a girl gets flirty with him I beat her up, we end up fighting for fighting but we have make up sex and oh is it good. I chuckled shaking my head just thinking about our idiotic way of being possessive of each other I had forgotten the Cullen's where following me until Alice had to talk.

"What so funny Bella?" she asked why did it matter can't they just leave me alone

"Nothing" I said I reached the entrance and made my way towards the bar I knew I would find those idiots I saw them they were about to take shots I walked up to them and true Rosalie style I smacked them in the back of the head making them drop their drinks they knew it was me.

"Fucks bells what the fuck" yelled Tyler Turning around his eyes almost popped out when he saw the Cullen's I knew they were standing behind me miketurned around he was well wasted

"Hey bells the people in the back look like the Cullen's" he slurred out

"No, you are just seeing things mike" I giggled out I like fucking with him when he's high or drunk

"Where's lover boy my sweet belle" said mike holding my hand and giving it a kiss, where was Devin at I lost him after the fight

Belly what happen to your lip" asked Tyler

"Um I got into a fight" I said in a low voice

"Damn hells bells came out to play and I missed it fuck but who was the chick who flirted with your man this time" slurred mike out

"Shut it mike" I said getting mad he just laughed

"So where is he at?" mike asked again

"I don't know but I have an idea and if he knows what's good for him he better not be there" I said mad I knew he was helping her out he always did that. Each time I get in a fight instead of coming to check on me he checks on the other girl he keeps saying 'baby you where taught by guys 'Yea whatever asshole'.

"ok guys go to the truck ima go get lover boy" I said to them

"one more drink then well go" said Tyler

"Bella do you need help with them" asked Jasper

"No it's fine" I said in a clip tone

"Hey guys Lauren and Jess started getting naughty with each other in the truck" I said lowly to them yup just like that they got up and almost ran to the truck horny bastards ha-ha

"Are you guys always like this Bella" asked Alice

"Yea nothing new with us" I said looking around for Devin

"How do you guys get liquor" asked Emmet, I didn't answer like hell I would tell them.

"Bella he's helping the other girl out" said Edward in his velvety voice, god how I had missed his sweet voice his arms how I wished he would take me in his arms again but that could never be he moved on I haven't totally moved on but I'm trying I have Devin and I know I can never leave him; even when his an idiot hugging his damn ex!

"I know he always does that what a gentlemen" I said sarcastically I walked where I had spotted them they were talking sitting in a corner too close for my liking, I reached them Devin just looked up opened his mouth but nothing came out.

"I love you too babe" I said to him he looked confused but I was here on a mission and that was getting high.

"Devin give me your jacket I'm cold please" I said pleading with my eyes

"Sure baby here, I'm just talking something's out with her" he said handing me his jacket

'sucker' my evil side thought.

'don't be a bitch' said my other side

"Ok I'll see you at home" I said walking away from him it hurt to see him there consoling his damn ex instead of checking how I was doing call me selfish but I was in the brink here.

"Bella wait!" he yelled I turned around to see him get up and walk up to me He grabbed my face in his hands and kissed me, I thought I heard a growl- I pulled away from him he knew by this action I was mad at him.

"baby don't please" he whispered in my ear.

"go to her she needs you" I said coldly I pushed away from him and started walking away, I didn't bother telling him we were leaving he would find out eventually. I kept walking back to the truck I had forgotten about the Cullen's I felt numb I really thought they went to enjoy themselves inside but I guess I was wrong when I heard her ask.

"why are we following her like her damn puppies" she asked annoyed

"I really have no clue" I answer her without turning or stopping to look at them I reached the truck I took a peek inside and I saw all of them sleeping.

"ugh! I guess I'm driving fuck!" I yelled pissed I wanted to ride in the back while I got high.

"Bella can we see you tomorrow so we can talk?" asked Alice

"I don't think it's a good idea" I said turning to look at them

"Esme and Carlisle would be happy to see you" she offered

"You know I think you should leave it alone pretend you never saw me cuz that's what I'll do" I said turning around to try and get in the truck

"Bella we still think of you as a sister" said Emmet that stopped me in my tracks.

How dare he say that you don't leave a family member behind without a damn good-bye,You don't discard of them like a piss of shit!

"Yea well I don't, I moved on I think you should too just pretend I never existed" I said in a cold voice with no emotions he knew I was repeating his own word 'it will be as if I never existed' he said when he left me in the woods

"Bella I'm sorry" I heard Edward whisper so low I thought I imagined it.

"Don't be" I said still with no emotions I was in the brink of exploding again I needed my relief and I needed it soon, without turning to say bye I hopped in the truck I didn't bother to look at them again I just started the truck and made my way to Lauren's house.

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**ok you guys hope you liked it,**

**ok here's a deal for you guys i'll be attending a party this weekend starting tomorrow i wont be back on until **

**sunday or monday**

**the next chappy is done already all i have to do is post it up BUT heres the bribe =-)**

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**Morning before i leave**


	12. BAD NEWS

**I'TS A SMALL CHAPPY SORRY **

**BAD NEWS**

**EPV:**

* * *

I saw her pull away in the truck i just stood there.

My heart broke hearing her repeat those words to me I knew I had made the mistake of leaving her. she seemed happy with him even if I don't approve of their actions being addicted to drugs is bad any moment she can loose her life to an over dose. I won't get in her way she moved on how I had planned for her to do so even if it kills me to see her with another guy all that matters to me is her happiness but I will have a talk with him about her use of drugs that has to stop she was supposed to be applying to colleges find a career not ruin her life like this.

'Edward let's go' Alice thought to me

We made our way to Emmet's arrived home Carlisle was on call at the hospital Esme was on the computer looking for stuff for her next decoration project.

"Hey mom! Guess who we saw" yelled Emmet flopping to the couch

"who dear?" asked Esme coming to sit next to him

"We saw Bella" I said in a low voice I was seating at my piano bench I haven't touched it since I left her she gasped.

"oh my ... Did she say hi to you guys did she even see you guys?" she bombard us with question looking at all of us

'Edward did she see you with Tanya' she asked me in her thoughts I just nodded my head

"yes Esme she saw us but she's not the same Bella we knew" said Alice with a sad tone

"Fucks no!" yelled Emmet

"Emmet language" Esme chided

"Sorry mom but you should see her she's hardcore some guys where fighting for her then she got in a fight she turned Rambo on the girl she knocked the other girl unconscious it was awesome" said Emmet excited Esme gasp turned to see me I only nodded my head

"She's not the same" I said my voice sounded dead even to me

"She's tough she had the balls to stand to up to me" said Rose with admiration

"She looked like a slut" said Tanya in a bored voice, my eyes snapped to her before I could have said anything to defend her Rose had her by the throat

"Speak about her like that and I will destroy you -believe me I would be doing My brother a fucken favor" Rose growled at looked like a deer caught in headlights

"Rosie let her go" said Emmet going to stand next to his wife

"No, let her someone needs to teach her a lesson only cuz Edward is being a gentlemen by being with you doesn't mean you mean something to him and this family" yelled a very pissed of little pixie I went to stand next to her she was the other one who understood my pain, not as bad but it still hurt her more than Emmet, Rose and Jasper she had left not just a sister but her Best friend.

"Alice, Rose please stop" I said in a calm voice deep inside I was mad.

"Fine! but know this, talk about her like that and I will help Rose rip you apart and turn you to ashes" said Alice walking away to sit next to Jasper

"Eddie you are going to let them talk to me like that" said Tanya with a pouty lip she thought it was cute trust me it wasn't.

"Tanya you provoked them you know this perfectly well that no one is able to talk about Bella specially that way besides If they didn't do it I would have" I said in a clip tone.

"You still love the human!" she screeched out

"You know perfectly well how I feel don't stand there and make it seem I have offended you" I raised my voice a little I have to be a gentlemen

"She has flaws how can you love her" she yelled

"I love her and her flaws that is what makes her unique" I was fighting on being a gentlemen

"she has a boyfriend she loves him did you forget it" she said with a smirk in her face how I wish I could slap it off but no i have to be a gentlemen my parents raised me to be

"I know she has a boyfriend I have a girlfriend too but just like she and I they can break-up; me and YOU can break-up" I said getting frustrated with her

"you wouldn't Eddie" she said hurt I don't care anymore I want my Bella and I will have her back.

"don't push me Tanya cuz I will and I haven't I told you don't call me Eddie" I said

frustrated with her.

'Damn way to go Eddie boy' thought Emmet

'Finally Edward what took you so long' thought Alice

'Bro she is seething careful with her' thought Jasper

'Edward you know I wouldn't approve of this kind of behavior but finally son' thought Esme that one shocked me

'I'm still beating the crap out of her just so you know' thought Rose why I'm I not surprised she is the same as Emmet looking for an excuse to fight.

"Now I'll be in my room don't bug me" I said to her I didn't give her the time to answer

I turned around I was about to go upstairs when my cell phone rang

"Edward" my father said

"Yea dad" I said

"Where are you at" he asked with a worried tone

"I'm at the house" I said getting worried with his tone

"Is the family there" he asked

"Carlisle what's wrong" I finally asked I heard him blow some air out

"It's Bella" was all I registered from him.

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	13. LOVE CAN BE PAINFUL

**LOVE CAN BE PAINFUL**

**BPV:**

* * *

I parked the truck in the garage I woke the gang up so they could go in.

I made my way to the room we had chosen for me and Devin I looked around the room I saw the mess we had left I started cleaning I was in zombie mode seeing them all over hurt but seeing him with someone else was a slap in the face I knew he had heard when I told Jake I was in love with Devin and yes it's true I love Devin but I love Edward much more the feelings I have for Edward don't compare to the feelings I feel for Devin. He would never know how much I love him.

I bursted out crying knowing how much I had made a fool of myself, I had thought If I change to be a stronger person that it wouldn't hurt when I would run into him.

I didn't think he would find his distractions to be a beautiful vampire or did he turn her him self now whichever it was now he has a perfect girlfriend yes she might be one of them but her beauty rivals Rosalie I'm not half way as beautiful as them I'm just human.

I was putting Devin's clothes away sobbing when I saw a small bag I looked through it, What I saw there shocked me I knew what it was. Devin and I had a lot of talks about this I wanted to do it.

'what if I try it without him I don't think he'll mind he did bring it for me' I thought.

My phone started ringing it made me jump the Ring tone 'Sex on fire' by Kings of Leon kept playing I knew who it was it was Devin he probably already figured out I left him at the club.

'that's what he gets for staying with his ex' I thought bitterly.

I got the bag and made my way to the bathroom I think It doesn't take a genius to do this I closed the door I locked it just to make sure no one would bother me I grabbed the contents in the bag took them all out. I started preparing how Devin had told me to do it; I did it without a problem. This was new to me I didn't know how my body would react so I did just a little I didn't feel any different so I took a second hit I was getting anxious of not feeling anything the memories of Edward and me at our meadow kept playing in my head I took the third hit but I made it big I couldn't wait for the affect I ran out of the bathroom not bothering cleaning the evidence of what I had done. I went to grab Devin's jacket; there I found the bag I was looking for earlier, I took out the cocaine I took out the straw and started sniffing not checking how much I was doing I felt it right away the dizziness I welcomed it the relief felt good but I started to have a pain in my chest.

"Fuck!" I yelled I thought it would make the pain go away I started to cry for having him so fucken deep in my heart.

Why did he have to be so deep in my heart? Why couldn't I just be normal and move on like I have seen so many girls move on they fall in and out of love in a flash but somehow I can't!

I was enraged I picked my ass off the floor and started smashing mirrors I heard a scream somewhere I round me I stopped to find where the scream came from but as soon as I stopped the scream did too I figured it was me screaming

I cried for Charlie, I cried for René I miss my mom.

I knew deep in my gut what really happened to them Charlie's death was no accident Rene and Phil didn't go missing just out of the blue I knew what happened.

I dropped to my knees defeated crying I was alone in this world, I lay my face against the wooden floor I like feeling the cold of the floor some how the familiar of the coldness was soothing to me.

I knew why.

I just laid there in a fetal position.

"Bella!" I heard a voice yell I couldn't make out who was in front of me the voice was a far away echo.

"Bella what did you do baby" I heard the voice say

"Bella…why...taking...you..." I couldn't make out the phrase of what he was saying or was it a she.

'oooh look at the pretty colors' I thought I felt myself being moved.

"It will be as if I never existed" I kept hearing his voice ringing in my head

"But you do exist in my damn heart" I said back

"You are my world now Bella" his voice said

"If I was why did you leave me" I cried out

"I'll protect you no matter what" his voice said

"But you didn't protect me I have no one I'm all alone" I said my voice loosing strength

"I love you" his voice said fading away

"I love you Edward" I said softly

I felt my tears falling down my cheek the pain in my chest came back double then

everything went black.

* * *

**who can guess what she took many of u guys guessed the O.D but can u guess of what**

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**=-)**


	14. THE HOSPITAL

**THE HOSPITAL**

**BPV: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT =(**

* * *

I knew what had happened Carlisle was on call on the hospital, for him to call me and say it's Bella I knew it in the pit of my stomach in that moment I just hoped I wasn't too whole family turned to me when they heard me take a sharp breath

"what I'm on my way" I walked to grab the keys to my Volvo and I was about to walk to the garage when everybody stopped me to ask questions

"what happened Edward" asked Alice in a quiet voice

"Bella is at the hospital Carlisle will explain when we get there we need to go now" I said everything rushed trying to get to her to my angel to my Bella.

We all took our own cars and took the drive there I didn't bother on waiting for no one I stepped on the gas to get there as fast as I could I reached the hospital first. I practically ran in, almost running into someone I looked for Carlisle through his thoughts I found him he was in a room full of nurses helping Bella out I felt my whole family behind me they had catch up to me we walked in the room what I saw there stopped my breath; my angel my sweet Bella was being cleaned up she had a seizure she was put side ways they pushed us out to the waiting room, bad mistake I saw him there I was seeing red I was the bull he was my target.

I pushed him "You fucken asshole what did you give her!" I asked enraged I didn't care that people were staring

"Nothing I didn't give her nothing" he said getting up I noticed he had his eyes red he had been crying but I didn't care I didn't care about being the gentlemen I was raised to be that went out the window when I saw her laying pale close to the border of death.

"Bullshit that girl in there doesn't look like she wasn't given anything" I yelled pointing towards her room I could feel Emmet and Jasper restraining me I could hear the girls dry sobbing.

"Damn bro I didn't know you could cuss like that" thought Emmet

"bro calm down we are all mad about her being here for this reasons" thought Jasper

"I didn't give her anything I arrived home she was already drugged!" he yelled at me we were standing toe to toe

"who's were they anyways don't stand there give me shit about you didn't the minute you walked in that house you might as well handed that shit to her" I yelled

"what the fuck do you know about me walking in our house with that its not my fault she grabbed it" he yelled that froze me for a second 'Our house'

"Emmet jasper move him now!" yelled Alice

They pulled me back I was about to strangle him to death Jasper kept sending me wave after wave of calmness but it didn't seem to work

"You son of a bitch you cant take shit like that to your house and expect to be clean of blame" I kept pulling against them I could feel Emmet using all his strength to hold me back

"I don't know who the fuck you are but you better not fuck around with me" he yelled

I gave him an evil laugh "You shouldn't talk if I were you trust me when I say I will kill you the moment she say she doesn't want you in her life but know this ANYTHING happens to her I will hunt you down and kill you like a fucken dog" I said in a deadly voice to him

"Edward son calm down please" I hear Carlisle thoughts before I see him

"how is she Carlisle?" asked Esme before any of us could

"Is she going to be ok dad" asked Rose and Alice at the same time

'I'll help you kill him bro' thought Emmet I noticed his stance he was ready to attack I turned to see Jasper he was the same but it was eerie Jasper is usually the calm one from the family but to see him like this right now he looked more intimidating than Emmet and me put together.

'Just say the word bro and no one would notice' thought Jasper

I just nodded my head once to let them know that I heard them

"How is she Dad?" I asked

"I would like it very much if you two keep it down this is a Hospital after all, as for Bella she is getting her stomach pump but Devin we have to know for the record what she took" said Carlisle to him.

I turned to see my family they all had murdering glare towards him I was seething I was ready to murder him.

Then it looked like everything stopped; our breathing the hand on the clock stopped spinning the people around froze on their spot I knew that beating heart anywhere I could pin point it to where it came from then.

' code blue room three

' code blue room three'

Carlisle took off at full speed I knew who was in that room the only thing I was able to whisper was Bella.

I ran towards that room my family behind me even that asshole was behind running we stopped and saw what was the most scary sight I would have seen they were nurses all over the place it looked out of a movie

"Everyone clear" Carlisle screamed he had the pads ready to try to revive her she was exposed she was just on her bra

nothing

"again clear"

nothing

" clear"

nothing

"should we call it doctor?" asked a nurse

" not yet one more try...clear"

nothing

I heard my whole family dry sobbing.

Everything me and her did together flashed in front of my eyes prom night when I took her kept playing in my head

'I'm dying everyday' now if i were to have the chance i would change her in a heartbeat.

**"Time of death"** said Carlisle that snapped me out of my trance.

* * *

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	15. A BEATING HEART

**A BEATING HEART**

**EPV: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT =(**

* * *

"Time of death!" I yelled a sob wanted to break out of my chest.

"I'm sorry everyone" said Carlisle in a sad tone

"No try it again Carlisle just one more time but please don't give up" cried Alice

"Come on dad one more try" said a broken Emmet we all started begin

"please dad just one more try but please don't give up" all my family pleaded

"Do it carlisle or I will do it my self" I said in a determine voice

"Ok one more try if nothing then I'm sorry, nurse Ruth pass me the pads on 3 clear ready" said Carlisle

"1-2-3" said nurse Ruth

"clear" yelled Carlisle

Nothing

We all just stood there holding our breath waiting come on Bella

"One more try clear" yelled Carlisle we heard it **Thump Thump Thump** the sweet sound of her heart beat.

We all let sigh of relief they all started moving cleaning her up

"can someone please cover her" said that assholeI turned around to glare at him did he really think we would disrespect her at a time like this

'Edward don't ' thought Alice

'who would want to stare at her' thought Tanya I looked at her and growled, her eyes almost popped out of her sockets I turned to look at my sweet Bella I notice she had a lot of cables connected to her

"ok everyone out she is stable for now, the nurses need to change her in a hospital gown" said Carlisle pushing us out the door

"when will she wake up" I asked low and fast walking to the waiting room.

"I believe in 2 hours" he said he had a hint of worry in his tone I tried looking at his thoughts but he was blocking me

"Carlisle what's wrong?" asked jasper he can block me out but not Jasper

"um just she might have another relapse if she does drugs again she has to be careful" he said

"Do you know what she took" I asked worried of her doing it again

"Yes she had cocaine mixed with heroin in her blood system" he said looking around the family we all just stood there shocked my angel was doing heroine that is the worst drug addiction there is.

"Hello" we heard that ass answer his phone

"Devin can you come over" we heard a girl say was this asshole cheating on her

"I'm at the hospital right now" he said in a whisper HA! we can hear both sides he can whisper all he wants

"why? are you ok" she asked,

"yea I'm fine I'll explain later" he said in a whisper I saw my family just looking at him

"You think you can get away for a bit please" she kept asking is he really going to her seeing Bella is here in a bad condition

"yea... Um I'll let you go ok see you in a bit" he whispered apparently he can just leave knowing she is here at the hospital, I am going to win my sweet angel back no matter what he doesn't deserve her

He turned to us, me and the family just pretended we had been talking

'do you really think he is going to go' thought Alice to me I just nodded my head

"I'm going home to get some rest I'll be back in a bit" he announced

"Hey I can ask my dad to fix you a bed here so you don't have to leave" said Rose to him

"Nah it's kool I'm going to go get the gang so they can come too" he replied fast

"ok go well let Bella know" said Alice he just nodded and walked away

"why are you letting that piece of shit go that easy" said a very pissed of Emmet

"it gives us time so we can talk to Bella alone" she said it like it was the obvious she turned to walk to Bella's room we just followed her we stayed there waiting for her to wake up.

"Devin turn the damn alarm off" she grunted out

I sighed hearing her call him out in her sleep I guess they share a bed together but not for long I am going to fight for her I'm breaking things off with Tanya as soon as I get the chance. I will get my bella back.

"Bella" said Carlisle I saw her eyes flutter.

* * *

**ooh Edward is going to fight for her but wil he be too late there will be a twist**

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	16. BETRAYED

**BETRAYED**

**Bpv:**

* * *

Life can be hurtful, depressing, but death; death is peaceful its wonderful and easy, so why cant I just be left here.

I feel at peace something I haven't felt in a long while It's a feeling I miss, everything is white here but like any good thing this one has to end soon the beeping noise I hear keeps on getting louder….

"Bella you have to go back" I heard my mom I turned around to try and find her

"Bella listen to your mother" I heard my dad

"Mom, Dad I miss you" I said

"you need to go back its not time for you" my mom said everything was white I couldn't see anything but white I could hear them but not see them

"I want to stay with you" I pleaded

before I felt my self being woken up by a annoying beeping noise.

Beep….beep…..beep

"Damn it Devin turn the alarm off" I grunted out I tried to bury my face in the pillow my head was hurting my stomach was hurting like I did 100 sit ups I could feel something in my arm

"Bella" I know that voice, I opened one eye to peek and confirm my suspicions

"Bella how do you feel" asked Carlisle

"What I'm I doing here?" I asked I took in my surrounding and noticed all the Cullen family at the edge of my bed he was here with her I just glared at all of them.

"Bella you seem to have over dose on something would you like to tell me what it was?" he asked everyone was looking at me like expecting for me to say what I took HA! not going to happen

"Shit where's Devin" I asked I noticed all of them go stiff

"Are you guys going to answer or I'm I going to have to get up and look for him?" I asked irritated

"He went to his place to rest" answer Alice

"What are you all doing here" I asked

"We came to visit you little sis" answered Emmet like it was the obvious reason, sister my ass

"I'm not your sister" I said in a cold voice

"Bella please I'm"

"Don't even say sorry Edward cuz you have nothing to be sorry about now why don't you all leave I want to rest" I said in a cold tone I dismissed them and I turned to my side

"We are going to talk whether you like it or not" yelled Rose turning me around 'oh hell no'

"Don't fucken touch me" I yelled at her getting on my feet we were face to face

"Why? what you going to do about it" she yelled

"Don't test me Rose I'm not that stupid girl you all left behind" I yelled I noticed Emmet stand next to her all of the Cullen's where actually behind her, go's to show how alone I am in this damn world.

"No I can see you have become more stupid" she yelled

"Push me bitch and you will see what I'm capable of doing" I told her getting closer to her

"Yes I have seen what you are capable of doing drive your self to the brink of death you turned into a junkie" she growled

"I rather be a junkie than to be a bitter harpy like you" I said back with such venom

"Girls stop, Bella needs to rest" said Esme coming to stand in the middle

"Damn it Bella we are trying to talk to you but you keep acting like a spoil brat" yelled Edward he push Rose behind him so he stood to face me

"I have nothing to talk about with you guys" I said back

"Yes we do" he said

"You know you said 'it will be as if I never existed' then answer me why the fuck do you keep being in my damn face" I yelled

"BECAUSE WE ARE TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING" he screamed damn he looks hot.

"I don't have to listen to you" I yelled I felt like hitting something so bad I knew I couldn't hit him it would only hurt my hand

"Just sit shut up and listen quit your damn bitching" he said I was shocked he cursed

"I will never quit my bitching now get the fuck out I want to be the fuck alone I don't want none of you to visit me" I said in a quiet deadly voice they stood there shocked I kicked them out Edward backed off all of them did

"Bella" Alice said in a quivering tone

"None" I said

I saw Edward's mate come closer

"You know they are trying to help but keep acting like a little bitch about it I still don't get why they trying to help you for, you are pathetic human" she said they all turned to look at her

"A junkie and a slut" I heard her say low but I don't think she knew it wasn't low enough for the human not to hear, I saw red I can be called a bitch but not a slut I don't go sleeping around I grabbed the first thing I saw next to my bed they started to walk out

"HEY BITCH" I yelled they all turned around I didn't give her time to react I threw the plant at her hitting her in the forehead the vase broke into a million pieces the dirt splatter all over her.

"I might be a junkie but never a fucken slut like you" I sneered at her before I knew it, Alice was in front of me Edward was holding me from my waist

Jasper and Emmet where holding Tanya back Rose was a laughing mess Carlisle and Esme just stood there shocked

"Wait until I get my hands on you I'm going to make you regret this you damn bitch" she yelled trying to get away from the guys

"Come and get me then slut I'm right here what you waiting for!" I yelled trying to get away from Edward but his hold was tight around me

"What is going on" said Devin standing at the door with the gang

"Oh my god did you do that to her Hells Bells" asked a snickering Lauren

I turned to see Tanya she was wearing a white dress it was flowy it was like Marylyn Monroe type she had dirt on her hair smudges on her face and dress, the flower had landed between her breast I couldn't help it but I joined Rose on the laughing fit they all just turned to me like I was crazy, shit I might be but who cares.

I heard someone clear their throat I turned to see Devin glaring daggers to Edward I saw what he was looking at I noticed then that Edward was still holding me around my waist I had my hands resting on his chest we were in the same position we used to be before he would lean down to kiss me I noticed Edward wasn't letting go he was just glaring right back to Devin. I tried pulling away but he wouldn't let go he looked down to me we made eye contact and for a second there everything went black it was just him and me standing my heart started pounding in my chest it was beating fast like a humming bird, how is it possible he still gets to do this to me I should hate him I try but I can't not even Devin gets my heart racing like him.

"Bella" I heard Devin say breaking me and Edward out of our trance Edward let go and moved away from me

"Hey soo how you doing?" I asked getting in front of him; I knew where this would go

"Seriously how I'm I doing you have got to be kidding me! You should be telling me how you are doing and feeling but from what I saw you did to that lady I'm guessing you are doing better" he said wow he was in a mood to talk

"she got on my damn nerves" I said I noticed my room was crowded the guys were still holding her back Edward was next to her trying to calm her down Alice looked sad Rose had a smile on her face.

"Bells what were you thinking" he chided me

"Don't give me crap first where the hell where you!" I asked pissed at him

"Oh here it goes she fight he fights they fight" said Lauren and jess together

"Shut up" we both yelled

"You decided to leave me at the club I had to get a ride" he said pissed

"You decided to stay with your ex, who in their right mind decides to stay with their ex" I said

"We were just talking" I didn't let him finish talking

"Bullshit and you know it don't give me crap for a lie you know perfectly well I will know the truth so spill"

"We didn't do anything wrong god!" he yelled

"Sorry dude I ain't god and he ain't going to help you either so you better tell me now" I said

"I just got dropped off at home that's when I found you" he said frustrated

"Why check on me, go check on your ex" I yelled I saw something flash across his eyes

"Why you got to be such a bitch" he yelled at me I heard a couple of growls.

"Why do you have to be such a dickhead" I yelled back

"Do you know if she made it home ok" I asked there it was he had been where she was staying he didn't say anything

"I didn't fuck her if that's what you getting at" he yelled

"Where is she staying Devin answer me" I said getting pissed he didn't answer me I only heard someone take a sharp breath in.

I knew it I just fucken knew it

"You fucken son of a bitch" I yelled I brought my hand back and punched him square in the jaw

"Fuck Bella we didn't do anything" he mumbled out

"No that's for taking her to the hotel and going inside!" I yelled at him

"Baby" he started to say

"Get out now cuz I swear I will throw something at you!" I said my head started to hurt more I don't even know if this is normal I just want to go back to my dream world

"Bella please will you listen to me" he pleaded

"I don't forgive and forget like so many idiots do, you should know that better than anyone" I said in a cold tone

"Wow next is the make-up session" said Lauren

"Sorry to rain on your parade but not this time" I said looking in Devin's eyes I saw the hurt and sadness in them I got in the bed turned to my side I didn't want to see no one I wanted to be alone I wouldn't show my weakness to them I planned to go in zombie mode.

"Bella is your head hurting?" I heard Carlisle ask I need something to sleep so I answered him

"Yes" was all I said

"Here drink these they will make you sleepy but they will help with the pain" he said handing me some pills

"Thank you" I said drinking them

"Get some rest bells we are going home to finish cleaning" said Jess coming to caress my hair

"You and Lauren are the best" I slurred out

"You just say that cuz your drugged" Lauren giggled out

"Nope I'm not you guys are my best friends" I slurred out they just giggled

"Go to sleep pretty lady" said Lauren in a whisper

"If any one comes to bug me tell them I might look like a Tinker Chihuahua but my bite is as fierce as a pit-bull" I slurred out everything was going dark on me I heard a couple of chuckles

"she's a fireball isn't she" Esme said that was the last I heard.

* * *

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	17. EDDIE MANS UP

**The moment you have all been asking for is here i just hope you like it =)**

**EDDIE MANS UP**

**EPV:**

* * *

I have been hearing her bitching since the hospital I have been trying to block her out but I don't think no one can block her out with the screeching voice she has, we had just arrived at the house and she is still bitching.

"Edward are you even listening to me look what she did I just bought this dress" she kept bitching on the fact that Bella threw a plant at her and destroying her new dress it her fault for insulting her.

"Can you please shut the fuck up already!" I yelled at her god being with her is a punishment I gave to my self

"how can you talk to me like that" she yelled

"I have tried ignoring you hoping you would notice it give up and walk out" I yelled all of my family members bursted in the living room where me and Tanya were arguing

"Are you expecting for me to walk out on you!" she asked in disbelieve

"No I'm actually praying you do" I yelled back

"Is this about the human you want to dump me cuz of her!" she screeched out stomping her feet

"I wanted nothing to do with you in the first place" I yelled i had enough of her.

"Finally he decides to man up" yelled a small annoying pixie I looked at her in a disapproval

"Then why did you sleep with me" she yelled

"Technically I didn't sleep with you since we can't sleep but if you can remember you took advantage of my state" I yelled god I wanted to rip her into pieces

"oh this is getting good" said Emmet follow by a whack

"I didn't take advantage of you; you grabbed me kissed me you took my clothes off and begged me to let you make me yours!" she screeched

"Cuz I thought you were MY BELLA any one with our kind of eye sight would have captured right away that I wasn't sane at the moment since you were blind the clue to you was when I called you by her name" I screamed everyone looked shocked i had said that. Esme came to stand next to me I felt Jasper put a hand behind me to help me calm down

"oh fuck" said Emmet

"how pathetic can she get" said Rose

"ha-ha apparently she can be really pathetic" laughed Alice.

"you are a Fucken asshole" she launched at me I was able to read her mind so I kept missing her hits

"Test me Tanya and I won't care you are a woman and I will hit you" I said in between moves I kept trying to avoid her I did a turn when I saw a small flash before I could see what it was I heard the collision it sounded like two boulders colliding I saw on the floor Alice punching Tanya multiple times.

"I hate you the only reason I never did anything to you was cuz of my stupid brother but since he can't hit you that doesn't mean I can't" yelled Alice

"Get this bitch off of me" yelled Tanya Jasper went to pull her off but she moved

"Alice darling let her go" said Jasper trying to separate them Alice had her by an arm behind Tanya twisting it so Tanya couldn't move and she had her by the hair

"Alice just let her go" I said not really caring if she didn't, she looked at me raised an eyebrow I just smirked and shrugged my shoulders to her.

Can you blame me for trying to get rid of her anyway I can.

"If Alice let's go I will do more than just a couple of punches" said Rose in a menacing voice going closer to Tanya

"Girls please just let her go" pleaded Esme

"Everyone calm down already Alice let her go, listen Tanya we'll make you a deal you want to hear it" said Emmet he better not do anything stupid

"What?" she asked annoyed

"We will let you go but in return you will leave Eddie boy here alone" said Emmet which sounded like a good offer but I wasn't giving her a choice I want her gone.

"Look Tanya I don't want to be with you ok so as far as I know what ever we had it's over I'm sorry" I said tired of fighting

"But I love you why can't you understand that" she grunted out like a petulant child

"yes you love me but I don't love you why can't you seem to understand that" I said exasperated with the fact she couldn't seem to understand it god how hard is it!

"You love me, you are just blinded by the stupid slut of a human, aaahhhh let me go" screamed Tanya we heard a screeching noise we saw Alice pull something out and throw it to the floor it was a finger of Tanya.

"Bitch keep insulting her and I will rip you piece by piece I did promise you that didn't I" said a very intimidating pixie never bet against Alice

"Damn you got the pixie mad never get that little pixie mad haven't you learn fuck it's never good!" yelled Emmet a little afraid running his hands through his hair

"Alice darling let her go I believe she learned her lesson she is afraid of you baby" said a worried Jasper he has to deal with her after this, poor guy

"Alice sweetie please let her go" Esme pleaded again

"Take all of her fingers off Alice" yelled Rose

"ROSE" we all yelled together looking at her she just shrugged her shoulders at us mouthing 'what', Rose can be intimidating but Alice

Oh Alice has nothing on her the way she has energy to run around like the energizer bunny she has double the energy in anger in her.

"Alice just drop her let her go please" I said pleading with her

"Not until she says she will leave this family" yelled a very pissed of pixie

"she will leave us alone right Tanya?" I said hoping she would agree

"Ye-yea" she stuttered out

"Ugh fine! " she grabbed Tanya and pushed her away Tanya ran to my arms I pushed her away

"Only cuz I asked my sister to let you go doesn't mean I want to be with you" I told her

"Eddie-" she started but I cut her off

"Don't call me Eddie! Now grab your things and go back to Denali we are over it was a mistake to keep going thinking it might work out between us" I said I giving her a stern look making sure she would see I was serious.

"You really plan on leaving me for her" she said with a quivering chin

"I don't want you, she is the only one I will ever want" I said not caring if I hurt her feelings

I saw her run out through the kitchen door

'god I hope she really left already' thought Emmet

'She better not come back cuz I will rip more than just a finger next time' thought Alice

Emmet is right never get the pixie mad its scary when she is.

I looked at my family I gave them a small smile and a nod letting them know I was ok.

I turned around and went up to my room to think, I went to lay down on my couch I got the small control for my stereo and put some music on it was playing swan lake. I started to think

Tomorrow I would go visit Bella I will explain my reasons for leaving if I have to beg I will beg I'll do whatever I have to just to work things out with her, I will get her back she will be

MY BELLA again.

* * *

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	18. WHERE ARE YOU NOW?

**LISTEN TO**

**'WHERE ARE YOU NOW'**

**BY**

** BRITNEY SPEARS **

**I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT I WISH I DID**

**BPV:**

**

* * *

**

**'Calling out your name**

**Your face is everywhere**

**I'm reaching out to you**

**To find that you're not there'**

When there is nothing left to say what do you do? My heart is broken feels like I'm drowning I'm screaming for air and it seems like nobody cares. I have been thinking of Edward a lot today- is it bad to think of him when I'm in a relationship with someone else? I miss him more than anything seeing him again made the pain two times worst. I hate feeling like this the pain is to great it was hard to believe that he was so close but too far away he was out of my reach even if I had him in front of me.

**'I wake up every night to see the state I'm in**

**It's like an endless fight**

**I never seem to win'**

I woke up screaming last night I haven't had a dream like that in a while, I think it had to do with the fact I shared a bed with Devin that I haven't had those nightmares but last night they had to give me a tranquilizer I was in hysterics I wouldn't calm down I'm just glad Carlisle wasn't there to witness it he would have told them about it, he would have told Edward for sure I don't want sympathy, I don't need it and I don't want it.

**'I can't go on**

**As long as I believe**

**Can't let go**

**When I keep wondering-'**

I will always wonder if I was just a pet. A person to pass the time with was I only that?

What happen to all the ' I love you' he used to say to me did he even feel it or did he just say it cuz he thought that was the right thing to say I love him that is something that would never change I know this love will eventually kill me I know it and I can feel it.

**Where are you now?**

**What have you found?**

**Where is your heart?**

**When I'm not around?**

**Where are you now?**

**You got to let me know**

**Oh, baby so I can let you go**

Funny this song asks the same thing I used to ask myself all the time I was always wondering where was he; was he ok did he find his distractions like he said were they easy to find. I always wonder at night did he forget about me, was he thinking of me at night time did he find someone else someone he could give his heart to since I wasn't around anymore I was always with a small hope that he would come back to me he would tell me everything was a lie but now I see what he said that day in the woods it was true seeing him with her it killed me to know he was able to move on. I don't think I will be able to move on and love Devin like he deserves.

**'I can hear your voice**

**The ring of yesterday**

**It seems so close to me**

**But yet so far away'**

Oh god Edward I love him I miss him I wish I could go back to how we used to be when it was just him and me I miss him at night time I look for his arms I can still hear him hum my lullaby; 'Blessed be he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed' Alexander Pope once said how true is that I expected something the disappointment it was huge it has been heart breaking.

**'I should let it out**

**To save what's left of me**

**And close the doors of doubt**

**Revive my dignity**

**But I can't go on**

**As long as I believe**

**Can't let go'**

I got out of the hospital today I didn't bother on letting the Cullen's know I'm leaving today.

Call me a coward but I didn't want to face him I didn't want to feel the pain again of saying good-bye. I knew deep in me I would have cracked I would have asked; why he left me? What did I do wrong for him to leave me? What was it so bad about me that he couldn't love me? Was it because I'm human and fragile, I'm easily breakable. Its true how fragile and breakable I really am he broke me and I don't think he even knows it- it will be best if I keep it to myself I need to close that chapter of my life as much it hurts but I have to try.

**While I keep wondering**

**When I keep wondering**

**Where are you now?**

**What have you found?**

**Where is your heart?**

**When I'm not around?**

**Where are you now?**

**You got to let me know**

**Oh, baby so I can let you go**

**I should let it out**

**It's time to let you go.**

"Are you ok Bella" asked Jess she was sitting next to me we rearranged the sitting just so I wouldn't have to sit next to Devin I would strangle him I just knew it.

"Yea I'm ready I want to get home and just relax" I said slouching down on the seat facing the window I had a black sweater on I had the hood up covering my face I didn't want any of them to see me cry.

"Did you see Edward before you got out of the hospital" she asked in a whisper so nobody could hear

"No I told Carlisle I didn't want to see no one I want to be left alone" I whispered back hoping she couldn't hear I had been crying

"Why didn't you give him a chance it's not like he had a choice of staying when he left" she whispered; if she only knew the truth he left cuz he didn't want me anymore.

"He has a girlfriend I'm not a play toy he can come to whenever he or anyone feels like it" I said back as an excuse but I also meant it for Devin

"So they don't know we are on our way back?" she asked I knew she wanted to ask more then that.

"God I hope they don't find out until it's too late" I said I dropped the conversation there I got my Iphone out I put repeat on the song I was listening to it was a Britney Spears song I don't really like her music or her but when I first heard this song I couldn't get it out of my head some how it hit right at home. I closed my eyes and pretended to go to sleep I felt the tears slipped down my cheek into my neck.

I don't know what would happen if they would go back to Forks I don't think they would look for me would they? Why I'm I in forks in the first place everyone my age has gone off to college there's nothing holding me there but Charlie's tomb and my friends. Rene left a house in Florida I should go down there and stay for a while I need some space I know Devin and Cynthia did more than talk he might not say it I could have asked Edward to invade his thoughts or jasper his feelings but no I rather not involve them.

Edward god how I wish I could hug him kiss him tell him how much I love him in another time I probably would have told him but right now he has found his real mate now there is no chance for me to even try to get him back.

"Bella wake up we are here" I felt Jessica move me I opened my eyes I saw it was dark outside

"what time is it?" I asked my voice was hoarse and thick with sleep

"it's 10pm we didn't stop much Devin and mike took turns" she whispered I had been let out of the hospital at 9:30 we left Lauren's house at 11.

"um ok thanks for inviting me" I said still sleepy

"your welcome the guys took your bags in" she said with a sleepy voice

"I'll call you tomorrow, bye get some rest" I said getting out Lauren and Tyler were sleeping. True to her word my bags were inside on the bottom of the stairs I got in went up to my room I grabbed my toiletries and made my way to the shower.

I had finished showering I decided to go and get my little blue bag it had my cocaine in there I hadn't used any since my stupid ass over dose on heroine. I had my own little bag for times like this when I wanted to forget about any problems or any pain I went to my drawer to retrieve it I cleaned my night stand to prepare it there I took out the powder put some on the table got my blade out and I started cutting it making six lines, I grabbed a 20 dollar bill rolled it got on my knees and started sniffing it greedily. Waiting for the numbness to take affect I went downstairs I didn't bother on cleaning what I just did no one was going to be over that didn't know about this and besides I planned to do more of them.

I went to turn the T.V on I snuggled deep in the recliner Charlie used to sit in I could still smell him it smelled like leather a little fish like the smell of sea.

I was watching Gene Simmons family jewel when I heard a knock on my door I got up to open it there stood somebody I didn't expect to see here at this time.

"What are you doing here" I asked him

"Bella we need to talk" he said

"Talk I don't think so " I said trying to close the door on his face but he pushed it open and made his way to the living room.

'great just what I needed at this time' I followed him with a frown in my face I was not happy, this was going to kill my high.

* * *

**SORRY I HAVE NOT UPDATED BUT THERE IS NO EXCUSE LOL OK FIRST THANX BUNCH TO ALL OF U WHO HAVE LEFT A REVIEW SO FAR YOU ALL HAVE BEEN SO SWEET =)**

**I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS CHAPPY ILL UPDATE TOMORROW MORNING IF I GET MORE THAN 5 REVIEWS **


	19. SHE LEFT

**ok just want to apologize for not posting sooner but someone couldnt understand when i said i didn't wanted her as my beta she kept bugging the shit out of me FUCKEN critisizing my story, i told her don't like it don't read it no one is making you, this is not my career i do this for fun. This might be the internet but she is treating it like a drama center. E****nough said on with the story =P**

**I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT BUT I DO OWN A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT =)**

**EPV:**

* * *

I was laying down in my couch when thoughts of her invaded me, this room is the same replica as my other one in forks I don't own a bed like my brothers do, and they have it for a reason.

If I ever get a bed it will be for me and my Bella to use it,I can just imagine her long soft creamy legs wrapped around me her warmth would be invading my senses, I would lick and suck on her warm supple lips I would let my hands wonder anywhere in her body, I would let them explore for the first time, to feel her. I'd be mesmerized just to see her naked laying under me, the sound she would make I would play with her folds like I play my piano, stick a finger in and-

I was brought out of my fantasy by a not so happy Jasper "EDWARD stop!" thought Jasper he was in his room with Alice,

"bro the lust coming off of you is killing me here I lost count how many times I have attacked your sister" he kept thinking showing me the stuff they had done I shivered at the image.

"Jasper I really don't want to see what you do with that little pixie" I yelled down to his room, I heard Alice giggle

"They have nothing on us bro" yelled a proud Emmet, he started thinking all the stuff he had done with Rose too much in detail for my liking

"EMMET! You guys are worst than Jasper and Alice, I get it now will you please stop" I yelled to him the big goof just laughed

"That is nothing bro" he said and started thinking of more obscene images of them.

"EMMET MCARTY CULLEN IF YOU DON'T STOP I WILL TELL ALICE ABOUT WHAT YOU DID" I yelled frustrated and disgusted for god sakes I see her as a sister I don't care how bendable she is!

"What did he do" yelled Alice coming to stand at my door followed by a very scared Emmet this will be fun.

"I didn't do anything I have no idea what he is talking about, right bro" he said everything rushed. I couldn't help it I laughed at his face he had a face that looked constipated

"you ok Emmet" I asked in between snickers.

'You tell her I will murder you' he threaten me in his thoughts

"oh is that so?" I asked with a raised eyebrow I like messing with him he makes funny faces.

"Don't you fucken dare assward" he said flickering eyes between Alice and me, still with the constipated look. I looked at Alice Made the decision of telling her she zoned out having the vision of what I was going to say. She snapped back, oh she had a murdering look in her face she turned to Emmet she started stalking him like he was her meal, maybe I shouldn't have said anything-well thought anything.

"You are going to wish you had never touched my babies!" she screeched out to him

"oh shit" murmured a very panicked Emmet he turned around and ran out of my room, Alice followed right after him I couldn't stop laughing of the sight Emmet is huge compared to Ali to watch him run away from her is like watching a pit-bull run away from a Chihuahua.

I decided to go to the hospital and check on Bella it was little past ten so I think this should be a good hour she should be up hopefully we could talk things out; I made my way down to our garage I looked around I notice jasper, Rose and Esme where outside in the backyard trying to calm Alice down, I just shook my head and laughed Alice was on the back of Emmet hanging like a monkey pulling on his hair every time he tried to get her off she would bite him in his hand.

'Maybe it was a bad idea to tell Alice' I thought I walked away without letting the family know where I was going, I made my way to my car got it started I took one whiff it smelled like Bella and her strawberry shampoo.

I drove to the hospital, I started thinking what I'm I going to say to her will she understand my reasons for leaving her, will she understand about Tanya.I arrived at the hospital I got out of my Volvo I walked through the hallways hoping she would give us a chance, I made it to her room I knocked I didn't get an answer I opened it again hopefully she didn't get upset.

"Bella" I asked no answer I opened it the whole way; I stood there shocked her bed was made and empty I turned around made it to the nurses station I ignore their disgusting thoughts

"Miss. Bella swan she was in room 3 where is she!" I said frustrated with their thoughts

'who cares mmm the things I would do to you baby' thought one of the nurses I she be more obvious! 'Ahem' I cleared my throat so she would answer

"room three has been empty since this morning" she said in a voice she thought it was seductive, I just rolled my eyes and walked away I scan the thoughts to find Carlisle I found him he was in his office going through papers I opened the door without bothering to knock

"why didn't you call me to tell me she was going to be let out today" I growled at him he didn't looked surprised by these i guess he expected for me to react like this he only looked up and stared into my eyes.

"Edward she begged me not to tell none of you that she was out, she asked me this as a doctor I had no other choice" explain Carlisle, he stood up from his seat behind his desk walked around and came to pat me on my back

"I'm sorry son" he said I looked up at him I looked at his eye, I saw him worried about me afraid I would fall into the depression again but no I had decided last night I would fight for her "Dad I'm going back to forks" I said my voice thick with emotions Carlisle smile at my decision he looked happy for me

"I'll works something's out here and I will meet you over there as soon as I can" he said going back to his desk to finish what he was doing.

"thanx dad" I said with a smile I turned around I was about to open the door when he stopped me.

"will you be taking the family with you?" he asked without looking up at me

"yes" I said and ran all the way to my car I knew Alice already had a vision so I expect the family to be packing right about now,

soon my Bella soon we will be together again.

* * *

**ok i hope you guys like this chappy i wrote it under alot of stress i explained on the begining, **

**hopefully she gets the point leaves me alone so i can hurry up and post for u guys**

**;-)**

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	20. LEMONADE

**I HOPE YOU GUYS ARE OVER AGE IF YOU AREN'T I SUGGEST YOU DONT READ AFTER THE LINE I PUT ON OK ON WITH THE STORY**

**WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS **

**WHAT DO YOU DO**

**YOU MAKE LEMONADE**

**YUMMY**

**BPV:**

* * *

"Baby I swear nothing happened with her" he protested coming to stand in front of me

"why should I believe you" I asked in a clip tone I saw him wince with the harshness of my tone

"I have never fucked up on you before what makes you think I would do it this time and with her" he said like it was stupid if he were to go back to his ex.

"she is your damn ex Devin hello would you be ok if my ex brought me home after I had drank FIVE SHOTS!" I yelled annoyed he couldn't see where I was coming from

"Fucks no!" he yelled mad at the thought of it

"That is my point! Fuck why do you see it wrong if I were to do it but you doing it doesn't seem wrong to your eyes, fuck you are such a guy!" I yelled pacing around the small room

"me being a guy has nothing to do with it" he said calming down.

"Oh trust me it has a lot to do with it but that is not the point!" I yelled getting irritated with him, god I wanted to smack him for being stupid about it.

"look I had other ways to do this so since you don't seem to believe me I guess I have to do it right now" he said in a sad tone I stopped pacing to look at him; before my eyes I saw him get down on one knee he took a black velvet box out of his jacket I just gasped I cover my mouth with both my hands is he really going to ask me this right now?

"Bella you have been there for my good times but mostly for my bad times when we met I was in a dark place you brought light to me you have showed me what love is I know you have trust issues but believe me baby you have nothing to be worried about with me you are my light I need you to see I need you to breath you are my other half you are my Ying to my Yang" he said that with a small smirk

"Bella I love you it would do me a great pleasure if you were to accept my proposal to be my wife" he said in a low tone

I didn't notice I was crying until he cleaned my tears with his hands can I marry him I love him just not like -stop don't think of him- would it be fair to Devin for me to accept his proposal just so I can move on, we have been dating for a while and he still is in my heart no it wouldn't be fair it wouldn't make me better than his damn ex. I hate you but i cant really hate you Edward for not being able to get you out of my heart I can't be happy yet you were able to move on you were able to forget what we had our fairytale ended but you were able to start a new one with someone else; I didn't know I was full out crying until Devin got up and hugged me.

"Baby don't cry please what's wrong tell me, I know it wasn't how you would have imagine someone to propose to you" he said in a small voice like if he were talking to a small child I looked up to meet his eyes he saw there how I was hurting what was the pain in my heart, it wasn't cuz of the way he did it.

"Is still him" he said hurt

"Yes I love you but he is still there I hate my self for it I try to hate him for it but i can't" I said in a quivering voice, I was a mess I just knew it."I want to accept but I don't find it fair to you what kind of person would I be if I said yes to you when I also love another man more than you" I blubber out

"a good one; you are a good person Only time will heal the wounds and who said life had to be fair" he said without knowing he had quoted me from along time ago, he was right maybe me loving him was just the beginning to forget Edward maybe time will heal my broken heart only time will tell.

"you don't have to say yes right now" he whispered sadly looking at the floor

"yes" I said decided i should give it a chance; he looked up at me confused

"yes" he asked skeptical I giggled

"yes" I said again I don't know if I would regret this later on but I have to move on

"yes" he said still skeptical of what yes I said to

"yes Devin I'll marry you" as soon as the last word came out of my mouth he launched him self at me he started to kiss me his soft lips started to descend to my neck he kissed me along My jaw to my shoulder to my right breast I felt the excitement start in my stomach he carried me up to my room,

"I brought something for you-" he said looking to my night stand "want to try it" he asked showing me what he had it was a small blue pill

"What is it?" I asked looking at the pill

"Its ecstasy, baby" he said drinking one pill

"Ok" I said nodding- he put the pill in my mouth I swallowed it without water I closed my eyes the image of Edward flashed in front of me, he had a disappointed look on his face.

'I'm sorry' i though to him

* * *

Devin started kissing me again I like the feeling that was going through me; my senses felt sensitive.

He laid me down in my bed he started to take my yoga pants off my white tank top too.

His hand started caressing my left breast while he sucked on my right one

"Mmm" I moaned to the feeling I felt my self get lost in the feeling of bliss

"I love you" he said he started to kiss my stomach he looked up I looked down, I knew what he was going to do he started going lower he reached my core he blew some air making me gasp he kissed it before he started to suck and nibble on my clit.

"Oh my god" I screamed out everything felt like in 3D

He made me climax fast I pulled him up I brought his lips to mine we kissed

I helped him get rid of his clothes he reached to his back pocket of his jeans I saw him pull out a condom I kneeled in front of him to help him put it on I gave him a small stroke I leaned down and gave the head a small peck

"I love you my Bella always remember that" he said while pushing me to lay down he gave me a kiss, I felt him slip in me he started slow I felt all the love he was pouring to me

"I know you do" I panted out he started to thrust harder I pushed back to him it felt good the coil in my stomach was waiting to break free but it was still a little out of reach

"OH FUCK HARDER!" I screamed

"FUCK BABY YOU FEEL SO FUCKEN GOOD" he grunted out while thrusting

"OH GOD OH GOD FUCK HARDER DO IT HARDER" I wanted it hard I wanted to be bruised by the salvage way we fucked I didn't feel it was salvage enough I never felt it hard and fast to satisfied my need but I know he tried

"I'm almost there baby come with me" he panted out he brought one hand to the front and started rubbing my clit I finally came with him rubbing my clit.

"Oh shit!" I moaned out I felt him pulse I knew he had reached his climax I dropped to my bed I tried catching my breath Devin got up went to the bathroom to dispose of the used condom

* * *

"Wow that was great" he said without air

"I know" I laughed out some how I couldn't really be sexually satisfied with him but I would never tell him that would just hurt his man ego

"So how is my fiancé doing?" he asked, fiancé wow I never thought he would be the guy who wanted marriage and kids

"I am doing great" I said thoughtful I knew I couldn't back out- out of this I made a decision now I'm stuck fuck

"Let's go celebrate with the gang tomorrow night" he said excited to tell everyone

"Um ok ill call Lauren and Jess to let them know, where do you want to go?" I asked

"Ask them" he said I started to feel restless

"I'll call them tomorrow morning" I said fidgeting

"Ok" he turned over hugged me to him I felt my self feel guilty of the fact I had made a rushed decision….how will I tell him I'm really not ready I thought I was but images of Edward kept popping in my head- fuck I need my pipe it always gets me sleepy and I want to sleep right now. I got up he looked at me

"Something wrong" he asked

"nah I'm just going to get my pipe" I said getting up walking to my drawer where I had my pipe and weed; I lid it on, I started inhaling the smoke keeping it in my lungs I welcomed the burning sensation. I walked to my bed i felt the dizziness hit me right away; I handed him the pipe I started laughing like an idiot

"We should get a bong what you think" I asked him I think he understood what I was saying under all my laughing.

"Yea tomorrow night" he mumbled

"I'm so fucked up" I whispered out.

We spent the whole night getting high we didn't bother on going to sleep we smoked we fucked four times when we ran out of weed we did cocaine it was 6 am and we were still up we were still laying in my bed.

"I think we should get some rest if we wanna function tonight" I said a little tired the affect of the cocaine was already gone

"Ok let's get some rest" he mumbled in my neck he was hugging me I turned to my side he spooned me I let sleep take me like this.

* * *

** I KNOW YOU WERE ALL WAITING FOR IT TO BE EDWARD AT THE DOOR HAVE PATIENCE IT WILL COME **

**OOOHHH IT WILL BE HOT ;)**

**NEXT CHAPPY SHE WILL SEE OUR DEAR EDDIE **

**=-P**

**REVIEWS HELP ME HURRY MY ASS UP TO POST SOONER**

**OH I SENT SMALL CLIPS TO THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN REVIEWING ALL MY CHAPPYS**


	21. THEY ARE HERE!

**THEY ARE HERE**

**BPV:**

* * *

We woke up at five in the afternoon I had called Lauren and jess to tell them about our engagement, Devin wouldn't stop bugging the shit out of me to let the gang know about it somehow he seemed so eager about it.

So We decided to go to a karaoke bar to celebrate our engagement ; so here we are looking for a table to our luck we found a table right away it was perfect. I'm still pondering how to let Devin know I'm not ready to marry him, well we could do a long engagement I guess.

"Jess, lets go sign up" Lauren said breaking me out of my thoughts, in this place you had to sign up and they would call you randomly they would choose a song for you and also a partner Lauren said it was fun, I was against it but still we came to try it.

A lot of people were going up it looked like fun but fucking hell I wouldn't try it.

Out of our group the First up was Jessica she go to sing Barbie girl by aqua it was funny she got paired up with a random guy to sing Kevin's part. Up next from us was Lauren she got to sing California girls by Katy Perry she actually did a good job she had a nice voice she also got a random guy.

"let's check in our magic box who will be our next lucky contestant" said the announcer "and it is…. Miss. Bella Swan" the guy screamed into the microphone my eyes almost popped out I turned around to look at the girls they had a mischievous smile on their faces.

"What did you guys do!" I whispered yelled since the entire place was quiet looking around to see where said person was. I got up grabbed Devin's scotch I swallow that shit up in one gulp I got Tyler's drink and drank it up, Mike got his drink and pulled it to his mouth just so I wouldn't drink it I didn't noticed but the whole crowd was looking at us they busted out laughing when they saw Mike take away his drink.

"Asshole" I murmured

"let's check who will sing with this pretty lady it will be….. MR. Edward Cullen" said the guy -OH SHIT THEY ARE HERE- I didn't expect to hear from them in awhile. I turned around I saw him getting up I heard the crowd applaud for us I made my way to the stage.

'ok swan just pretend you don't know him forget he makes your heart start beating like a humming bird' said my inner voice

'Yes that's easy to do so I'm just going to do just that' I said sarcastically to my inner voice.

We made it to the stage I looked at him he gave me one of his crooked smiles. I looked at the plasma screen to see the what song I was stuck singing, fuck this is not a good song

The song started playing and O MY GOD! I was fucking nervous Did Edward know how to sing? If he did, I don't think I could keep up with his cocky ass.

He started to sing:

"Ladies and gentlemen I know what you want she's hot as a stove her name is Nicole"

Shit he wasn't singing but fucks he was rapping! Holy shit it was HOT!

It was my turned so I had to bite the bullet;

"I'll do whatever you like, I'll do whatever you like I can do I can do, I do I do whatever you want don't cha want it" I sang the first part of the chorus while he was staring at me, he looked surprised I didn't back out

"I do the thing; I do the thing you wanna

"I'm gonna do, do anything you wanna (I know what you want)" I said moving my hips side ways making a Shakira move with my hips

"Boy, you want my body wanna ride it like a Harley once or twice around the block I bet I'll have you saying 'woh woh'

First stop let me pop drop like a helicop pay attention on me while I show you the scenario" I said as I got closer to him I could smell his sweet smell, how I missed it I kept glancing at the screen to see the lyrics

"You charming me boy yeah boy, you're charming me just like the beat is gonna do on the radio

I thought you knew me by the way your talking to me you get any closer to me then I might just have to let it go" I sang to him he was getting a cocky look on his face he knew what he was doing to me how my body was reacting to him.

"Something about the cocky thing you got me wanna see what's really going on" I sang

We started singing to the chorus we where face to face he put one hand on my hip, his hip started moving with mine.

"Yea work it out girl" he sang

"Make a bed you put the cat in the nap I'll tell you what side I get, all night lover

See the cheek wanna see me make it speak" I sang spanking my ass

The crowd went wild when I spanked my ass I saw his eyes turn black, -uh weird- I turned over so my back was to him

"Watch it while mommy teaching I won't stutter". I sang grinding my ass to him

"I can tell you, you had never had a touch, hood up while I show this much, ill do that for ya,

Playing a step promise I can make it rain lemme see that sugar, king you like that don't ya" I sang pushing my ass I could feel his excitement i had to stifle a moan

"Something about the cocky thing you got me wanna see whats really going on"

"I do the thing; I do the thing you wanna

"I'm gonna do, do anything you wanna (I know what you want)" we kept singing the chorus I kept dancing seductively on him , he turned me to face him and started singing close to my ear I saw him licked his lips his eyes were smoldering black

"See me in the back chick like that get you to turn around but I can hit it like that I said you run around I'm shit like that."

"wohoooo yea bro! give it to her" yelled Emmet

"Eat it, beat it till it's swollen you gonna need an icepack I'll tell her big thang poppin'

Let me hear you say that, Lay back, Play that, Purp, kush blowing in the may back,

Work my company three year and your wanting me imagine what they done to me

On top of me, up under me accept no imitation baby other can't be hatin"

He sang that part throwing a glance towards Devin

"And they'll be all in ya face I mean all in the wussy,

See I can take you on vacation, ey we can ball in the A

You hit me up four in the morning what you callin to stay ,shorty"

who knew Edward knew how to rap the way he was singing turned me on .I could feel my panties get wet

I sang the chorus to him I knew I was looking at him with lust. I wonder for a quick second if he could smell my arousal cuz if he did fucking hell I was done for.

"I'll do whatever you like, I'll do whatever you like I can do, I can do" I sang rubbing on him

" wait a minute, motherfucker" he sang -fuck me he just cussed-

"I've been looking all night, wanna kiss you one time mommy do what you like

Go ahead pull it pull it pull it" he sang almost kissing me

"First you gotta get it right, I can love you a long time, I become a big crime,

Then I'll pull it pull it pull it" I sang to him with devious smirk. I rubbed my knee to his bulge

"What she wants it uptight, I promise a goodnight

Girl, you're gonna sleep tight when I pull it pull it pull it" he sang lowering his hand and gripping my thigh -fuck i think my panties are soaking-

"wanna look at your eyes, when you get the big prize

Gonna give it a kind when I pull it pull it pull it" I sang the last verse looking in his eyes I saw how they were black -was he hungry?- The announcer broke me out of my thoughts.

"Wow! You guys have a career in singing" said the host to us we said thanx getting off the stage.

I started walking away when he pulled on my hand

"Bella wait" he said pulling me to a small corner where no one was able to see us, he pushed me so my back was against the wall he had his hands on both side of my head trapping me there his face was so close inches apart I could easily kiss him

"what Edward?" I asked a little dazzle having him this close to me.

"we need to talk" he said with pleading eyes, I knew I would regret this but I had such curiosity on what he wanted to say.

"um ok talk" I said fast not wanting for Devin to find us and make a big scene again

"Not here please let's go for a walk" he said staring at me I was undecided I think he knew that by the way I kept fidgeting and biting my lip.

"Bella I won't try anything I promise" he pushed I looked at his eye's they were back to their regular color

"Fine when?" I asked him biting my lip

"Right now tell them you don't feel good I'll come find you I'm going to take the family home" he told me

"what would you tell them?" I asked

"I'll tell them I'm going hunting" he said it like that was the logical explanation there was I had to laugh at that.

"what about Alice won't she see it?" I asked

He smirked giving me a crooked smile with a guilty expression

"Yea but she won't say anything" he said happy I agreed to talk to him

"fine Edward but we have to get back before they start asking where we went off to" I said

"you go towards the bathroom I'll make it seem I'm coming from outside ok" he said

"k" I said not wanting to move from here "go" he whispered I saw a small smile playing at the corner of his lip.

I made a small run towards the bathroom I walked in I saw my reflection I saw how flushed my face looked but I looked at how thin I had gotten; I was wearing a small silver skirt with a white tank top with a gray jacket it looked cute with some white ballet flats.

"Bella what are you doing we have been looking for you" said Lauren I turned from the mirror to look at her.

-I'm I really going to go meet Edward behind Devin's back?-

* * *

**I WANTED TO POST EARLY AND ANSWER THE REVIEWS YOU GUYS HAVE LEFT I SWEAR I TRIED BUT TODAY IS **

**MY HONEYS BIRTHDAY **

**SO I HAVE BEEN KINDA BUSY PREPARING FOR A SMALL**

**FAMILY GATHERING**

**REVIEW **

**PLZ**

**8-)**


	22. THE TWIST

**THE TWIST**

**Bpv:**

* * *

"Oh sorry I don't feel good I guess mixing the drinks wasn't such a good idea" I said feigning a stomachache

"You want to go home cus we can if you want to" said Jessica worried

I'm I really going to do this but I'm really intrigued by what Edward has to say

"No its fine I'll just take a cab" I told them, -God I can't believe I'm doing this

"Bella you know Devin is mad cuz of the way you were dancing with Edward have you told him who he is?" said Jessica checking her self in the mirror

"No jess I haven't told him- I will tomorrow" I said to them, I really didn't wanna tell him

"Can you tell him I don't feel good and that I just went home please" I said pleading with them

"If you are leaving cuz of the Cullen's you don't have to we saw when they left" said Lauren while she played with my hair.

"No girls I really do feel sick" I said to them hopefully they didn't see through my lie

"Ok we'll tell him don't worry" they said looking at me worried

We started making our way out of the bathroom and there stood Devin waiting for us he looked pissed.

"So you were in the bathroom" he said looking me in the eye as if I was hiding something -SHIT-

"Yea I'm going home I don't feel so good" I said looking at him cutting off my emotions I learned this little trick when Edward left me, I had to try to be strong for Charlie

"Walk with me now" he said pulling on my arm his was grip tight on it, when we made it outside I tried to pull away

"Would you let go your hurting my arm" I yelled at him

"Who is he uh tell me I know you know him!" he yelled turning to look at me

So he did recognize him from Vancouver

"Devin he's my ex the one who broke me the one you have been trying to help me forget" I said in an undetached voice.

"What-what?" he stuttered out

"He-he is the one who you have tried many times to kill yourself for!" he said getting madder

"Yes" was all I said I know I had tried many times with killing my self with an over dose or something specially after Charlie and Rene but somehow I never succeed -lucky me-

"and you dance with him like that god Bella I wouldn't be surprised if he asks you out again he knows by the way you moved you're not a virgin!" he yelled that snapped me out my guilt trip

"Excuse me what does my virginity have anything to do with this!" I yelled at him what is with him and his ex always talking about my virginity

"BECAUSE I TOOK IT AWAY HE LEFT YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE A VIRGIN NOW HE CAN FUCK YOU IF HE PLEASES WITHOUT THE GUILT!" he screamed at me. I stood there shocked at him saying this to me I took a step closer to him and slapped him.

"You are a fucking asshole he left me for other reasons, you don't know what you are talking about but I didn't know I seem to look like a hooker for you to think any guy might look at me for sex only Is that why you are with me because I look easy!" I yelled I took my phone out to dial a cab to come for me "Bella I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that" he said in a low voice

"No Devin Fuck you leave me alone just don't I -I need space" I said to him walking away towards the side-walk I called the cab I had to wait for it to arrive, I had been noticing changes in Devin he is not the sweet guy I had met, his demeanor had changed drastically since he saw his damn ex Cynthia. This is when my doubts about what really happened between him and her come to mind, but why would he ask me to marry him is it to please me? -HA I don't want marriage- when my cab arrived I turned to him.

"I love you" I whispered to him I turned to get in and before I closed my door I heard him whisper 'I love you too'.

The cab ride was silent I didn't know what to think. Could Devin be right and Edward wants me for sex I mean I felt his bulge I knew I at least get him turned on but no he cant be turned on he has a gorgeous girlfriend she's way prettier than me, but maybe he finds me attractive cuz I'm not the shy blushing human anymore, Fuck I'm thinking what that asshole said he could have slept with his ex god I will fucking kill him if I find out they did more than talk-

I was broken out of my thoughts by the driver

"We are here ma'am" he said

"Thank you keep the change" I told him stepping out and giving him the money

I walked up the small steps it was chilly out so I hurried and opened the door I made my way to my room I walked to my closet and took out the small package I grabbed the small bag and walked to the bathroom.

I took my clothes off, I took a hot shower to relax I finished I got out wrapped my self in a towel and I went to grabbed a cup I got some tap water I took the small pill and swallowed it down.

I walked to my room and laid down in our bed I wanted the affects of the pill to take affect fast I wanted to forget the pain the confusion I was feeling I knew I loved Devin but I also knew my heart hadn't forgotten Edward if I was to choose I knew who to go to.

I heard a small tap on the window I walked towards it I was still wrapped in a small towel and to add I was high. I opened it there stood Edward just looking at me up and down I heard a small noise come out of his throat I giggled that snapped him out he gave me a crocked smile.

"Hey I came earlier but I heard the shower running" he explained

"Oh its fine come in" I slurred out I giggled hearing my self I was walking back to my bed when he turned me over to look at me

"Are you drunk" he asked with a disapproving tone

"What?" I asked like an idiot I had heard him the first time

"Bella what did you drink?" he asked me in a worried tone

Should I tell him I took some ecstasy um nope

"Nothing" I said getting antsy

"Come on lets get you in bed you need to rest" he said

"No you said you wanted to talk" I argued

"We will just get some rest love" he said laying me down in bed with him

"But I'm not sleepy" I argued cuddling with him

He started humming my lullaby that got me sleepy

"Cheater" I mumbled burring my face in his neck

I heard him chuckle after a while I went to sleep in his arms and for the first time in months I was able to fall asleep without a problem.

I woke up feeling relaxed it's the first time I have slept this good in a while I felt safe I was stretching out when I opened my eyes I jumped a little he was not the person I was expecting to wake up next to.

"Morning" he said with a smirk

"What are you doing here?" I asked him sitting up

"Bella we were supposed to talk last night but you were drunk and if I'm correct you took something" said Edward raising an eyebrow at me, fuck I remember I took ecstasy Devin left for me

"Edward you should leave, Devin will be here any minute" I said not meeting his eyes I felt guilty I gave my self hope what's worst he stayed the night over, Devin could have walked in

"I'm sorry Bella but I think we should talk" he said pleading I looked around anywhere but his eyes, I had decided last night to talk things out so why not

"Ok let me take a shower wait for me downstairs" I said turning to look at him

"Ok" he said with a big grin on his face I got up I had a towel wrapped around me I was naked oh shit I turned to look at him puzzled I opened my mouth to say something but he beat me to it

"You fell asleep with the towel around you nothing happened" he said with a smile he started getting up making his way downstairs I just stood there shocked he could have had a peek I just shook my head smiling and made my way to the shower I grabbed my toiletries; the shower had helped me relax I was nervous of what he was going to say.

Is he going to tell me how he met his new girlfriend, if he changed her himself maybe this can help me with some closure and maybe just maybe I'll be able to talk to the Cullen's I can even invite them to my wedding, I was thinking this as I was putting some black shorts on with a gray tank top when my phone rang I ran out of the bathroom I didn't recognize the number.

"Hello" I said

"Hello Bella dear" said Cynthia in a fake sweet voice

"ugh what do you want bitch" I said annoyed with her

"oh just calling to ask do you know where your boyfriend is" she asked

-She better be messing with you bells- my bad side thought

-Don't fall for it- my good side thought

-But he didn't come home last night-

-You told him to give space he wouldn't go to her-

-Wouldn't he? -

I had two sides fighting what to believe.

* * *

**DUN DUN DUN (dramatic affect) **

**SO LIKE I HAVE SAID REVIEWS HELP ME TO HURRY MY ASS UP TO POST SOONER **

**SOOOOOOO**

**DO U GUYS THINK DEVIN IS WITH THE EX?**

**COME ON LET ME KNOW**

**REVIEW IF U WANT ME TO ****POST TONIGHT**

**BUT IT NEEDS TO B ****MORE THAN 10 **

**IF NOT I'LL SEE U GUYS**

**MONDAY -p **

**MUAHAA MUAHAA MUAHAA**

**I'M SO EVIL**


	23. SIN

**OK FIRST OFF I WANNA SAY SORRY I HAVENT POSTED SOONER BUT IM A LILL SICK SO ITS KIND OF HARD FOR ME TO DO ANYTHING, THANK YOU ALL WHO HAVE LEFT ME A WONDERFUL REVIEW AND SECOND BUT FOREMOST I HOPE UR OVER 18 TO READ THIS CUZ LEMONS ARE AHEAD! =) ENJOY**

**BPV: OH FUCK**

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"I have no idea but I'm guessing you do since you are calling me" I said getting mad of the idea of him there, he proposed to me 2 days ago what the fuck!

"Devin?" she yelled for me to hear him

"yea baby" he answer I gasped I cover my mouth so she couldn't hear me gasp oh my god he called her baby, he is with her. That damn son of a bitch I'm going to fucking kill him

"Are you leaving to Bella's house already baby" she asked him

"No! She said she wants space I'll give it to her" he sounded like he was coming closer to her, I could hear she had put the phone down

"oh what are you going to do meanwhile?" she asked him like if I wasn't on the phone listening to them, bitch did on purpose

"I am going to fuck your brains out like no tomorrow baby" he moaned out I could hear her moaning didn't take a genius to know what they were doing. I hanged up I went to his side of the closet I took all his clothes he had here out I ran to my open window and started throwing them

'fucking asshole you can't fucking ask me to marry you then go fuck your damn ex…I fucking told him cheat on my I'll fucking kill you a promise is a promise'

I had finished throwing his clothes it was raining so it help to ruin them I was done with them I went to my drawer were I kept Charlie's gun. I ran down the stairs I was about to open the door when it was shut by a hand I turned around to see who it was, it was Edward worried and pissed I had forgotten he was here.

"move" I said in a cold tone

"what the hell do you think you are doing with a gun" he asked in a very pissed off tone

"Move Damn it" I said pushing away I turned trying to push him so I can open the door but it was like I was pushing a damn wall, I turn to meet him eye to eye

"talk to me Bella" he said in a straining tone I saw his eyes were black

"go hunt Edward you need it" I said dismissing him

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what the fuck you are doing with a gun" he yelled at me

"I'm not fucking tell you anything" I yelled at him back

"Do you even know how to use it?" he asked worried

"No shit Sherlock my father was a chief of course he showed me" I yelled getting irritated

"Where the hell is Charlie at" he asked -I never told him he died

"What the fuck do you care but if you must know he isn't here" I yelled at him

"I'm not leaving until he gets here" he said still holding the door closed

"Well then you're stuck with me cuz Charlie won't be coming home any time soon" I said mad he wasn't moving

"Then you are stuck with me" he said with a smirk I saw his eyes were still dark

"Go hunt Edward we will talk when I come back!" I yelled at him

"I don't need it but are you really planning on going out dress like that" he said pointing to my shorts and top I wasn't wearing a bra the tank top had a build in bra, I was cold you were able to see my nipples

"Does it matter" I said not caring how I was dress

"Yes it matters the whole fucken town is going to notice this" he said pinching my nipple I moaned at the feeling I saw his eyes turned coal black his lids became hooded, I saw him lick his lips I licked mines when I saw him do that, before I knew it he attacked my lips with his as soon as his lips touched mines my whole body became a live wire the electricity was running all over my body and I welcomed it.

I forgot why I was mad, why I didn't want to talk to him, why I had a gun in my hand in the first place. I dropped the gun to the floor I lifted my hands to his wild hair I pulled him closer to me he lifted my legs and wrapped them around his waist he pushed me against the door his bulge was hitting right on my core I moaned with the feeling he kept rocking hitting in the right spot I let go of his lips to breath he kept kissing my jaw my collarbone where he started making a sucking noise

"oh god" I moaned out

"tell me to stop Bella, I don't think I could if you don't tell me" he said still sucking my neck, fuck I don't want him to stop not now not ever.

"couch now" I moaned out he started moving to the couch there he Laid me down on the couch he kissed me all over my body, I took off my top he kissed my breast he took a nipple in his mouth while he pinched the other one

"Oh fuck" I screamed with the feeling of it he was putting the right pressure on me not to hard not to soft I felt his hands work in my short he pulled a way and sat up

"lift up" he said in a sensual way I lifted up he took my short and my thong off together I was well exposed to him I saw him he was just staring he licked his lips He lowered his head down then he started kissing my abdomen he worked his way down he kissed my legs down and back up when he reached my core he gave one lick

"oh god" I moaned fuck his cold tongue did wonders

"it's not god baby it's Edward" he said with a smirk he lowered his head he licked me and then blew on it

"oh fuck" I screamed he started sucking on my bud I felt his cool tongue going inside of me he started fucking me with his tongue.

"oh shit" I screamed pulling on his hair the feeling was intense I was near my climax so fast I never climaxed this fast. "mmm" he moaned with a small growl that did it I came fast and hard he kept licking my juices off of me that made me climax a second time again I was seeing stars.

I got up I pushed him in a sitting position I climbed on top of him I started kissing him I started to unbutton his shirt I pulled away to take it off he got me off of him he stood up I took in the view before me his chest was toned he had well define abs I licked my lips I saw him pull down his dark blue jeans he was wearing boxer briefs I could see his bulge wow he is huge I looked up to see him in the eye I didn't give him a chance to get them off I pulled him to me I lowered his briefs

"oh my god you are huge" I gasped out I got his dick in my hand I gave him a soft pump this made him groan

"Bella I want you" he moaned out

"Then have me" I said lowering my head to take him in my mouth this made him hiss I grabbed his hand I put them in the back of my head showing him it's ok for him to guide me I kept licking and sucking him he tasted so good like vanilla ice cream I moaned to the taste I relaxed my throat so I could suck him in deeper without gagging all of a sudden He pulled me up before I could protest his lips were on me

"It's not I didn't like it cuz god trust me love I loved it but I want to be in you I want to make you mine" he said in between kisses

"Take me, fuck claim me as yours" I panted out I pushed him so he could be sitting down on the couch I climbed on top of him his tip was at my entrance

"Bella are you sure" he asked looking me in the eye I didn't nod I didn't say anything I just pushed down I felt him going in Edward threw his head back and grunted I moaned to the feeling the feeling was good intense he fit perfectly like a jigsaw puzzle, he filled me perfectly.

"oh my fucken god" he grunted I started rocking a little he put his hands on my hip he started thrusting in me I threw my head back the feeling was nothing I had ever experienced he started sucking my nipple

"oh fuck Edward!" I screamed

"that's it scream my name" he panted out

"Fuck Edward you feel oh Fuck so good" I screamed I didn't care who could hear me

"Yes scream who you belong to" he grunted out

"you" I moaned out

"say it Bella say it out loud scream it so everyone can fucking hear who you belong to" he kept thrusting fast

"FUCK I BELONG TO YOU EDWARD, FUCK FUCK!" I screamed I leaned down to his neck and bit him that made him growled

"Fuck bite me again" he growled out I leaned down I bit him again the hardest I could he growled louder than before I felt my self get wetter with the sound, he pulled me out I looked at him puzzled

"turn over on all fours" he said in a gruff voice- if velvet can be gruff I looked at him his eyes were blacker than black his lids were hooded I could see the lust in his eyes. I turned over I got on all fours he spanked my ass making me moan

"you like that don't you" he said with lust I just nodded my head he pushed in me in one swift thrust making me scream in pleasure, this position made him be deeper in me the couch was smacking against the wall making the walls shake, making some of the picture frames to fall down anyone near would have heard us but I didn't care

"Oh fuck faster god do it faster" I moaned out I didn't want it restrain I wanted it wild. He sped up thrusting faster but not hard enough

"I told you is not god it's Edward" he panted out smacking my ass

"oh yes Edward harder oh fuck I want you to fuck me harder" I moaned out he sped up I felt his grip on my hip tighten you could hear the couch grunting in protest of our abuse to it.

"Edward Edward oh fucks! I'm going to oh oh fuck!" I screamed out my scream could probably be heard down the street, I climaxed over and over wave after wave of pure pleasure rocked through my body I have never had an orgasm like this

"fuck Bella fuck fuck that's it come for me milk my big cock baby" he screamed out he thrust so hard that it made my climax bigger

"oh fuck yea just like that aahhh" I screamed out I felt him stiffen he released inside of me "Fuck" he grunted out with one last thrust, he laid his forehead in my back I was a sweating mess my hair was sticking to me, we stayed like that for a while neither of us wanted to break the silence all you could hear was our panting for air.

"wow" it was all I could say what do you say when a guy fucks you senseless there are no words

"wow really" he asked with a chuckle

"shut it" I said with a grin he pulled out laid me on my side, he laid next to me

"why are you blushing now" he asked -hello I usually would fuck Devin but I was high and right now I wasn't

"Cuz I want to" was my smartass answer blushing scarlet knowing he noticed.

"are you ok I didn't hurt you did I" he asked worried

"no I'm fine, you did just fine" I said with a small smile yea so much for talking.

* * *

**I WAS GONNA PUNISH U GUYS AND LEAVE IT WITH A CLIFFY BUT I THINK U SUFFER ENOUGH**

**REVIEWS WILL HELP ME FEEL BETTER =)**

**OK LET ME KNOW WHAT U THINK ANY IDEAS**

**LET ME KNOW ILL TRY TO POST UP SOONER**

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	24. THE TALK

**THE TALK**

**BPV:**

* * *

We had been laying here for a while; Edward had gotten the throw blanket that was on the couch to cover us. I sat up I looked down at him he had his eyes close, I thought about what had transpired between us and this was not the way I wanted things to go I wanted to talk things out at least keep him as a friend but now I feel we have blurred that line. I mean I'm not gonna complain the way he fucked me was amazing I never thought I would get to experience this with him, Devin didn't come close to making me feel the way he did- OH SHIT! I slept with a man who might be married, I'm engaged but I'm going to cancel it after the douche bag fucked his ex- Ha who I'm I to talk I just did the same shit but this was a one time thing I bet my skinny ass that fucker has done it more than once. I gasped loud making Edward sit up in a flash

"What's wrong?" he asked holding my face in his hands; how can I tell him what we did was wrong but that I don't regret it Fuck! God I'm going to sound like a slut!

"um um um" ok great I sound stupid now

"Oh shit Bella you regret this don't you" he said letting go of my face, he started to pinch the bridge of his nose damn how I miss that about him- _focus_- oh right

"no no no no not at all Edward is just well you're taken, you have a girlfriend who probably doesn't deserve what we just did" I explain fast in one single breath. He looked up at me looking me in the eye I guess making sure I wasn't lying He blew out a breath

" I guess it's time for that talk" he said

"that sounds like a good idea" I replied

"why don't you go get ready I'll take you to grab something to eat well have a walk and well talk, how about it?" he told me holding my gaze

"sounds like a plan to me, let me take a fast shower" I said getting up I took in my appearance I was butt naked I didn't care psh he saw me naked already I started to walk away I almost reached the stairs when I felt a hand on my waist he growled next to my ear making Goosebumps breakthrough out my whole body

"Bella, you will be the death of me" he moaned out, he started to nip on my earlobe making his way down to my neck, I moved my neck more to the side to allow him access

"Ed-Edward we-we-we oh god" I moaned I couldn't make a coherent sentence

"mmm what love" he asked still kissing my sucking on my neck, I knew he would leave a mark but I didn't care, we had to stop we need that talk

"Edward please we need to talk" I was able to say in between moans, I moved a little away from him so he could see I wasn't playing around

"yes love your right" he said blowing out a breath in my back making me shiver

"I'll take a fast shower" I said without turning around to look at him, I knew I would fall to temptation

"I'm gonna go home take a fast shower and I will come and get you, be ready" he said, I suddenly felt a cold breeze all around me I turned around to see him all dressed up

"I'll be back love" he said giving me a peck on the lips with that he was out the door, I just stood there with my mouth hanging open.

"What the fuck was that?" I asked to no one in particular cuz my ass was home alone thank god. I turned around and made a run to the bathroom I took a fast hot shower, I went into my room I had a towel wrapped around me I walked into my closet got a t-shirt and some jeans I changed walked to the bathroom did some light make-up, I was finished drying my hair when I heard a knock at my door, I hurried down to open it Edward was there standing looking like he just came back from a photo-shoot he was wearing a gray button down shirt and some black jeans with his black chucks

"hey you ready" he asked with a small smile

"yea let's go- oh wait I need shoes" I said blushing just remembering I didn't put some on I ran back to my room got my black chucks and ran downstairs without tripping

"ok let's go" I said a little out of breath I closed my door and walked to his car; He opened the door for me I hadn't even finished buckling my seat belt when he was already sitting down looking at me with an amused expression

"um what?" I asked looking around feeling self-conscience

"I like your T-shirt" he said pulling out of my driveway, I looked down to my shirt to see what he was talking about

"oh" was all I able to say, my t-shirt said

**'You're just jealous because the voices only speak to ME!**'

"So what voices speak to you?" he asked with a smirk

"I'll never tell" I said, we started laughing. we drove for a while in silence until I realized I had no clue where he was taking me

"Where are we going?" I asked breaking the silence

"I'm taking you to a small little restaurant in Seattle" he said it like it wasn't a big deal

"Edward you could have taken me to the diner, it would have been fine!" I protested

"I know" it was all he said, we sat in silence it wasn't awkward at all just comfortable I was looking out the window when I heard that song;

_'I feel the beating of your heart_

_I see the shadow of your face_

_Just know that wherever you are_

_Yea, I miss you and I wish you where here'_

I looked at Edward looking at me, the song kept playing in the background;

"I love you Bella I never stopped loving you if I left was cuz I wanted you to have a normal life to be able to go to college and experience the normalcy of it" he said holding my face in his hands

"What about your distractions?" I asked I wanted to know everything

"There was no distraction when I left you I fell into a black hole, I basically went insane" he said ashamed of admitting it to me

"But you moved on Edward you found someone else" I said in a small whisper I didn't want him to know how much it hurt me

"We never had a normal relationship"

"What? What you mean with that" I asked

"Bella I slept with Tanya-"I didn't let him finish I didn't wanted to hear him telling me he slept with her- not long ago I had let him touch me so intimately

"I don't need to know that"

"You need to know it just not details of it but please hear me out" he pleaded

"Edward I really don't think I should be hearing about you and her" I argued back

"Bella you have to hear it so you could understand why I didn't come back for you why I was with her in the first place" he kept arguing not letting me protest about it- wait _was_ with her?

"What do you mean _WAS_ with her?" I asked he led out a breath blowing it in my face I don't know if he did it on purpose or not but it had me dizzy

"I broke things off with her that day I last saw you at the hospital. I couldn't take it anymore to be living a lie" I knew I was looking at him like he had grown a third head

"What?" was all I was able to say

"Bella I slept with Tanya thinking it was you I was not sane at the moment in my mind I saw you but when she talked to me in the middle of things she brought me back to reality, I was raised to be a gentleman so out of respect I stayed with her but after I saw you at the hospital and had you in my arms I knew I couldn't be without you again, please tell me I'm not late tell me you forgive me and you take me back"

"I don't know what to say, all I can say is give me time I need time, but I think we should start with being friends that's all I can give you right now please understand me" I said to him praying he wouldn't turn his back on me and leave me again but I had to clear things out with Devin.

"I can do friends, I'll win your love again" he whispered- he leaned in and gave me a small peck on the lips

"Thank you" was all I said, I looked around to see my surroundings we had stopped at a small pier

"Where are we?" I asked him

"We are at Seattle pier, come on lets get you something to eat" he said getting out of the car

"you still drive like a maniac you know that" i told him when he was helping me out of the car

"Stop critizicing my driving skills" he argued while we walked to a small little restaurant, I know I'm letting him see my soft side for now but

I really hope we could work things out between us.

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**I'm so so so sorry to have kept you waiting but i got the bad case of a stomach flu it wasn't pretty =(**

**ooohhh i got the next chapter ready and oh boy drama is up **

**ok but let me know what do you think of their small talk i say small cuz she took him in as a friend**

**but sometimes friendly lines tend to blur ;)**

**The song they are listening in the car is LIFEHOUSE-FROM WHERE YOU ARE**

**REVIEW REVIEW PLZ**


	25. CRAZY ENCOUNTER

**CRAZY ENCOUNTER**

**BPV:**

* * *

I was glad Edward accepted my offer to be at least just friends, for now he had just taken me to grab something to eat at a small place. We were walking along the Seattle pier it was nice out, cloudy and humid perfect weather for Edward to be out we kept on walking in silence.

"let me know when you want to head back home" he whispered low enough for me to hear there were a lot of girls staring at him I could tell he was uncomfortable

"when I get cold I'll let you know, I forgot to grab my jacket when I got out" I said looking ahead I didn't want to look at him, my finger kept twitching wanting to hold his hand

"why is it you always forget your jacket- oh for fucksakes!" he yelled startling me

"what- what's wrong?" I said pulling on his arm to stop walking

"I swear didn't know they were going to come here" he grabbed my shoulder to look me in the face

"ok who?" I asked carefully

"I'm sorry I'm so sorry" he kept saying

"god damn it Edward who?" I asked getting pissed, he opened his mouth but before he was able to say anything I heard her

"Hi Bella"

"oh that's who you meant" I said, he looked mad I turned around to see the whole Cullen clan

"Hi" I said to all of them

"Bella boo" yelled Emmet before he grabbed me into a bear hug, I just stayed there limp in his arm, I'm still hurt they left me behind like that without a good-bye in time maybe i can forgive them.

"Emmet you big doof put her down" yelled Edward, making him set me down

"so what are you guys up to" asked Alice

"we were just talking" I said in a monotone

"oh how about we go to the Ferris wheel?" asked Alice ignoring what I had said

"I'm not really a big fan of it" I said it looking at Edward who had a face of concentration, I took in all their expressions they all had a fake smile, did they really feel like they had to put up a fake façade in front of me, where they mad Edward is here talking to me

- _I need to get away_- I thought

"you know what I need to go to the bathroom I'll be right back" I said walking away from them. I knew they were hiding something but what? I was about to turn the corner when I heard Edward yell

"Bella wait" but it was too late I saw them I didn't wait for none of the Cullen's to catch up I walked up to them.

"well what do we have here" I said in a fake sweet tone

"Bella, it's not what it looks like" said Devin I could tell he was nervous I found him in such compromising position

"really what does it look like then cuz from how I see it your dry humping her in middle of the street!" I told him He started walking towards me but I backed away from him.

"No need to approach me boo, cuz I'm done with you" I said turning away, I felt my heart break I knew I still love Edward but I also had fallen in love with Devin so seeing him with his ex was a slap in the face I knew he was cheating but how long has it been going on? How long have I been an idiot

"Bella wait" he yelled he pulled on my wrist to turn me around I pushed him off

"don't touch me" I yelled finally breaking I was trying not to make a scene and not to cry but I was hurt first Edward now him, is there something wrong with me?

"Bella listen to me please" he pleaded

"no I'm done listening" I said pushing him away but he wouldn't let go of my wrist

"Let her go now" I heard Edward growl behind me

"what the fuck is he doing here" yelled Devin but not letting go

"it's none of your fucking business" I yelled back at him. I heard her cackling

"what so funny bitch" I said taking a step closer to her but Devin pulled me back hard making me whimper of the strength he used on my wrist

"Leave her alone" he said

"watch it asshole" said Emmet coming to stand next to Edward

"let go of her now before I make you" Edward told him in a menacing voice, Devin only smirked and for the first time I didn't see his smirk attractive Devin whistle- _fuck he wasn't alone this won't end well_

"Devin don't" I said looking around watching how many of his personal bodyguards came with him 8 he had eight fuck! They backed him up all behind him I looked at the Cullen's

"not a very smart move" said Jasper coming to stand next to Edward and Emmet I saw the girls had a wicked smile, _this is so not gonna end good _

"Devin call them off now" I said pleading to him

"oh your worried about your little friends" he sneered at me

"no you idiot I'm worried about you guys, they can take care of their selves"

"ha-ha you think they can beat us" he said in disbelieve

"I don't think they can, I know they can" I told him getting in his face

"you should listen to her" I heard Jasper tell them

"no let's have some fun with this idiots" said Emmet all giddy

Devin pulled me by the wrist towards him, I felt his arm snake around my waist my body recognize him right away making me relax into his warmth -_traitor_-

"LET HER GO NOW" growled Edward I turn to look back at him I saw Devin's body guards making a small circle around us I looked back to see there where two bodyguards protecting Cynthia

"Let me go, I think you should go back to your slut" I grunted out trying to push him away. He grabbed my face roughly turning it sideways

"Last Time I fucked you I don't remember marking you by making you a hickey" he said through gritted teeth

"last time I checked you were fucking her" he looked confused

"oh wait did she not tell you she called me I heard you fucking her she kept screaming like a fucking banjee" I said looking at her I know I clicked before hearing them but he doesn't have to know

"you did what?" he asked turning to look at her but not letting go of me I looked back to the Cullen's they all had a shock expression on their faces looking from Edward to me

"Holy shit bro did you fuck her" finally yelled Emmet -"so did you huh come on bro details" Edward look like he could kill anyone at any moment

-whack- I grimaced I looked at Rose shacking her head at him

"I swear I don't know why I'm with you" said Rose rubbing her face

"oh because you love me Rosie" said Emmet wiggling his eyebrows at her

"that still doesn't explain it" she said with a sigh

"are you two done?" asked Devin-"so Bella he did what I told you he asked you out again and he fucked you didn't he?" he asked

"it's none of your business if I fucked him or not" I glared at him

"You are mine so it is my business and no one can mark you except me" he yelled at me gripping my waist it was hurting like a bitch but i wasnt gonna give him the pleasure of showing him it was hurting

"I'm not yours asshole I may love you but I don't take shit from any one and i dont have a fucking owner last time I checked I was a free bitch" I said kneeing him in the family jewels, making him let go of me; he bend over cuz of the pain but he straight him self up a little just enough slap me a cross the face, I felt the blood coming out of my lip

I heard 5 loud growls behind me.

-_wrong fucking move_-

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**yes my ppls the shit just hit the fan }:-)**

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	26. EDWARD vs DEVIN

**EDWARD vs DEVIN**

**Bpv:**

* * *

"YOU DAMN SON OF A BITCH" roared Edward in anger, in a blink of an eye Edward had Devin by the throat, Devin's bodyguards where behind Edward trying to get him off of Devin who was on the floor receiving punch after punch from Edward. Jasper and Emmet pulled the bodyguards from Edward they started fighting with them, Emmet was laughing knowing the bodyguards couldn't really injure them, he looked like a maniac, any other day I would have laughed at the sight of him.

I could tell Jasper was really mad he had a concentrating look, the way he looked was really intimidating.

Rose and Alice came to check my lip but they didn't do anything to break the fight except watch.

"What the fuck is wrong with that guy did he really think we would stand back and watch him hit you!" said Rose full of rage

"Bella has he ever hit you before" asked Alice

"No" was all I whispered watching the fight.

Devin tried throwing punches at Edward but he kept missing,

"DON'T EVER FUCKING TOUCH HER" growled Edward punching Devin in the face repeatedly. I saw Emmet slam two of the bodyguards together knocking them down to the floor

"fucking loosers" laughed Emmet

"damn he looks hot" sighed Rose I just looked at her like she was crazy

"Yea my cowboy don't stay behind" sighed Alice, watching Jasper kick around the bodyguards he reminded me of Jackie Chan.

"you should show your boss some manners never raise your hand at a lady" Jasper told one of the bodyguard he had kicked

"what the fuck are you idiots there standing for, help them" yelled Cynthia to the other two bodyguards, those idiots tried to take on Edward from behind since he was still punching Devin,

_'fuck Edward could kill him' _I thought,

_'but he looks so fucking HOT'_ my little voice thought

but Emmet and Jasper saw them they pulled them away from Edward. I saw Cynthia by herself I walked to her and slapped her

"that was for sleeping with my fiancé" I told her, I slapped her on the other cheek

"that is for being a pathetic bitch" I yelled at her

"Leave her alone" grunted Devin I looked at him he was on laying on the floor Edward was standing above him he was without a scratch on him, I saw Devin he had a worried look.

"You still love her but yet you asked me to marry you! Why?" I yelled at him

"I love you Bella but I also love her" he whispered out with a gasp

"No No! You said you were done with her you said I was the only one for you! You fucking lied to me!" I screamed a sob wanted to escape me I knew i sounded like a petulant child, but I was fighting not to cry, the Hurt was too much he was my rock the one I went to for anything and he knew that he was the one who was helping me but he was also stabbing me in the back.

"I'm sorry but I never stopped loving her" he said getting to his feet I walked to him and slapped him

"I gave you my all for this" I yelled at him

"Bullshit you never gave me your all! You were still to hung up on him" he yelled pointing a finger at Edward I stood there stunned cuz he had a point

"I was at least trying to move on"

"I guess you didn't try hard enough" he sneered

"how long" I asked closing my eyes

"two months" Cynthia said I opened my eyes to look at her, he had moved to her side

"two months! The night of the party before Vancouver" I asked knowing the answer

"yes" was all he said

"you- you her-her" I couldn't talk I was shocked to his admission, he fucked me that night!

"She was the one you were meeting, you weren't making a deal where you" I said, the hurt was turning into anger.

"No I was making a deal that day, I ran into her there"

"why were you at Vancouver?" I asked her

"I needed to tell him something" she said she looked like she didn't care If I knew about what was happening behind my back. I lost my cool and try to ran to her and slap that smirk off her face but Alice and Rose stopped me

"Bella don't, you can't hit her" whispered Rose in my ear

"and why not" I grunted out I was trying to get away from them

"let's get out of here Bella the cops are coming" whispered Alice in my other ear

"I'll go just one punch that's all I ask" I said still struggling to pull away Cynthia started laughing

"shut it bitch cuz when I get to you I'm gonna beat the shit out of you" I yelled at her

"You can't touch me cuz if you do I'll sue your scrawny ass" she yelled with an evil glint in her eye

"You can't sue me you fucking slut" I said trying to get to her

"You can't beat a pregnant woman it's against the law, therefore i an sue you" she said with an evil smirk- that took the fight out of me she's pregnant! What the fuck!

"who knocked you up, do you even know" I sneered at her she tried to come at me but Devin held on to her

"Bitch it's his baby, I know who my baby daddy is" she yelled

"well excuse me for thinking it might be one of your other boy toy"

"your gonna regret this swan" she screamed

"Bring it on bitch" I said with a laugh

"enough!" yelled Devin

"Bella baby I will see you at home" he said in a sweet tone

"Baby? Fuck you asshole, You think I'm gonna go back to you, you aren't allowed near my house" I told him

"You are mine Bella whether you like it or not" he said through gritted teeth

"Fuck you she isn't yours" Edward growled at him

"she is mine get it through your thick head" Devin told him

"I'm not yours Devin the one who is has a bun in the oven, good luck you procreated with the Devil incarnation" I sneered at him

"Fucking bitch I'm not the devil" screeched Cynthia

"You are a sad disappointment Devin, I never thought you would deceive me like that but karma is a bith just remember" I said to him

"We will talk when I get home" he stated

"I told you, you aren't allowed in my house if you try it I will shoot you"

"You won't you'll go to jail" he argued

"Not if I claim self-defense" I argued back

"We will see" he said

"Come near her and I will kill you my self" Edward warned him.

I looked at Devin one last time, Edward sure did a number on him, his bodyguard didn't look good either I bet they're gonna get fired

"Let's go Edward I think it's time for me to go home" I looked at him he had a sad smile we started walking away we weren't that far from the car we reached it but he didn't open the door

"you ok?" he asked pulling me to him, I let him hug me I didn't care he had broken my heart too, but as a friend I could use the hug

"Bella are you ok" asked Alice in a small voice, the whole Cullen's where behind us

"yea I just want to get home" I whispered through Edwards neck I didn't wanted to let go of him I felt safe here wrapped in his arms

"come on let's go" he whispered in my ear pulling away I just nodded I knew I was a flood gate ready to burst

"Bella do you want to go and visit Esme?" asked Jasper i guess he knew how i was feeling since he was an empath but i was trying hard to supress my feelings just so he didnt tell Edward.

"not today I need to get home and rest" I knew my voice sounded dead but I was emotionally tired my life has been a roller coaster since I arrived to forks. I think I should go visit Charlie's grave then plan my trip to My moms house in Jacksonville, I need time away from Forks and what better way but to be in a sunny place instead of a gloomy one, I should invite Jess or Lauren maybe both, a girls night out with them sounds good.

"Bella- yoo-hoo earth to Bella" I heard Emmet chuckle

"I'm sorry what?" I asked shaking my thoughts away

"we were asking if you wanted to do something tonight so you can relax and forget about what just happened" explained Alice

"um like what?" I asked

"oh I know let's go back to that karaoke place" yelled Emmet all excited

"what do you say love" asked Edward

"not today guys I'm sorry" I whispered to them, they just nodded.

"Ok then lets get you home" whispered Edward in my ear

I just nodded and got in the car I didn't tell none of them bye but I just wasn't in the mood I just want to go visit Charlie's grave.

Edward got in and he started driving towards Forks I knew this was going to be a silent ride

_I hope_.

* * *

**so there you have it n i want to thank all of u who have left me a review now i need to apologize for being so late but i had a bad week first my hub looses his iphone n not just any iphone but the iphone 4g so i had to give him mine sucks trust me cuz i have all my story ideas there, then he gets surgery done on his finger n now im sick again :-/ WTF**

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**ANY IDEAS YOU HAVE LET ME KNOW I'LLTRY TO WORK THEM IN HERE **


	27. COLD DESERT

**COLD DESERT**

**BPV:**

* * *

We were riding in silence; I didn't wanna talk I just wanted to get home grab my car keys and go to Charlie's grave.

"Bella I'm sorry you had to see that" murmured Edward, I knew he wasn't to blame for what had just happened.

"Why was Alice there?" I asked ignoring his apology, he let out a sigh; I turned to look at him

"Alice had her first clear Vision of you" he admitted- this surprised me her first vision?

"Wait, what?" I said confused

"She stopped having visions of you, when we left I had asked her to stop looking for you, at first they were just glimpses of what you were doing she would shake them off so I wouldn't see them, then they started coming blurry and after that they just stopped. Carlisle thinks its because she suppressed them so much that they ended up going away and since we saw you at the club she has been seeing me in what we guess its your future since I show up but the person next to me its blurry" he explained

"She saw what was going to happen with Devin" I stated upset of the fact they tried to hide it from me

"Yes she saw how upset you would be, why didn't you tell me about the phone call?" he asked upset

"You didn't have to know-"

"I know I hurt you in the pass and I'm sorry, but you don't know how much it kills me to know someone else hurt you, he doesn't deserve you" his voice full of hate

"I really don't want to talk about this right now please" I pleaded I still had the urge to cry but I was afraid to.

"I'm sorry" he murmured so low.

I looked out the window just watching the street blur as we passed, I thought back to the day I met Devin; I had gone out with Jessica and Lauren, Charlie had just passed away, they were trying to help me to get out and have fun they wanted me to take something to make me forget all my troubles.

We went down to Seattle to a party we had all been invited by Tyler it was one of his cousin who was throwing a party.

Tyler pulled me with him when he set up a meeting to make a deal, I still don't get why he took me instead of Lauren or Jessica they knew what he was doing I didn't, when he said I'm meeting someone to make a deal with him I thought he meant something else it never occurred to me to be drugs.

I saw a guy approaching us I didn't think much of it until he introduce him self to me.

"_Hey I'm Devin" he said extending a hand to me _

"_Bella" was all I said I found him cute, attractive the way he looked at me I felt comfortable with him._

"_Tyler I didn't think you knew any beautiful girls" he told him still holding my hand and for the first time in months I blushed, his voice I found it smooth_

"_I know a lot of them but Bella here is something special to our group" Tyler said in a warning tone_

"_She will be well taken care of I promise" _

I guess he broke that promise but he had a point, I didn't give him all my heart it still belongs to Edward and I always knew it would be hard for me to give something that didn't belong to me anymore, when he left he took it with him without him realizing that.

I did give Devin something special to him that I will never able to give to Edward….

-My Virginity-

I don't regret giving it to him but I'm ashamed to think in what mind I did it in. I just wish we would have parted in better terms not with threats we were good friends before we dated, I remember the night I gave my self to him he made It special for that I'm thankful.

"_Devin what's all this?" I asked surprised to find his room full of white flowers every surface was covered, the red candles glowed so beautifully his king bed had a red bed sheet it looked to be of silk I didn't dare to walk around afraid I would ruin it._

_He turned me around holding my face in his hands he slowly leaned down to kiss me tenderly I closed my eyes wishing it was Edward who I would share this special step._

_He moved his fingers so slowly through my hair, his other hand snaked around my waist to pull me so gently towards him, the way he moved around me reminded me of Edward so much his steps were always measured around me, so I did something I knew I would regret later on, I pretended I was giving my self to Edward and not Devin. _

"_Take me, make me yours" I whispered so low, I meant it for Edward_

"_I will, we will always be together forever" he whispered kissing my neck_

"_Forever" I murmured back_

"Bella we are here" I looked around me I realized I had fallen asleep in the car

"I'm sorry I was just so tired" I said stretching I tried stifling a yawn

"I understand don't worry" he said looking out the window he looked lost in thought; I didn't want to bother him.

"Thank you for lunch" I said reaching out for the door handle

"Bella?" he asked so low

"Yea" I asked looking back at him

"If he tries anything please let me know" he turned to look at me, his eyes looked troubled like if he had been tortured about something

"Edward I will handle it my self don't worry about me" I tried to make my voice sound smooth and not irritated but I didn't want him thinking he had to baby-sit me though.

"Humor me please" he begged

"Edward I'm sorry but I learned to take care of my problems so I can handle a crazy ex trust me" I argued

"Bella you didn't see what I saw in his mind, the plans he has to come and get you and take you away from me" his voice was sounding a bit hysterical he was loosing his calm façade and I was loosing my temper

"Damn it Edward if he comes just let him I will talk things out with him, plus he still has to come and get his stuff out of my house weather you like it or not" I fought back

"Fine but I will have to be here for that" he said through gritted teeth

"Look as a friend I'm trying to look out for you" he explained more calmly

"And I appreciate that but you have to understand I don't always need someone to watch over me" I explained still irked knowing he will be lurking in the shadows making sure I was safe.

"Bella-" I didn't let him finish

"Like I said thanks for lunch if anything I'll let you know" I said it but not really meaning it.

I got out the car and walked to my door I opened the door and went inside I didn't look back when I closed the door; I went up t my room and grabbed a sweater, it had gotten a little chilly outside and I planned to be out doors for what I had in plan, I ran downstairs got my car keys and walked back out I saw Edward was already gone. I walked to my garage where I had my car parked it had a covering sheet; I had covered it before we left to Seattle.

I got it got it started, I revved the engine I felt the adrenaline rush run through me I had good sound system so I put the volume up hearing the bass, I connected my I phone looked through my play list and decided to put a song that will always fit me to the T - , I made sure it was on repeat so it only played that one. I backed away from the driveway and started driving to Charlie's grave I had made a big decision and I wanted to let him know what it was.

The song: Cold Desert by Kings of Leon filled my car

I started to sing to the song cuz that's how I was feeling in this moment; I was afraid to break down and cry again, I was told I was loved yet where are those persons who said they loved me,

I felt alone, I felt nobody carried the pain that had been inflicted on my heart, I had been hurt twice, I felt too old, for being an 18 year old I had been through a lot but yet again I have been known to cross lines, I've always been different since I was little. What made me think if I grew up I would grow out of it?

_I'm on the corner waiting for a light to _

_Come one _

_That's when I know that you're alone_

_Its cold in the desert, water never sees _

_The ground _

_Special unspoken without sound…_

_Told me you love me, that I'd never die _

_Alone_

_Hand over your heart, let's go home_

_Everyone noticed, everyone has seen the _

_Signs_

_I've always been known to cross lines…_

_I never ever cried when I was feeling_

_Down_

_I've always been scared of the sound_

_Jesus don't love me, no one ever carried _

_My load_

_I'm too young to feel this old…_

_Here's to you, here's to me_

_On to us, nobody knows_

_Nobody sees, nobody but me_

* * *

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	28. CHARLIE'S GRAVE

_I'm on the corner waiting for a light to _

_Come one _

_That's when I know that you're alone_

_Its cold in the desert, water never sees _

_The ground _

_Special unspoken without sound…_

_Told me you love me, that I'd never die _

_Alone_

_Hand over your heart, let's go home_

_Everyone noticed, everyone has seen the _

_Signs_

_I've always been known to cross lines…_

_I never ever cried when I was feeling_

_Down_

_I've always been scared of the sound_

_Jesus don't love me, no one ever carried _

_My load_

_I'm too young to feel this old…_

_Here's to you, here's to me_

_On to us, nobody knows_

_Nobody sees, nobody but me_

I lowered the music down when I knew I was near the cemetery but I kept singing the same song I had put on _COLD DESERT_. It was dark out but I was able to see the entrance to the cemetery I took the turn that lead me to Charlie's grave; I felt my stomach turn from being nervous to see his grave again to know my father was dead and my mother missing it was still hard for me. I reached the aisle he was in; I parked I took one long breath in and let it out. I left my car running my music loud enough for me to hear from Charlie's grave his was one of the first ones, I got out and walked to his spot, I looked down to it when I reached it, he had dead flowers from the last time I was here, I sat down crossing my legs in front of me, my back was to the stone covering what it said I didn't want to look at it, it reminded me on how alone I was. I put my head down, my chin touching my chest and I finally let the tears flow.

"Hey" I started in a small whisper

"I know I haven't been here for a while and there's no excuse but it's still hard for me to grasp the fact that your gone, I miss you so much specially right now, I need your advice I don't know what to do I did make a decision but truth be told I don't know if it's the right one and guess what Edward is back, the whole Cullen's are back, he told me he loves me that he lied to me that he left me for my own safety" I felt a sob brake out

"I'm a mess I know I have let you down by my decisions in the past, I made the mistake of letting someone influence me into drugs I know you told me many times to seek counseling but I'm stubborn, yet when I was offered a joint I took it without a second thought, I should have known that was not the way out but I needed something to numb the pain I felt on my chest. You saw I became a shell of the person that I was when I first got here I couldn't go out even though you pushed me to I couldn't because everything reminded me of him, everywhere I was to turn I would see him in a way, this pain I still feel it even though he is back I cant just drop everything and go back to him I can only be his friend I love him but I can't go back to him that way, I don't trust him not to leave me again and this time I know I wont survive it, I love him that much it's a love that can kill cuz for him I would kill in a heartbeat, I'm sorry I know you wouldn't approve but that's how strong my feelings for him are, I don't thinks his are as strong as mine though.

Then there's the other one who just backstabbed me, Devin, him I love not as much as I do with Edward but I love him enough that his actions hurt me, he was my rock the one I went to for anything I was always able to talk to him about anything he knew what the Cullen's put me threw when they left, what I suffered when Edward left me but now he changed a lot you know, he isn't the sweet guy I met, the romantic guy who would do anything just to see me smile, he isn't the one who promise he would take care of me, no in his place there's this bitter guy he is serious he's possessive, I mean we were possessive in the past but not like this he thinks I'm a trophy or something but I'm not! I have my doubts and I'm really curious is Cynthia really pregnant by him? Why does he want me if he has her? Has it crossed his mind that the baby might be Paul's? Why did he go back to her after she had cheated on him?

I'm so confused by everything and everyone I have decided and I hope it's the right decision, god I hope that it is this is why I'm here to let you know. I will be visiting you I promise but not as often as I should.

Please don't be mad and understand me but I need to think things out for my own sanity, I love you and I miss you, I miss both of you I'm alone with no one to guide me, to talk to and I'm scared I'm so scared" I started sobbing uncontrollably.

_Jesus don't love me, no one ever carried _

_My load_

"Why did you guys have to leave me? WHY! I need you with me, take me with you please, please just take me I have nothing to live for I have no one that cares for me like you guys did! Everyone that I have given my heart to that I have trusted have betrayed me, everyone that I care about leaves me I'm so alone in this damn world please just please take me no one would notice if I were to die please take me I want to be with you guys, I miss you dad, I miss you mom, I miss you too Phil" with all my crying I didn't realize I had company until I heard someone say my name; I looked up to see who it was

"Bella"

"What are you doing here" I said sniffling cleaning my face with the sleeve of my sweater

"Bella you have me you aren't alone I -"

"How much did you hear" I asked getting on my feet

"All of it" he admitted

"Did it ever occur to you that If came here alone is cuz I wanted some privacy?" I asked him my voice cracking, but he wasn't looking at me he was looking at the tombstone behind me.

_Here's to you, here's to me_

_On to us, nobody knows_

_Nobody sees, nobody but meee_

**='( I teared up when i put cold desert in the background while reading it over u should try it ='(**

**REVIEW TELL ME IF I MADE YOU CRY**


	29. SURPRISE

**Bpv: SURPRISE**

* * *

I looked back to where he was staring at, I knew he was reading the name off of the tombstone, I also read what it said:

_Charlie Swan; _

_He was a good father_

_A good friend _

_He will be forever missed_

_May his soul be in peace._

I felt a sob break out, those small letters will always remind me on how he is not with me anymore I was never a full out daddy's girl, but I had gotten attached to him this couple of months I got to know the man behind the uniform.

"Why didn't you tell me Bella" he whispered so low I looked at him I knew my eyes would be red from all this crying

"I didn't think you would care" I said the pain evident in my voice

"I will always care about you" he said in a sad tone he tried to walk closer to me but I moved

"Edward you have to know I'm not the same girl you met, I don't think you would be in love with this new me" I said walking away from him

"Bella please don't say that I love you for you-" I didn't let him finish I turned on him

"NO! I have made mistakes horrible ones how can you say you love me, you love a drug addict a whore who gave her self to the first guy she saw!, No you love innocent Bella the one who was so naïve to believe everything that came out of your mouth, So don't stand there and tell me you love me when you don't even know me anymore!" I knew what I had said hurt him but it was the truth, how can he love me with all my defects.

"First off you are not a whore you gave your self to a guy who you love, second you are not an addict you haven't done any today have you? an addict always wants more and has no limit, and yes you have changed drastically from the Bella I knew that does not mean I would love you any less people change all the time, I changed too before I was always scared to hurt you I knew with one touch I could easily break you and yet now I was able to make love to you….

Bella my love for you is also so deep that I would also kill for you, you are my life and you are my soul I would rather die than be without you" he cupped my face and leaned down he kissed me so gently, it wasn't rushed it wasn't needy like before, it was soft and sweet it reminded me of how he kissed me for the first time but this time it was different because he wasn't testing his limit, he surprised me when I felt his tongue inside my mouth I felt all the love he was pouring into this kiss it made me feel so connected with him like this, I didn't wanted to stop I wanted to stay here forever, I could hear my heart beat erratacly in my chest and I welcomed it.

I had to pull away so I could breathe, I looked him in the eye and saw how happy he was that I didn't push him away, I couldn't help it but smile

"I Love You Bella"

"I Love You Edward" I felt excited to be able to say it to him without feeling guilty of betraying Devin, I knew that chapter of my life was now over

"You don't know how happy it makes me to hear you say that" he said with his famous crooked smile

"I'm happy as well but we have to take baby steps" I wanted to give my all to him but part of me was still scare he might run off again

"I know love and trust me I will show you I won't leave you ever again; it would kill me to be apart from you now" I knew he was saying the truth

"Let's get out of here" I said pulling on his hand trying to get him moving he wouldn't budge though; I turned to look at him

"What's wrong" I asked he had a serious face on, all the happiness it once held was gone

"Are you planning on telling me how Charlie died, how Rene and Phil went missing?" he asked I let go of his hand, I knew that question was coming but I was hopping not here but at home

"I will once I get home" I murmured looking towards my car

"Ok lets go" he grabbed my hand, I looked at him he gave me a sad smile I just remember something

"Edward, how did you get here?" I asked him when we reached my car

"I ran" he said with a sheepish smile I couldn't help it but laugh he looked so cute

"Get in" I said still laughing

"Hey this is a nice car where you get it?" he asked admiring the leather seats I asked to be put in when I bought it

"I stole it; ha you thought I would buy a car like this what are you crazy?" I asked him

"YOU DID WHAT" He yelled I couldn't help but laugh at him

"Ha-ha I'm just kidding I bought it not that long ago" I said still giggling

"Since when do you like fast cars?" he asked turning his body sideways to look at me

"I like the adrenaline rush that goes through me" I knew saying that was only going to get him upset

"So you like speeding now, what happened to being daughter of the chief and abiding by the rules?" he asked upset, I knew he would ask and if I were to tell him the truth he would be more upset and not with me but with himself

"I don't speed; if I were you I wouldn't talk you drive crazier than me!" I defended

"Yes but I'm indestructible and your not!" he defended back

"are we really going to fight on who drives more crazy because for a human I drive good, you don't count you have perfect reflexes" I argued

"No for a human you drive recklessly" he said under his breath

"You know I heard that right?" I said, he just started laughing

"Yea well you're going 80 miles when the limit is 30" he stated

"So this is slow compare to you, you drive 120 and if I remember correctly you hated when I wouldn't go above 50!" I said getting annoyed

"I'm just saying you should slow down a bit what's the hurry?" he said quietly

"There's no hurry but I'm used to driving like this" I said softly letting the car loose speed my house was in the next block

I kept driving back towards my house, I knew he was staring at me but now I had to think about my plans before all of this

"what are you thinking" he finally asked breaking the silence, I didn't know what to tell him my plans for leaving forks were still there I just didn't know if he would like the fact that I would be moving to Jacksonville.

"I made some plans earlier today its one of the reason I went to Charlie's grave" I said not even looking at him parking in front of my house

"Oh" was all he said I think he knew where I was heading

"I think I need to start over in some place new where there are no memories to haunt me like they do here" I started

"Where will you go?" he asked quietly

"my moms house in Jacksonville, I plan to go clean it out bring her stuff back here and sell that place and just keep Charlie's house, its my childhood place I know it holds sad memories but I would love to keep it and plus I plan to start looking for a place away from here" I told him

"How long will you take?" he said in a small whisper

"Not long I hope" if I were to ask him to come would he?

"I'll miss you, you know" I could detect the sadness in his tone

"You don't have to if you come with me" I finally looked at him

"You want me to go with you?" he asked

"if you don't mind being stuck indoors during the day, I would love for you to come with me" I admitted, I know I said I needed time away but now that he was back in my life I didn't wanted to let him out of my sight.

I was biting my lip waiting for his answer, would he go? Or would he say no?

"I would love to go with you love, I don't mind being stuck indoors as long as I'm with you" he said reaching over to kiss me, I inhaled his sweet scent.

I was lightheaded when he pulled away

"When do you plan on going" he asked me

"Tomorrow night I'm going to make the flight reservations tonight actually"

"Sounds good, let's get inside and well start planning the time cuz we have to arrive at night-" he didn't finished talking when his phone rang

"Hey Alice" he answered with a smile

"Thank you"

"Yes I know you are"

"Yes I'll ask her but I wont push her if she doesn't want to, ok" he said looking at me, I tilted my head sideways wondering what she wanted

"Ok bye"

"What" I asked

"well the little pixie saw what our plans were and she decided to go ahead and got our flight tickets for us we leave tomorrow night at 5:45 we arrive at 9:45; she also wants to know if you would like to go over to my house and visit them before we leave" he said looking worried

"What… Tonight" I asked him

"Well Alice wants to go out and have some fun before we go" he admitted

"I need to get ready first" I said looking down at my outfit I still had my jeans and sweater and I bet my ass was dirty from sitting on the floor at the cemetery

"Well she kind of has an outfit ready for you" he said I looked at him with a raised eyebrow if he could blush I knew it would be right now

"Ok let's go" I said staring the car

"Can I drive please you don't know the entrance to the trail" he said trying to hide the fact that he didn't like my driving

"Want to bet" I said speeding down the road making my tires squeal

"Shit" was all he murmured.

* * *

**YAY THEY FINALLY MADE UP =)... OOOH GUESS WHOS IN THE NEXT CHAPPY...HINT HINT ... CULLENS**

**MANY OF U ARE PROBABLY WONDERING ABOUT TANYA N DEVIN RIGHT IF THEY ARE REALLY OUT OF THE PIX WEEELLLLL...**

**REVIEW IF YOU WANT TO FIND OUT... WICKED**


	30. THE CULLEN HOUSE

**THE CULLEN HOUSE**

**BPV:**

* * *

It has been a while since I talk to the Cullen's in good terms, the times I have seen them I have been rude to them but I was hurt; I still am hurt I guess it will take time for me to trust them again.

I know I've changed a lot this couple of months so seeing them now It feels like it's my first time meeting them but this time I know what they are.

"are you nervous?" Edward whispered

"just a little, I have been rude to them you know" I explained

"They know why you acted that way Bella" he said

I knew I look like shit since I had been crying and to add sitting on the ground, I should have changed before coming here

"are you planning on slowing down?" he asked, I raised an eyebrow at him questioning him

"are you still going on about my damn driving!" I said getting annoyed with the fact he kept asking me to slow down

"no but if you don't slow down your going to miss the turn" he explained himself

"and I told you I know where it is so would you just chill" I said

"always so stubborn" he murmured

"I heard that" I mumbled

We stood quiet the rest of the ride, if he only knew I know the trail to his house from heart, I took midnight stroll when I needed to feel he was real that it wasn't just my imagination.

I took the turn to the trail I watched as the trees passed; I remember coming here with the pain in my chest hearing his voice over and over telling me that he didn't wanted me.

I parked the car turned it off but I didn't move to get out, I was trying to relax my self before I went it, I knew jasper would tell him about my pain and that was the last thing I wanted them to know specially Edward.

"what's wrong?" he asked

"nothing just a bit nervous" I answered as calm as possible, I closed my eyes when I opened them he was next to me with my door open

"lets go, there's nothing to be nervous about love they are anxious to see you" he said with his crooked smile

I got out without a fight I knew I had to face them, I changed so much in this months what if they don't accept me anymore because of it.

Edward pulled me towards him we started walking towards the Cullen mansion, he stopped before opening the door

"what" I asked, he didn't answer me he just looked in my eyes, I knew where this was going he bend his head down I got on my tipi toes and met him half way; as soon as our lips touched I felt all doubt wash away, I felt the electricity the current that I have felt since we met pass through all my body, I felt how he brought me alive with just one kiss, he's lips felt so soft I couldn't get enough the taste of his lips was intoxicating.

He pulled away I still had my eyes closed, I could hear my heart beat erratically in my ears, I opened them to look at him he had a smirk on his face

"that's better" he said in a whispered, I didn't say anything I just smiled like an idiot cuz I did feel much better.

He opened the door, he stepped in with me right behind him; I looked around me nothing had changed everything was in the same place as before they left, it actually looked like they never left, once I stopped looking at my surroundings I noticed all the Cullen's where sitting down looking at me, I felt like a painting in a exhibition room being looked at with such interest.

"Hey little sis" yelled Emmet from the couch he was sitting with Rose

He was the only one that spoke at that moment, I looked at all of them and I felt the tension in the room, my only guess was they were waiting for me to snap and if they kept this going I know I was going to and soon.

"well it was nice seeing all of you again but I have stuff to do" I said in a stiff tone, Edward wrapped his arm around me holding me in place, I thought they wanted me to come over what for? For this crap!

"Bella first I want to apologize for attacking you on your birthday" Jasper spoke to me for the first time I could hear the regret in his voice

"Jasper-"

"no let me finish, I am so very sorry about that I lost control but now I can control myself so you don't have to worry about me anymore, I hope you can forgive me"

"Jasper I don't blame you for anything what you did is in your nature, there is nothing to forgive But there is one thing that I cant forgive that easily from all of you" I said looking at all the Cullen's including Edward

"Bella they all left because I asked them to" Edward defended them

"We are so sorry Bella" Carlisle spoke, I missed hearing their velvety voices

"when we left we did for respect to Edward he asked us to move we couldn't go against his wishes" he explained

"I understand but there is something you must know I have changed a lot and I hope you guys can accept me like that" I told them all

"of course you changed you are a badass" said Emmet pumping a fist on the air followed by a

-whack- I looked at Rose she had a smirk on her face

"Dumbass" she murmured

"welcome back to the family Bella" said Esme getting up walking towards me, she stood in front of me waiting for my reaction I guess they did tell her about my change; I took the step forward and hugged her I closed my eyes, I felt at home like if it was my mom hugging me I felt a small tears slid down my cheeks.

I opened my eyes and pulled away, I saw everyone looking at me; I cleaned my face I knew they saw my tears

"Bella" I heard a very soft voice say I looked towards that person

"Alice?" I asked she got up from jaspers lap where she had been sitting at; she ran towards me hugging me knocking the breath out of me

"cant- breath" I gasped

"oh sorry" she said sheepishly pulling away

"so are we going out or we staying in?" I finally asked

"Oh lets go" she said pulling me out of the room I saw Rose following right behind us

"where are we going?" I asked them, I heard my phone vibrate I noticed they both turned stiff, I took out the phone out of my pocket and took notice who it was, it was a text from Jess

_-Bella where r u I went 2 ur house n u weren't there- Jess_

_-Jess I'm at Edwards house- Bells_

_-what! Omj girl I want details when u get back- Jess_

_-I will what u guys doing tonight?- Bells_

_-well the guys are consoling Devin-Jess_

_-WHAT?- Bells_

_-he is here drinking girl I think he is beyond drunk n drugged- Jess_

_-WTF! Jess he could overdose n does he know ur txtin me?- Bells_

_-no r u nuts this asshole would steal my cell just to txt u- Jess_

_-Jess plz take care of him for me- Bells_

_-Do u still love him- Jess_

_-He will always b special to me Jess- Bells_

_-Bells he is going crazy screaming ur name- Jess_

_-he wants u bells- Jess_

_-Bella he's crying- Jess_

I felt a knot in my throat I knew he would be hurt but he's the one who betrayed me now he's acting like the victim and where is Cynthia

_-ask him where is Cynthia- Bells_

_-He screamed that, that bitched betrayed him he found her again with someone else- Jess_

_-Karma is a bitch Jess he was fucking her behind my back- Bells_

_-oh shit! Ur kidding right- Jess_

_-I wish shes pregnant- Bells_

_-wow I'll txt u he's dumbass is trying to drive he wants to go out- Jess_

_-ok I'm going out too- Bells_

_-Love u bitch- Jess_

_-love u too bitch- Bells_

"Bella" said Alice startling me

"AH SHIT!" I screamed, I saw all the Cullen's appear in the hallway in a flash

"what happened?" they all asked, rose and Alice just looked at me like if I had lost it

"sorry they just startle me" I knew I was blushing bright red

"um you can change in my room the clothes are in my bathroom" said Alice changing the subject

"right sorry" I took the turn to Alice room I walked to her bathroom and I burst out giggling

"sorry guys" I said it low but I knew they could hear me.

My phone rang I answer even though I saw who it was

"Baby I'm sorry please forgive me I need you Bella, I need you I was there for you now be there for me" I heard the crying on the other end of the line breaking my heart

* * *

OK I WANNA APOLOGIZE FOR NOT WRITTING SOONER BUT I BROKE MY LEFT HAND N SPRAIN MY RIGHT ONE... IM A KLUTZ...IM STILL WRITTING IN A SLOW PACE =)...I AM NOT ABONDONING THIS STORY BUT PLZ B PACIENT WITH ME SO IF ANY MISSPELLING IS THERE IM SORRY... ON WITH THE STORY...

N OH KARMA GOT DEVIN BACK


	31. BACK TO DEVIN?

BACK TO DEVIN?

**Bpv:**

* * *

"_Please baby come back to me, I love you I was confused I also know what I did was wrong and Bells you know how that is" _he cried, I could hear him sniffling I looked at my self in the mirror and I saw my face was dirty I got a small towel a little bit wet and cleaned my self a little

"where are you at?" I asked him in a small whisper dropping to the floor

"_where I took you on our first date" _he answer in a small voice, that was a stab in my heart

"I-I" I stuttered, he knew that place was special but I couldn't go back to him that was for sure, I had just reconcile with Edward he's the one that I love and want to be with now, but I also knew I couldn't just abandon Devin he had helped me a lot and he was my rock I knew I had to be there for him

"_Bella I cant live without you, please I'm begging you at least come see me for old times" _he begged

"where we went on our first date you said" I asked him again

"_yes, Bella I just want to die I want to kill myself" _he whispered, that sent chills down my back I knew what it felt like to be all alone and wanting to die just to get your self out of the misery your world felt like

"don't talk like that please just don't move" I swallowed a sob, this might not be a good idea to go see him but in my heart I couldn't just leave him call me stupid or naïve all you want but never a bad person.

"_are you going to come_" he asked me

"I'll be right there" I answer hanging up on him, I stood up I just washed my face and brushed my hair I didn't bother on changing.

I knew the whole Cullen's had heard my whole conversation, I didn't know how Edward took the news cuz whether he approved or not I was going to go see Devin as a friend and nothing else.

I walked out of the bathroom and out of Alice room, I started jogging down the stairs when I felt a hand pull on my wrist, I looked up to see a very upset Edward, I looked into his eyes I saw the pain he was in

"I have to go" I whispered with a knot in my throat

"Love it might be a trap" he also whispered

"what if its not? I cant live with the guilt and you know that"

"I can't let you go I saw what was on his mind I saw all of his plans" he said getting agitated

"that was before she left him" I tried not to yell at him but I was struggling staying calm

"what makes you so sure she actually left him and he's probably lying!" he finally cracked and yelled

"God damn it Edward I cant leave him!" I yelled

"I'm not asking you to fucking leave him but to not go!"

"He has been my rock, he has been with me through a lot of shit I can't be a bitch and just turn my back to him and walk out on him when he needs me!" I screamed I knew I was reminding him of what he had done to me but I just couldn't leave Devin alone to suffer even though part of me knew he deserved it

"Goddamn it Bella I get it he needs you but let one of us go with you at least" he said calmly

"Edward no its something I have to do alone…. I …I'm sorry" I said pulling away from him, I saw all the Cullen's standing by the entrance they were all looking at me; I reached the door I was about to open it when it was closed on me

"please don't go" he whispered in my ear, his cool breath send chills down my back, I turned around to look at him

"I love you, I promise I'll be back in a little bit I'll try not to take long" I told him

"I love you too, if anything call me please I'll be waiting for your call" he said pulling me to him giving me a mind blowing kiss,

I pulled away I looked at all the Cullen's, I was surprised they didn't try to change my mind; I gave them all a small smile I opened the door and walked out without looking back

I got in my car I started it I revved the engine I plugged my Iphone in looked for a song and made sure to blast the music loud to:

I'm not Jesus (feat. Corey Taylor)

"_Dirty little secret _

"_Dirty little lies"_

"_Say your prayers"_

"_And comb your hair"_

"_Save your soul tonight"_

What I didn't tell Edward was that I was nervous to go and meet Devin to see him after the fight this morning, if I know Devin like I thought I did…..then I know things will not end well.

"_I thought you were a good man"_

"_I thought you talked to god"_

_You Hippocratic, messianic"_

"_child abusing, turn satanic"_

* * *

**SO HOW MANY OF U KNOW WHAT'S COMING!... **

**I WAS SWEET ENOUGH TO UPDATE SOON **

**EVEN WITH A BROKEN HAND LOL**

**SO B NICE N LEAVE ME **

**A DAMN REVIEW!**

**10 OR MORE IF NOT **

**WAIT UNTIL NEXT FRIDAY**


	32. WHERE DID BELLA GO?

**WHERE DID BELLA GO?**

**EPV:**

* * *

I started walking right out the door as soon as I heard the tires squeal in the drive way

"where are you going bro" asked Emmet, I turned around to look at all my family

"you guys don't really think I'm just going to let her go by her self, do you?" I answered all of them, did they really think i would just sit here and wait for her to come back

"then we will come with you son" answered Carlisle

"no its fine I'll go by my self-"

"Edward if you say you saw his plans then I don't think you going by your self is such a good idea" said Rose

"yea bro that's not a such a good idea" jasper pitched in

"what kind of plans did you see son" Carlisle asked me

"I saw all of his plans and he plans to kidnap her he has a lot of connections and if he wants he can get away with it" I explained feeling the anger boiling inside of me

"did you see what kind of connection" jasper asked me

"He's a drug lord so if he wants he can escape without leaving any tracks, anyone would cover for him" I said

"oh dear, is that how Bella would get her drugs?" asked Esme

"Yes mom he would give them to her for free" I said getting mad of that son of a bitch given MY girl drugs

"so we have to hurry cuz if he takes her we will have to be in a goose chase basically" I said getting desperate to leave

"Cool we might get to have fun, I'm in need of some fun" said a Emmet jumping up and down like a little boy

"um guys"

"Emmet really! Of all the things you should worry about you are worrying about you having fun" Rose glared at him

"um guys"

"what I'm bored Rosie and why not make this into fun" answered Emmet with a big grin

"God you big dork Bella can be in trouble, have you thought of that" yelled Rose

"of course I'm worried about my little sissy don't I look worried" he said touching his heart in mock of heartbroken, i know if he kept this up i would punch him

"um guys"

"stop acting like an idiot before I make you" threaten Rose

"mmm is that a threat or a promise Rosie" said Emmet wiggling his eyebrows, all I could see in Emmet's head was Rose in different outfits and positions

"Emmet stop I really don't want to see those images of Rose!" I protested, disgusted of all the images

"um guys"

"I swear I cant win with you but that's a promise and it wont be a sweet promise like the ones you like Emmy bear" said Rose in a sneer

"don't call me that!" yelled Emmet

"would you guys just stop" I told them

"GUYS WOULD YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN TO ME FOR FUCKSAKES!" yelled a very pissed off pixie, we all just looked at her

"Alice!" Esme chided her

"sorry but I have been wanting to say something but these 2 cant seem to shut up for me to talk"

"sorry pixie" Emmet apologized

"What were you going to say Alice" I asked

"wait can you first find out where Bella is headed" I asked her

"That is what I have been trying to say that we need to go but you guys keep ignoring me! I don't know where Bella is headed to, guys Bella just disappeared on me since she left"

* * *

** DUN DUN DUN**

**CAN U GUYS GUESS WHERE BELLA IS MEETING DEVIN?**

**i know its short n im sorry but i have been busy with skool stuff...but i have the next chappy ready...**

**AND IM SORRY TO SAY BUT I FORSEE THE END COMING TO THIS STORY...**

**NOW MAKE ME HAPPY AND LEAVE ME A REVIEW I WANT 15 ATLEAST =)**

**CUZ I C MANY OF U READ BUT DONT REVIEW BUNCH OF LAZY ASSES!**

**ITS NOT THAT HARD!**

**REVIEW**


	33. WHAT HAPPENED?

**READ MY AUTHORS NOTE AT THE BOTTOM!**

**WHAT HAPPENED?**

**BPV:**

* * *

I was nervous to go see Devin, so far that was the reason I was here at my house looking for my dads gun,

-now remember Edward had you against the door- I stood against the door like Edward had me before.

-so you drop the gun- I looked to my right on the floor

-Bingo- I thought to my self

I grabbed the gun, pulled the bottom of my jeans up and hid It there in my sock; I ran to the kitchen and looked in one of the drawers where Charlie had his pocket knives.

I ran to my car and made my way down to first beach where we had our first date.

I arrived in a couple of minutes.

I felt nervous but I wasn't willing to show it, I kept walking I tripped a couple of times because of the nerves, I made it to the sight it was near the ocean,I stood there remembering when Devin brought me here it was full of white roses and red candles.

"_Devin why did you choose white roses and red candles? I asked_

"_Bella white is for your innocence, I can see how special you are" he answered making me blush_

"_I'm I that obvious?" I asked looking all around me seeing the white roses spread out through most of the beach, they were surrounding a table that had a seating for 2 with just 2 glasses of wine _

"_No its not that obvious but I can see it somehow, there's just something about you that calls me to you" he said, I could feel him starting at me I was still looking away because I didn't wanted to admit it to him that I felt that small connection, it was small but it was there_

"_Everything looks beautiful, I like it" I said finally looking at him_

"_I'm glad you like it" he said with a small smile _

"_thank you, for everything" I said as he pulled me to him slowly, I knew where this was going _

_And I only had one thought_

_-Edward I'm sorry- _

_was all I thought as I let Devin pull me in for the kiss. _

_He kissed me so softly and tenderly, it was nothing of what I was used to with Edward._

That's how relationship began with one kiss, we talked that night about everything I admitted on how broken I was about Edward leaving me, he admitted about his ex on how broken he was too but our little connection made it better and each time he mention it I knew what he meant.

This is why I knew I had to come see him even if he betrayed me but I guess part of me couldn't leave him.

"Devin!" I yelled since I noticed no one was here, I knew this might be one of his trap but he never hurt me

-would he?-

"Devin where are you at" I screamed again maybe I should have let one of the Cullen's come with me, I heard a branch break I looked all around me I couldn't see no one since it was dark out

"Devin is that you?" I asked, I heard rustling around me I looked around I still couldn't make anything out, I grabbed my cell phone I was about to call Edward when I remembered I didn't have his number I never got the chance to ask for it.

I hit my forehead with the palm of my hand

-how stupid can you be- the voice in my head yelled at me

-ok stay calm- I thought

I started to walk towards the beach I knew how to get to jakes house this way so I knew I shouldn't worry much but I also knew it was dark out and I knew I was not safe out here

"Devin!" I decided to yell one last time nothing, the wind picked up wrapping my hair around me I struggled getting it out of my face each time I tried getting it out, the wind would just put it back in my face

"God damn it!" I yelled getting frustrated with the wind

I grabbed my cell and called Devin to see where he was at, I heard it ring in the woods

I looked towards where I kept hearing it ring, it just rang

"Devin?" I asked again

-could he have really taken his own life away- I thought

-was I too late?- I thought

I decided to go look where the phone was ringing what I saw there startle me

There on the floor laying in a fetal position was Devin he was badly beat up he was a mess

I ran to him without a second thought

"OH MY GOD Devin who did this to you?" I screamed, I knew it wasn't cuz of the fight with Edward the blood on his face looked fresh

"Devin look at me" I said holding his face in my hand, never in my mind did I thought I would see the tough guy I met, the guy that showed me to love again, like this I could tell he was beaten over and over again, who ever did this to him had no remorse at all

"Devin you got to tell me who did this to you" I asked him again his eyes seemed to be looking far away like if he wasn't even here it was just the shell of his body

"Devin its me Bella you called me remember" I said with a sob, he didn't look like my Devin and it was scaring me, he kept shaking in my arms I wrapped my arms tighter around him

"Bella" he whispered so low

"yes it me baby please we need to get out of here" I said trying to help him get up but I couldn't even move him by myself

"Run" he whispered, when he said it my whole blood went cold I knew something bad was coming

"what" I asked staying still grabbing my phone I knew there was only one person who I can call as an emergency and he wouldn't let me down

"you-need - to" he didn't finished he was struggling to breath

"I need what Devin" I asked, I was trying to swallow down my fear.

I let go of him I grabbed his face to make him look me in the eye, his expression scared me his eyes were dilated I could see he had no emotion in him.

"Devin listen to me I need you to get up we have to go now you need to be seen , you are badly injured" I said trying to move him I saw a flicker of recognition pass through his eyes

"Bella….need…to…..run" he whispered urgently, I heard branch break from behind me

"Devin what's going on?" I asked looking down to my phone looking for a number

"kill…you" he was gasping out, that made me snap my head up to look at him and to look at my surroundings

"who" I asked still looking around, I looked at my phone and dialed

It just kept ringing I was about to hang up when I heard a voice answer me

"Hello"

"Its me I need your help-" was all I said when I felt someone kick my phone away from me;

I looked up to who it was, I was shocked.

-FUCK- was all I thought

* * *

**SO SO SO SO SO I WENT WEEKS WITHOUT WRITTING THANX TO MY HUBYS BRO HE DECIDED TO BORROW MY COMP WITHOUT MY PERMISSION I WAS LOOKING FOR IT LIKE CRAZY TO FIND HE GRABBED IT THINKING IT WAS FINE TO TAKE OTHER PPLS SHIT!...SORRY BUT IM STILL FUCKING MAD...**

**I WAS ALREADY DONE WITH THE STORY N NOW I GOT NOTHING...SOMEHOW SMART ASS OVER THERE ERASED ALL MY PROGRESS!**

**SOOOOO MAKE MY DAY BETTER N REVIEW...**

**THIS STORY IS COMING TO AN END =-(**

**REVIEW **

**REVIEW **

**REVIEW**


	34. FINDING BELLA

**FINDING BELLA**

**EPV:**

* * *

We have chosen to run instead of using the cars to find Bella, I was following her scent.

I noticed that it had stopped at her house; my family was a few minutes away since I was the fastest I arrived first. I looked around trying to see what she could have possibly had to stop here for; I grabbed her hidden key and went in.

"Edward, why did she stop here for?" Alice asked from the door way

"I don't know Alice but her scent is fresh she must have come here for something but what?" I said walking up the stairs; I looked around in her room everything seemed in order.

I walked back downstairs going back outside to meet the rest of the family that was waiting for me to come out.

"I followed her scent and it takes me out to the road to La push, if she went down there we cant cross" said Jasper

"I'm sorry son but Jasper is right" said Carlisle, I was pacing back an forth thinking how in the hell was I gonna be able to go look for her down there if those damn mutts won't let me, I know for a fact they won't let me.

"well we are gonna have to ask those damn mutts for help" I said glumly

"do we have to ask for their help what if we ask them permission to cross" said Rose

"they wont let us, they don't trust us at all" whispered Alice. I looked at all my family they where all deep in thought wondering how could we cross over or convincing the mutts to let us cross.

I couldn't stand this anymore I started walking down the road, I guess I'm gonna have to ask for help.

"Hey bro where are you going?" asked Emmet, I didn't even bother to turn around to answer I just kept walking

"well it looks like I'm gonna have to ask for the mutts help" I said

"WHAT!" screeched Rose

"its not like I have choice but I have to hurry up before anything happens to Bella" I said getting worried of the fact that she has been gone for awhile now, _did she meet up with him?, is she scared. _This are some of the thoughts that have been going through my mind since she left my side. I broke into run praying desperately for the mutts to let us cross or at least for them to look for her. I arrived at the treaty line with my family where right behind me, I kept pacing back and forth waiting for those mutts to get my scent so they would come and meet us down here

"I hope they hurry up its been almost an hour since she's been gone" I said desperately

"Son calm down-" Carlisle tried to reason with me but I was at the brink here ready to cross over

"calm down! calm down!, Carlisle how the fuck can you ask me to calm down when I don't even know how the girl I love is, I just got her back I cant loose her again" I explained

"Bro chill out, we get you and we will find my little sis that guy wont have a chance to take her away" Emmet said, I could hear the overprotective brother side of him in his voice

"I cant see us anymore" said Alice

_-what the hell are they doing here I swear if they cross over I will rip them to pieces- _I heard a voice say.

"prepare your self's they are coming" I told my family, they all just turned to look at me I just nodded at them. I was flanked by Emmet, Jasper and Carlisle with Alice, Rose and Esme behind us.

We saw them approached they were in their human form

_-thats weird-_ I thought

"what are you leeches doing here" the one named Paul yelled at us

"Paul calm down" the one named Sam order

"Why are you guys here" asked Sam, I looked at Carlisle he just nodded at me

_-go ahead Edward ask them son- he thought to me_

"we are sorry to disturb you but we have a problem and we are asking for your help" I said not knowing how else to ask them

"What makes you think we would help you!" yelled Jacob

"Jacob quiet" order Sam

"what is it that you need our help with?" the one name Sam asked

"its Bella she was asked to come and meet her ex boyfr-"

"what do you mean ex boyfriend and what dose she have to do with you leeches being here?" asked Paul

"yea what about our Bella" the rest started to murmured amongst themselves, I saw in their mind how they all loved Bella like a little sister well except for Jacob that is.

Rosalie stepped closer almost to the edge of the treaty;

"Look dogs, Bella is back with my brother Edward ok she broke up with that stupid guy who not only cheated on her but also had the damn nerve to hit her in front of us! Now does that answer your damn questions" she said, all of the Pack just stood quiet I noticed they were shaking with anger they were ready to shift.

"WHERE…ARE… THEY … MEETING" asked Paul through gritted teeth; he was fighting on trying not to shift

"WHY ON EARTH DID YOU LET HER GO FOR IF HE DID THAT TO HER!" bellowed Jacob; almost crossing over the line to get in my face

"do you not know who Bella swan is?" asked Alice, pushing me to the side to get in his face, she was clearly annoyed by them already

"Sam is there anyway we can cross over to help look for Bella, you must know that she is part of my family" Carlisle tried to reason over all this screaming.

_I wont give a shit about the damn treaty if I have to cross and look for my girl I will, I'm not planning on leaving her out there who knows what that sick muthafucker is doing to her_. As soon as that thought crossed my mind my world shatter,

'AHAAAA'

My head snapped into that direction, It was far in the distance but I could tell we all heard it every one was frozen on their spot.

"Bella" was all I whispered; I didn't think twice about what I did, I crossed the treaty line and ran as fast as my feet could take me to where I heard the piercing scream.

_The fuck with the treaty I'll deal with the consequenses later, my girl comes first! _I thought.

* * *

**OK MY PPLS LEAVE ME UR REVIEW NOW I HAVENT POSTED CUZ IM STILL WAITING FOR LAZY ONES TO REVIEW SO HERES THE THING I GET 10 REVIEWS AND ILL POST SOONER GIVE ME LESS THAN 10 N =/... YES BITCHES THATS A BRIBE RIGHT THERE =D... **

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	35. DEATH

**DEATH **

**Bpv:**

* * *

I knew I shouldn't be surprised but yet I was, watching them 3 circle me like an eagle does up high in the sky waiting for its victim to come out into the sun for him to be able to just swoop down and attack.

Pretty much that's how I am right now, they set the trap to bring me out and my stupid ass fell for it, I know I'm an idiot for not listening to Edward but at least I proved my point that Devin had nothing to do with what was going on.

Her cackle of a laughter brought me out of my shock state, I blinked making sure my eyes weren't playing a trick on me, nope they weren't .

"I told you I would make you pay swan" Cynthia snarled at me, I looked at the other two wondering how did she end up joining forces with them,

"what don't look to surprise bitch, did you really thought I was just gonna let him go back to you!" she yelled

"well, well, well poor little Bella has gone mute on us girls" Tanya said with a smirk planted on her face,

_-why the fuck doesn't my mouth move! I look like a damn idiot- I thought_

_-probably it has to do with the shock of the third person who you weren't expecting at all!- A little voice yelled at me_

"Bella run" whispered Devin in my arms, I finally looked away from them to look at him, I could tell he was badly injured he needed to go to a hospital and soon.

"Cynthia I thought you loved him!" I found my voice to yell, I looked at her

"Ha! I did love him once but he wouldn't go back with me cuz he had _YOU_ , once this little opportunity to hurt you came up I had to take it, just so you could feel the pain that I was feeling to watch your face when you found out I was pregnant of him that was priceless" she ranted, my eyes raked over the last person who hadn't even made a sound she hadn't even talked to me she hadn't even moved, that was creeping me out, but I had to ask Tanya why was she here, what did I ever do to her I met her once.

"you Tanya don't even know me, what-what did I ever do to you?" I questioned her, I could hear my heart pumping with adrenaline, my body and instinct told me to run to try and get far away as possible, but she was like a cobra who hypnotized me to stay in my spot I couldn't move.

"Well my friend here asked me for some help and I couldn't say no to the offer specially when it was to snake my way into Edwards bed, mmm that boy is a good lover you know" she said with a small laugh, I saw red how dare she say that she tricked him to just get in his bed!.

Without thinking of my actions I got up and try to attack her, I was grabbed by my throat, I looked towards who had grabbed me; she looked amused by my reaction.

"you know I'm having a hard time not killing you, I wanna torture you as much as possible but you are making it quite hard on me" she whispered in my ear, I was gasping for air my lungs were burning of need of air, I could feel my body go cold little by little.

I felt the need to close my eyes but she shook me I opened them to see her smirk, she threw me into the air I landed a couple feet away from them.

I coughed while they laughed at my weakness, I heard a moaning sound coming from behind me

I turned around I noticed there was someone on the ground, I crawled against the floor as quietly as possible, I gasped noticing it was Tyler, he still had the phone next to his ear from when I called him.

"Tyler?" I whispered, he was beat up worst than Devin, he was gasping for air

"Hello?" he asked into the phone, I crawled next to him and shacked him

"Ty its me Bella" I whispered again

"Bells, help me" his voice was hoarse, I whimper seeing my friend in pain he had blood all over, his legs were twisted the wrong way.

"well I see you found your friends" she said kicking him in the head, making a crouching sound

I winced at the sound of his skull breaking

I Screamed the most ear piercing scream I had ever let out in my life,

-wait Friends?-

I looked around I saw their lifeless bodies laying there.

Mike, Lauren and Jessica.

A sob broke out of my chest as I got up trying to make a run but I was grabbed by my hair and thrown against a tree with an humph sound I landed, before I could take a breath I was kicked repeatedly

"STOP!" I yelled to whoever was doing it, when I heard one of my ribs crack.

I was lifted by my neck I was gasping for air, I was seeing black spots I knew I was at the edge of passing out.

I remembered then the gun I had in my sock, I lifted my leg a little and grabbed it, I knew a gunshot couldn't do nothing to her but I did know the sound of it would hurt their eardrums and I would not go down without a fight.

I shot up to the sky close to her ear, she dropped me to the floor and kicked me one more time sending me flying against a tree breaking my leg,

I saw them walking towards me, I tried to crawl away while struggling to breath

When I heard the most wonderful sound I have ever heard, I would recognize it anywhere

It was the roar of an angry man, my mind could only register his anger.

"Ed-Ed-wa-ward" I gasped out looking towards where I had heard the growl come from.

* * *

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	36. HE OR SHE

**AN: AT THE END MAKE SURE TO READ**

**EPV:**

* * *

I Raced through the woods as fast as I could following her scent wishing I wasn't late, I could hear my family and the dogs following behind me.

I didn't care if I was breaking the treaty all I cared about was getting to Bella she needed me at this moment.

I knew I was close I could read the mind of those who were around her they were torturing my poor angel, I will make them pay, many scenarios on how to torture them kept running through my head.

"STOP" I heard my poor angel screamed I let out a growl,

"Ed-Ed-war-ward" she gasped as I broke through the trees finally reaching my destination.

Nothing could have prepared me for what was in front of me.

Bella was being held by her throat her legs dangling in the air I couldn't see who was behind her that person was blocking me out I couldn't read that persons thoughts, he or she was being covered by Tanya and that poor of excuse of a human Cynthia

"let her go now" I growled in between gritted teeth

"well well what do we have here, the hero has come to the rescue" Tanya snarled at me

I could hear my family they were seconds away.

-son we are almost there- Carlisle said in his thoughts

"I suggest you let her go if you don't want to be torture before I kill you" I told her

"You bitch didn't I tell you to stay away from my family! I promised I was going to rip your ass to pieces!" Yelled Alice crouching ready to pounce on Tanya. Tanya crouched ready to fight back and defend her self, but what she didn't notice was that all of my family and the dogs had arrived, they were surrounded with no where to go.

I gasped as I saw who was holding Bella, we were all shocked.

We all just stood there not talking, not blinking, everyone's thoughts were quiet.

Her cackle of a laughter broke me out of my shocking state.

"You didn't actually think you were getting away with killing James did you, its only fair a mate for a mate, you killed mine I kill yours" Victoria sneered the last part at me

"James deserved to die and you know it" I said, while hearing her thoughts on how she killed everyone who was important to Bella.

"You see if I cant be Happy neither can you, I cant let that happen now can I, you should have let him kill her in the first place and none of those people would be dead" she said as if it was my fault she killed all of them just to get to Bella.

"Victoria let her go we-"Carlisle tried to reason with her as he knelt next to who it seemed to be Devin.

"Why all of you killed him why should she live!" she yelled

"Leech let her go so I can rip you to pieces" barked Jacob

"Not if I get to her first" growled Emmett

"Tanya we welcomed you into our home we treated you as family" said Esme trying to understand why she choosed to side with Victoria.

"oh save the crap Esme you never liked me, you think I didn't notice that you didn't like the idea of me being with Edward" Tanya yelled at her, I heard my angel whimper I looked at her she looked so fragile so breakable

"Bella" I whispered, she opened her eyes to me I could tell she was in pain and was trying to mask it

"oh look Bella they all came to your rescue" cheered Victoria

"If they only knew that your not even worth it but I got to give you credit you are lasting more than your mother" she stage whispered in her ear, we all growled at her revelation.

We all heard Bella let out a sob.

"oh your dad was a fun kill, I got to admit" she said in a conversational tone

"Was he as fun as James? Because James was fun to kill poor bastard didn't even knew how to fight" I yelled at her hoping to hurt her just like she was hurting my angel.

"YOU ARE THE BASTARD NOT HIM!" she screeched, I saw her hold on Bella's neck tighten.

"Ja-jake run" Bella gasped out, I turned to see from her to him, I could tell from her face that she had something up her sleeve, her face showed determination.

"Jake listen to her you should leave I don't think Bella would like it if you got hurt" I spoke to him out loud

He looked around like he was thinking about his options, He let out a gust of air before answering "I'm sorry bells but I have to go, think about the old man, if I get hurt then who's going to look out for him" he said pleading for her to understand

"It-its-ok-"she gasped out, everyone around us just had a look of 'what the fuck'

"I love you bells" he said before turning around to leave.

* * *

**OK FIRST OFF I WANNA APOLOGIZE FOR NOT WRITTING SOON BUT REAL LIFE GOT ON THE WAY N ALSO I WENT ON VACATION AND I DIDNT HAVE A CHANCE TO WRITE BUT BICHES IM BACK N IM HOPING TO FINISH THIS STORY SOON SO ILL B UPDATING EACH WEEK IM BUSTING MY ASS TO FIND THE END FOR THIS STORY I STILL DONT KNOW WHAT WILL IT BE BELLA CAN DIE OR BELLA CAN LIVE...**

**NOW MAKE ME HURRY N REVIEW LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK PLUS REVIEWS HELP ME HURRY UP TO UPDATE I LOVE REVIEWS =)**


	37. Breath No More

**Go to my profile and open the song for this chapter its called Breath no More by Evanescence trust me do it You'll have the full effect to what i was trying to do.**

**Breath no More **

* * *

**BPV:**

GOD forgive me for what I'm about to do,

I struggled a little bit trying not to make it obvious about what I was about to do, I reached to where I had stashed the knife I pulled it out, I locked eyes with Edward and looked away towards Cynthia, he had read the plan out of Jacobs head; how Jake understood me I don't know but I was praying and hoping he knew what I was up to, we used to do this trick to Paul all the time.

In a quick flash I aimed the knife at Cynthia's leg threw it she screamed in pain starling all of them, I guess none of them where paying attention to me.

Victoria loosen up her hold on me I had created my distraction in a flash I was ripped away by some brown fur, I knew it was Jake, as he pulled me away from the scene I heard growling behind us

"Put me down Jake" I whispered he set me down near the edge of the water I turned towards Victoria, Tanya and Cynthia I saw them surrounded.

I was badly beaten and hurt but there was one thing I had in mind before they destroyed them,

I made my way limping up to where they were by the trees, Carlisle and Esme came to my side to help me.

"I don't know what I ever did to you Tanya to be involved in this massacre of people that I loved dearly but you will pay and you Cynthia, you claimed you loved him but you don't know what love is you didn't wanted him he loved you so much that he wasn't able to love me fully like the way he wanted to but, but we were so happy why - why did you have to come back into our life's, you are carrying his child -is it his child?" no one said anything no one dared to talk

"Victoria I hope you rot in Hell that's if Hell wants you there I think even hell would be disgusted by you, you wanted me to suffer you wanted me to feel your pain of loneliness, did you know you were lonely way before James died, did you know you were a toy he used you he didn't care about you like a mate, a person that loves you doesn't leave you behind when there's danger, He knew the-"

"That doesn't mean-"

"He knew, it was dangerous to mess with a clan of the size of the Cullen's but guess what HE DIDN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU" I yelled at her I felt my anger, my hurt come to the surface the need of revenge was boiling in my blood

"He left you behind like the piece of shit that you are, all alone like I said you were alone way before me, now you got to watch the people I love suffer and die but this is why they say karma's a bitch cause now its my turn to watch you suffer to death" I looked at all of them, Paul and Sam where holding Victoria while Edward was in front of her, Emmet and Jasper where holding onto Tanya while Alice and Rose where in front of her.

Cynthia was being held by Jared and Quill, I turned to them first for her punishment

"Quill, Jared take her to the sheriff office and make her confess to all of the murders including my Father's death, my Mother's and Phil's, Cynthia if you don't confess trust me when I say _I_ will make you if it's the last thing I do, none of their deaths will go unpunished" I said, my ribs were hurting I felt like I couldn't get enough oxygen in me but I knew I had to keep strong, I wanted revenge for all of them.

"I don't know who will have the balls to do it but I want their arms and legs torn of" I said looking at all the Quileute's and the Cullen's

"Bella are you sure you want to see this" Edward asked I could tell he was worried about me

"Do it now" was all I said, before my eyes I saw Edward, Rose and Alice rip their arms and legs, I heard them screeching in pain, music to my ears. I grabbed my lighter Jessica had given it to me when I started smoking so I always carried it, Carlisle saw what I was trying to do so he grabbed a piece of leaf, he helped me to make the small mountain of fire, I looked up to them I saw Edwards torn expression

"Throw it in" I directed they tossed them in, I saw the purplish smoke, what beautiful colors for such evil persons, they don't deserve such beauty.

This is justice for you Mom, Dad, Phil, Lauren, Jessica, Tyler and Mike.

It won't bring you back to me but your deaths won't go unpunished

Carlisle and Esme helped me walk towards Tanya and Victoria the only thing of them left was their torso.

"Lay them on the floor I don't think they'll get very far if they try to run" I said with a chuckle

They did what I asked they laid them together next to each other

"Stupid bitch your left alone with no mommy or daddy to rock you to sleep they aren't here anymore you can't feel their arms around you, you wont feel their warmth embrace you humans love so much" Victoria laughed out like a lunatic, each thing she said was a stabbed in my heart, the things she said was true I wouldn't feel my mothers hug or receive a crazy birthday present from her, I wouldn't have my father walk me down the isle and give me away when I get married, I won't have the first father daughter dance every girl looks forward too.

But all of this I didn't let it show I kept it in I'll get to that when I'm alone so no one could hear me or see me breakdown.

I opened the lighter and dropped it on top of Tanya's hair she would be the first to go I want them to burn alive but I want Victoria to receive the second degree burn before being incinerated herself.

"Let me go turn it off I'm sorry please I'm so sorry please" Tanya screamed

"Sorry isn't good enough you don't deserve pity or an easy death" I said looking straight into Victoria's eyes

"You're a killer just like me, you know your brain is full of evil thoughts, me and you are exactly the same" she laughed

"Your right I'm full of evil thoughts in this moment, but unlike you I have a heart" I sneered at her

"Bella don't listen to her come on we have to get you checked out" Carlisle tried to pull me away

"Not yet I want to see Devin" I said to him I looked back to Tanya her whole face was gone all that was left was her lower body, Victoria's red hair was in flames now

"See you in Hell bitch" I smirked at her before turning around, we started walking towards Devin he was with Jake he had been moved at the edge of the beach the water was hitting his feet.

* * *

"Hey handsome" I whispered laying next to him like if we were ready to go to sleep

"Hey look the sun is about to come up" he pointed out, he let out a grunt in pain

"We need you to get you to the Hospital and get fixed" I whispered moving a piece of hair from his face, he pulled me to him, moving my head to his chest.

"I don't think there's much they can do" he said in a hoarse voice

"Don't talk like that, you can get fixed come on I'll go with you, we'll get checked out the both of us" I begged him

"I'm sorry Bella for everything, and I hope you can forgive me one day I never meant to hurt you but I love you and I also loved her I couldn't decide, I knew I had to let one of you go I just didn't know who I mean in one hand I had you the sweet gentle girl who I could make love to and in the other hand I her the feisty trouble maker who I could just fuck without remorse, I had the best of both worlds"

I didn't know what to say to that, I was confused too I knew I loved him but I also knew I was in love with Edward, I knew that if I hadn't had caught him cheating then I wouldn't have taken the step to go back with Edward; where would we be I wouldn't know.

"There's nothing to forgive I know exactly what you mean" I said lifting my head up giving him a kiss in the chin.

_I remembered the day he found me in my kitchen floor cutting my wrist the pain of remembering everything about Edward, the pain was too powerful I broke down wanting to die. We were still on the friends term, He carried me to my room_

_"Let me die Devin I can't breath it hurts please Devin just let me" I sobbed clawing at my wrist_

_"I can't Bella you are worth so much more than this I know your pain sweetheart, you'll get better I promise we will get better both of us" he laid me down in my bed pinning my hands to the side of my face_

_"I can't my soul is not here it's on the other side with him, I can't breath no more my heart is bleeding don't you get it" I was sobbing_

_"Bella if you fall then I fall with you its me and you together, you jump I jump always remember that, if you die then I die with you baby girl we will make it I promise I'll never leave you, never" he sobbed in my neck_

I snapped out my memory when I heard the slow beating of his heart, I panicked

"You have to go to the doctor right now Devin" I said sitting up

"Always remember me and forgive me for everything please say you forgive me" he begged in ragged breaths

"I told you there is nothing to forgive we all make mistakes, Carlisle please help him" I screamed looking up towards where all of the Cullen's and the Quileute's where at.

They all had broken expressions I locked eyes with Edward

"Please help him" I sobbed out I tried not to cry but I couldn't hold it in anymore plus Victoria was long gone now

"I'm sorry Bella he has internal bleeding there isn't much we could do" Carlisle explained

"NO! change him if you have to but please don't let him die" I sobbed, the crying was making my ribs pound the pain was becoming worst now

"I can't he has chosen not to, I did offer it"

"I don't care change him" I yelled

"I'm sorry but I would never change someone against their will" he explained

"Devin look at me you can't die remember" I said holding his face, he opened his eyes one of my tears landed in his cheek

"I love you Devin" I sobbed, I leaned in and gave him a small peck on the lips

"I love you Bella" he whispered I saw him close his eyes I grabbed his wrist to check his pulse and I couldn't find it.

"Devin open your eyes, you can't die remember you die I die, you can't leave me too you promised me you would never leave me you promised damn it Devin open your eyes open them" I kept yelling shaking and hitting his chest, I felt I was being pulled away

"No he's still alive he has to be he can't die he can't leave me, he can't let me go he needs me Devin, Devin open your eyes show them your alive" I yelled putting up a fight with whoever was holding onto me I was hitting their chest

"I'm so sorry Bella, I'm so sorry" I heard Edward murmured into my head holding me tighter, I felt my body sagged the fight left my body and I knew the darkness was coming for me and I was willing to embrace it.

In that moment the sun broke out the sky was clear, but my heart was broken.

I was left alone again….

* * *

**...The end is near... *sniff sniff***

**L****eave me your opinon on how would you guys like Bella being changed or should she die along side Devin?...**


	38. HEARTBROKEN

_I wanted you to know_

_I love the way you laugh_

_I wanna hold you high and_

_steal your pain away_

_I keep your photograph_

_And I know it_

_serves me well_

_I wanna hold you high_

_and steal your pain_

_Because I'm broken_

_when I'm lonesome_

_and I don't feel right_

_when you go away_

_You've gone away_

_You don't feel me ...anymore_

***Heartbroken***

* * *

**_EPV:_**

It's been 2 weeks since the confrontation with victoria and the death of all those children, I looked around the room seeing the room that was once my Bella.

I remember the first time I sneaked in to watch her sleep, the first time she mumble my name in her sleep this room would forever hold a precious place in my heart.

I walk around the room gathering small memorable things that meant the world to my Bella, i sigh as i think of her i'm still having mixed emotions about what has transpired

I'm happy but sadden on the lost of my Bella, Her heartbeat has stopped beating, I think back to the day I lost her…

((((((((((((((((((((((((((*))))))))))))))))))))))))))

_Seeing her broken as she witnessed the people she cared about the most get tortured and killed, she stood strong and faced Victoria showing us all she was not just a fragile human._

_I saw how she didn't even flinched when Victoria and Tanya where tortured and burned, i never knew my sweet angel could think of such tortured for those 2 wretched demons, all i knew was that __I wanted to tortured them and make them feel pain like all those people had, but I hadn't had a plan on how I just wanted a slow death for them._

_Seeing her lay down next to Devin broke me i knew he was dying, but the jealousy still consumed me seeing them being so intimate, i saw all of his memories of him and cynthia he loved her but __he also loved Bella, I saw when he first cheated on Bella he had gone to a drug deal, I saw how the guilt consumed him he's confusion on what to do he didn't trust cynthia but he loved her __and he didn't wanted to leave Bella He knew he had betrayed her and that he broke all of his promises she would be hurt by his actions but she was too precious to let her go._

_I noticed his memories where going all the way back to his childhood one after the other._

_"Devin look at me you can't die remember" she said holding his face, he opened his eyes one of her tears landed in his cheek as a small flicker of a memory passed through my head i saw what she __meant_

_"Let me die Devin I can't breath it hurts please Devin just let me" she said clawing at her wrist_

_"I can't Bella you are worth so much more than this I know your pain sweetheart, you'll get better I promise we will get better both of us" he has said to her while holding her down_

_"I can't my soul is not here it's on the other side with him, I can't breath no more my heart is bleeding don't you get it" I saw as my angel sobbed _

_"Bella if you fall then I fall with you its me and you together, you jump I jump always remember that, if you die then I die with you baby girl we will make it I promise I'll never leave you, never" he __sobbed in her neck._

_"I love you Devin" i saw as she leaned in and kissed him my heart broke as I saw her breakdown and cry for him to come back to her_

_The last time I saw Bella this upset was at the graveyard crying over Charlie's grave, I didn't think the death of Devin would affect her this much, I knew she loved him but I must have underestimated __Those feelings, I was lost on what to say much more how to handle her, I wish I could take her pain away._

_"Bella, love lets get you checked out" I said trying to be gentle to hold her up, I knew the damage victoria had caused her I needed Carlisle to check her._

_"I love you Edward" she whispered so low all of a sudden her body went limp in my arms_

_"Bella" I yelled within seconds I was surrounded by all of my family even the __Quileute's_

_"Bloodsucker do something now!" yelled Jacob to Carlisle, Carlisle had been checking her pulse point we were able to hear it, it was there but very weak_

_"I'm sorry she's dying" he murmured while looking at the girl in my arms, I was able to hear everyone's mournful thought's _

_But one thought was what caught me of guard and shocked me to the core._

_{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{*}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}_

"Edward are you coming I don't to be late to visit the cemetery, Esme is going to wonder where we at and then the rest are going to start questioning" Alice ramble broke me from my memory

I walked down the stairs for one last time, walking down I remember when I kissed her for the second time and she

practically fainted on me I chuckled at the memory

"whats so funny?" asked Alice she was sitting on the recliner that was once charlie's

"Nothing just remembering stuff" I said as i made my way to her, I hugged her to me she knew of my the struggle i was still going through everyone thought i would just move on

But if I hadn't have left her in the first place no innocent blood would have been shed, I still feel at fault for their death's no matter who says otherwise I would forever carry that responsibility on my shoulder.

as i look towards the kitchen something catches my attention, I saw a book on top of the refrigerator I release her from our embrace and make my way to go grab the book, Alice was right behind me following to see what had grabbed my attention.

I grab the book its full of dust it's been sitting there for a while, as I clean it i see the tittle

"Edward What is it?" she asked I turned around showing it to her she looks surprised

"Take it Edward but we have to go we are supposed to visit the cemetery one last time before we leave Forks" she said ushering us towards the front door

"It was her favorite book" I said as I looked at the worn book of Wuthering Heights

"How right was Heathcliff-I cannot live without my life" I quoted

"I cannot die without my soul"

The worst is over now

and we can breathe again

I wanna hold you high

you steal my pain

away

There's so much left to learn

and no one left to fight

I wanna hold you high

and steal your pain

* * *

**Hey there ppl i'm sorry i haven't written for a while but truth be told the lack of review got to me and took my inspiration away from writing =/ ...**

**Plus the fact that im in college , a mom of 3 n married to a workaholic and was just recently given a pup my life is hectic n i hope some of u out there show me some tiny bit of love n drop some reviews and let me know what u think =) ... **

**Another note there will be 1 or 2 chapters more it depends on u guys then i will be investing my time in writing my new short story TRUE LOVE WAY **


	39. BROKEN

_**BROKEN**_

* * *

_I wanted you to know_

_That I love the way you laugh_

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away_

_I keep your photograph And I know it serves me well_

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain 'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome_

_And I don't wanna feel right when you're gone away_

_You've gone away_

_You don't feel me here anymore_

I've heard that death is supposed to be peaceful, its supposed to let you free from any pain, that it's the final slumber where you are supposed to be at peace.I hope God can forgive all my sins and lets me inside the pearly gates so i can be with my family and friends, I look forward seeing Charlie, Rene even phil i missed them i wish they weren't just rippedAway from me just like that. I have never been a cold person to wish death upon anyone but those filthy evil monsters deserved it, what they did to my family and my friends is unforgivable for that i'm not Sorry for that I'm glad I watched them die. It wont bring them back but at least I gave them justice. I know its my fault they died I would never forgive my self.

I'm just sorry I left Edward, my Edward I wished to see him all I see is black everything is dark and cold. I cant see anything why cant I see why cant I move?

"Bella" i hear someone whisper my name

-who's there can you hear me-

"Don't leave me"

-Please help me i cant move i cant see anything, where are you, where i'm I?-

"Bella come back to me"

-Where are you I cant see you!-

"Please"

-I cant breath Please Help me, somebody Help me-

"I'm sorry" The Blackness is becoming cloudy

-I can't..I can't breath-

The pain of my ribs and leg that victoria broke on me is becoming unbearable, it's a throbbing pain I can feel my heart beating fast I can hear the thumping of it, it seems loud with an 't I just say death is supposed to be peaceful, this is anything but peaceful. I take it i'm not reaching the pearly gates, i guess God couldn't forgive me for being the cause of death for so many peopleI'm to blame for their death so i'm being punish, i'm going to Hell i deserve it all those drugs i did, all that drinking it was bound to bite me in the ass i knew it but i know at some point i just Gave up caring.

Why i'm I here is this Hell? I can feel a hazy veil covering my mind everything is becoming numb, my breathing is becoming shallow gasp

Edward I'm so sorry, please i'm so sorry.

I love you…

_The worst is over now _

_And we can breathe again_

_I wanna hold you high and steal my pain away_

_There's so much left to learn And no one left to fight_

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain_

_'Cause I'm broken when I'm open And I don't feel like I am strong enough_

_'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome And I don't feel right when you're gone away_

_'Cause I'm broken when I'm open And I don't feel like I am strong enough_

_'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome And I don't feel right when you're gone away_

_'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome And I don't feel right when you're gone_

_You've gone away_

_You don't feel me anymore_

"It was her favorite book" I heard him say inside my old house

"How right was Heathcliff-I cannot live without my life" Edward quoted

"I cannot die without my soul" I quoted the rest to him, Alice made an exit giving me a sheepish smile

"Bella" he said looking at me

"Edward what are you doing here, I thought Esme finished packing everything for me while i was going through the transformation" i say while looking around my old home it has been 2 weeks since my transformation and somehow it seems Edward is the only one having a hard time adjusting to the fact that i'm a vampire, he says its cause i lost my soul but like i told him I lost my soul when I started doing illegal stuff.

"I just wanted to have one last look before we move to " Yes i was changed at first i thought i was dying being send to the fiery pits of hell, well i was close to it since my whole body was on fire- i shudder out of reflex just remembering the burn

"Edward why is it so hard for you to accept my change, if you are the one who changed me?" I asked, he started to walk towards me once he reached me he cupped my face between his hands

"Bella don't think that i don't want you, its just that like i told you before i couldn't take away your soul but i couldn't live without you so when Jacob said to change you i didn't hesitate one minute,I did have my doubts if this is what you wanted i saw how broken you were with Devin's death" I put a finger to his lips to silence him "Edward i reacted that way because he was my friend as much as he had betrayed me he was my best friend, sure i had Jess and Lauren but he was the only one who understood what it felt like to be Heartbroken sure I loved him but the love I feel for you is different it's so strong its hard to explain, you Edward you are my life" I said as a sob got caught in my throat he touched his forehead to mine and looked into my eyes i saw him close his eyes as he whispered my name

"Bella i love you so much" with that said he kissed me i licked his upper lip i close my eyes i sigh as i opened my mouth to let him more access he took advantage and slip his tongue in, as our tongues Battle for dominance his hands wonder down my back, he rest them on my ass and gave it a squeeze my body reacted and took that as a cue take to wrap my legs around once our soft kiss turns into a passionate one. i wrap my arms around him caressing the hair at the nape of his neck, my wondering hands move traveling down his chest to the hem of his shirt,I start tugging on it, I need him all of him I need to feel his body with mine. We haven't been intimate since the last I was human. He buries his face in my neck kissing where the scar he left when he had bitten to change me

"Edward" i whimpered

"yes love" he whispers sending chills down my body growing wetter by his actions

"I need you" he faces me, we stared into each others eyes, his once butterscotch eyes are now black onyx reflecting lust,desire and love. He closes his eyes taking a deep breath freezing where he is His eyes snap open looking at me with hunger in one swift movement he has me pinned into my old bed. We kiss with raw passion and lust. Pressing his groin into mine i raise my hips to meet him, needing the friction just as much, i moan while he groans with pleasure

"Mine" he murmured

"Yes, yours" I nodded loving his possessive words there was something about him laying claim to me. Maybe it was the fact that-that single word made me feel loved, He ran his hands up my sides and then over the buttons of my shirt. He was still gentle and his tenderness was killing me. My body ached in anticipation for that I couldn't wait for it to be gentle I rolled him over making me hovered on top of him.

"As much as i want to make love to you, I'm having a really hard time keeping my hands to my self" i explained to his shock face giving him a sheepish smile

"You will be the death of me" he murmured while attacking my lips and flipping us over. We let our selfs go he pulled at my shirt making the rest of the buttons I didn't let him finish fly all over the room.i pulled at his pants ripping them off of him

"Commando edward?" I asked with a smirk and a raised eye brow.

"cold Bella" he asked while looking at my pert nipples. The heat from his mouth felt delicious on my nipple but i need it more Pulling him closer to me I align him to my entrance. He looked up at me asking for permission, I nodded letting him know I was his cock entering me was sheer pleasure I moaned as I clawed at his back.

"Bella" he murmured with shut eyes setting a fast pace. The intensity of it was too much I threw my head back arching my back was pure bliss, feeling the heat spreading around me. I looked up at him his eyebrows furrowed his mouth slightly agape he was beautiful and he was looking at me like if I was his world. I reached up to kiss him while he kept pounding into me

"Mine" he growled against my lips

"Yours" i moaned "Only yours Edward"

He pulled me against him, his bare body flushed against mine Had my orgasm growing With one last pushed he growled and bite down marking me as his, my body seemed to react even more until I felt the crescendo escalate and I cried out as my orgasm hit me with wave after wave. I felt him pulsating inside of me. We laid there in my old bed just looking into each others eyes

"I love you my Bella" he whispered, making my dead heart warm up

"I love you Edward" i said with a smile

"Make me more happy than i already am" he said

"How" i asked, i saw him get up and walked towards his ripped pants that were on the floor across the room. he took something out but didn't show it to me he walked towards me in all his naked glory, i bit my lip as my eyes raked over his chest, down his flat stomach, and tapering across that fabulous "V" Remembering what had just transpired between us, i felt my self grow wet again-i looked up to look at him he was watching me with a smirk

"See something you like" he asked that smirk never disappearing from his face. I ignored what he asked

"what were you going to tell me" i said trying to fight the urge to attack his body once more. with a chuckle he walked towards me

"I told you but it seems you zoned out on me" I blinked trying to remember but nothing came to mind

"no you said make me more happy than i already am but you never told me how" i said feeling confused

"Love i told you but you seemed busy looking at something" he said with a smile, then it clicked he must have told me when i was staring at him

"Oh" was all I said, if I could blush I knew at this moment my face would have been red. I looked up at him under my eyelashes.

"Would you tell me again" inside I chastised my self being a new born was difficult, I would get easily distracted to the point where I would stop mid sentence, Emmett would be come frustrated when he challenged me to arm wrestle him which i took great satisfaction when Rosalie would smack him, Jasper tried to explain the mind of a new born to me being as he Had trained an army. Edward always the patient one

"I have no problem repeating what i told you Love" I smiled up at him glad for his patience with me"

You have my attention" i said waiting for him to continue

"Bella if your father would be alive i would have gone to him and since i knew Billy Black was close to him and to you i took the liberty of asking him as your fathers best friend" He swallowed Getting on one knee

I gasped covering my mouth — my eyes sting with the tears that would never fall. I looked into his eyes and saw how nervous he was

"Bella I would love to spend my forever with you, I have made the mistake once of leaving you before and now i promise to always be by your side as my equal as my love and as my best friend I know you are my mate but I would also like for you to be my wife, Isabella Marie Swan would you do me the Honor and marry me?"

I sat shocked-Charlie would have said no your to young, Rene would have cried with happiness and blubber about how her little girl was growing up, and Phil he would have just smiled and congratulate me.

With a sob I nodded my head crushing him to me i whispered in his ear

"Yes" I knew then I would never be alone, I have someone who loves me and a family who would kill to defend their members in it.

I knew this was just the beginning of our forever and i looked forward to it

"I love you Edward"

* * *

_**THE END**_

**_OK I WANNA THANK ALL OF THOSE WHO LEFT ME REVIEWS YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST N SORRY FOR THE LATE POST BUT AS MANY OF YOU KNOW _**

**_LIFE SOMETIMES TO GET ON THE WAY I TRIED POSTING IT BUT I NEVER HAD THE TIME OR THE INTERNET TO DO IT _**

**_NOT TO MENTION MY IN LAW ACCIDENTALLY ERASED IT WHEN IT WAS ALREADY DONE WHICH CAUSED ME TO GET WRITTERS BLOCK_**

**_SO LEAVE ME A REVIEW PLS I REALLY APPRECIATE IT =D _**

**_ALSO THE SONG TO THIS CHAPTER IS ON MY PROFILE CHECK IT OUT _**

**_IS BY SEETHER N AMY LEE_**


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